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(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
2
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(PHONE RINGING)
3
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Fuego del Culo.
4
00:00:53,812 --> 00:00:56,182
Girl, if it itches, it's crabs.
5
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("SHAPESHIFT"
BY HAVEMORALS PLAYS)
6
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♪ I switched the game
No time for playing ♪
7
00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:01,220
♪ I'm redefined ♪
8
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♪ Now I'ma transform ♪
9
00:01:02,787 --> 00:01:05,057
♪ Right in front
Of all your eyes ♪
10
00:01:05,157 --> 00:01:06,458
♪ I shapeshift ♪
11
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Hey, girl.
You want some brown liquor?
12
00:01:12,932 --> 00:01:15,101
Brown liquor
don't make this pussy pop.
13
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Tequila it is.
14
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Here you go.
Mm.
15
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¡Viva la revolución!
16
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Now, that shit right there make
17
00:01:25,577 --> 00:01:27,346
my pussy pop
on a handstand!
18
00:01:27,445 --> 00:01:29,148
So, what are you doing here
anyway?
19
00:01:29,248 --> 00:01:31,217
What do you think
I'm doing here?
20
00:01:31,317 --> 00:01:32,784
I'm starring
in the opening scene.
21
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Been there, done that.
(PHONE BUZZES)
22
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RINGTONE: Pick up the phone!
Pick up the pho--
23
00:01:38,024 --> 00:01:39,892
Richie?
Teyana. Hi.
24
00:01:39,992 --> 00:01:41,493
I thought it'd be easier
for the audience
25
00:01:41,593 --> 00:01:43,428
if they didn't have to read
more texts.
26
00:01:43,528 --> 00:01:45,764
Yeah, that makes sense.
'Cause you know
these motherfuckers can't read.
27
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I know who goes to see
a Wayans Brothers movie.
28
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RICHIE: Well, it's nice
to phone-meet you
29
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in this super awkward way.
30
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Likewise.
But I got to be honest.
31
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When I seen your profile pic,
a bitch almost swiped left
32
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because you look mad goofy.
33
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But surprisingly,
34
00:02:01,213 --> 00:02:04,216
you know them goofy niggas
got big dicks, so here we are.
35
00:02:04,317 --> 00:02:05,918
RICHIE:
I take you for a Jersey girl.
36
00:02:06,018 --> 00:02:07,053
A Jersey girl?
37
00:02:07,153 --> 00:02:08,988
Listen, I love Jersey down.
38
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But I'm a Harlem girl.
Born and motherfucking raised.
39
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Real niggas only. Yeah.
40
00:02:13,725 --> 00:02:15,828
RICHIE: Oh, so you're Black.
41
00:02:17,462 --> 00:02:18,730
No, motherfucker!
42
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I'm BLACK!
(DINERS GASP)
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TEYANA: All caps.
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No cap, but caps.
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Fuck all y'all!
46
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Bitch,
spit them pearls back out.
47
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(WOMAN GAGS)
48
00:02:30,709 --> 00:02:32,644
I ain't want your shit.
49
00:02:33,412 --> 00:02:35,247
Hello.
So tell me,
50
00:02:35,348 --> 00:02:37,383
what's your favorite
scary movie?
51
00:02:37,482 --> 00:02:39,551
Mm... I don't really do them,
you know.
52
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All the stupid tropes and shit.
53
00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:42,721
Why is it always
the white bitch at the end?
54
00:02:42,821 --> 00:02:44,723
Because they know
it is too hard
to kill a sista.
55
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Y'know what I'm sayin'?
Cause if the sista can survive
56
00:02:46,926 --> 00:02:49,527
government cheese,
we can survive anything.
57
00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:51,063
(RICHIE CHUCKLES)
58
00:02:51,163 --> 00:02:53,332
RICHIE: You know, it might help
if you met me outside.
59
00:02:53,432 --> 00:02:55,667
Met you outside?
Boy, you is needy!
60
00:02:56,568 --> 00:02:58,270
What's your sign?
You must be a Scorpio.
61
00:02:58,371 --> 00:02:59,472
RICHIE: How'd you know?
62
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Good dick though.
But toxic as hell.
63
00:03:01,539 --> 00:03:03,476
RICHIE: Hey, is the restaurant
near an alley?
64
00:03:03,575 --> 00:03:06,278
Yes, hurry
before they rob your ass.
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Roses?
Ah! Not today.
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Cheap bitch.
Heard you, ho.
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00:03:09,882 --> 00:03:12,517
RICHIE: Okay, I'm--
I'm coming down the alley now.
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I'm here.
Can you see me? I'm waving.
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00:03:15,454 --> 00:03:16,889
RICHIE: No.
70
00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:19,291
The person I'm looking at
is not waving.
71
00:03:19,392 --> 00:03:21,293
In fact,
they're just staring at me.
72
00:03:21,394 --> 00:03:23,362
Well, stare at his ass back!
73
00:03:23,462 --> 00:03:24,897
And don't blink. Never blink.
74
00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,899
You got to scrunch your lips
and be like, "What?"
75
00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,901
RICHIE: No, they're walking
towards me now.
76
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,303
Hold on.
Oh no, they have a knife!
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Well, don't lead his ass
over here.
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RICHIE:
And that's not the worst part.
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00:03:34,572 --> 00:03:35,908
(BEEP, TONE)
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(VOICE DISTORTS) The worst part
is you know so much
81
00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:41,280
about horror movies
and yet you still
82
00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:44,250
walked into the alley alone.
83
00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:46,452
Yeah, well the worst part is,
84
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you fucking with
a New York bitch. Cuckoo!
85
00:03:49,889 --> 00:03:51,090
Yeah!
86
00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:53,359
(TEYANA WHOOPING)
87
00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:55,528
TEYANA:
Cuckoo, cuckoo!
88
00:03:55,627 --> 00:03:57,263
(GRUNTS)
TEYANA: Cuckoo!
89
00:03:59,131 --> 00:04:00,533
(GRUNTS)
90
00:04:00,632 --> 00:04:02,902
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
91
00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:08,807
GHOSTFACE: Damn!
She's on some Avengers shit!
92
00:04:13,079 --> 00:04:14,313
(BELL DINGS)
93
00:04:17,016 --> 00:04:18,616
(BELL DINGING)
94
00:04:19,151 --> 00:04:20,252
(BELL DINGS)
95
00:04:22,254 --> 00:04:23,389
Seriously, Larry?
96
00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:24,756
I ain't recognize
your bird call.
97
00:04:24,857 --> 00:04:26,724
Thought you was going
more with a-- (COOS)
98
00:04:26,826 --> 00:04:29,395
That's a pigeon, nigga!
Supposed to be, "Cuckoo!"
99
00:04:29,495 --> 00:04:32,764
Cuckoo!
A hawk swooping in an attack!
100
00:04:33,499 --> 00:04:34,500
My bad.
101
00:04:34,599 --> 00:04:36,068
GHOSTFACE: Are you done?
102
00:04:37,702 --> 00:04:38,670
What the hell?
103
00:04:38,770 --> 00:04:40,906
(GROUP CHUCKLES)
104
00:04:41,006 --> 00:04:44,410
Bitch, I'm Teyana Taylor.
My abs got abs.
105
00:04:44,510 --> 00:04:45,845
Get him!
106
00:04:45,945 --> 00:04:47,679
GHOSTFACE: Ow! My arm! My arm!
(GLASS SHATTERS)
107
00:04:47,779 --> 00:04:49,048
Get in there!
108
00:04:49,148 --> 00:04:51,050
GHOSTFACE: Come on, guys,
we can work this out.
109
00:04:51,150 --> 00:04:52,051
(MEN JEERING)
110
00:04:52,151 --> 00:04:53,319
(GRUNTS)
111
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(GRUNTING)
112
00:04:55,287 --> 00:04:57,056
GHOSTFACE:
Somebody help me!
113
00:04:57,156 --> 00:04:58,457
MAN: Do it, Larry!
114
00:04:58,557 --> 00:05:00,292
GHOSTFACE: No, no, no--
(GRUNTS)
115
00:05:01,293 --> 00:05:02,528
MAN 2: Hi-yah!
116
00:05:02,627 --> 00:05:04,230
GHOSTFACE: Ow! Oh, God!
117
00:05:04,330 --> 00:05:05,965
All right, all right,
all right, all right!
118
00:05:06,065 --> 00:05:08,200
We out.
Get your hardheaded ass on.
119
00:05:09,001 --> 00:05:11,103
Welcome to New York, sucker!
120
00:05:11,203 --> 00:05:12,438
GHOSTFACE: Hey, Teyana.
121
00:05:12,538 --> 00:05:13,839
You might have kicked my ass,
122
00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:16,242
but you still didn't win
that Oscar.
123
00:05:16,342 --> 00:05:18,676
What you say about my Oscar?
124
00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:21,614
GHOSTFACE:
Did I stutter? You lost!
125
00:05:21,713 --> 00:05:22,982
You right.
126
00:05:23,082 --> 00:05:25,217
But I won
that Golden Globe, bitch.
127
00:05:25,918 --> 00:05:27,685
GIRL:
Oh, my God! Really?
128
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:29,355
That's why I never watched
Horror Movie.
129
00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:30,788
It's fucking terrible.
130
00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:33,425
Just a bunch
of celebrity cameos
and fart gags.
131
00:05:33,526 --> 00:05:34,759
(SIGHS)
132
00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:36,295
GIRL ON PHONE:
So, you don't like parodies?
133
00:05:36,395 --> 00:05:38,164
I'm more into
Judd Apatow films.
134
00:05:38,264 --> 00:05:40,765
You know, elevated comedy.
135
00:05:40,866 --> 00:05:43,169
GIRL:
And what is elevated comedy?
136
00:05:43,269 --> 00:05:44,637
Mm.
(INHALER CLATTERS)
137
00:05:44,736 --> 00:05:45,871
The kind that doesn't actually
make anyone laugh,
138
00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,540
but makes white people
feel smart.
139
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,806
(DOORBELL RINGS)
140
00:05:49,774 --> 00:05:51,243
GIRL: Tuesday,
don't answer that!
141
00:05:51,343 --> 00:05:52,710
It could be Ghostface.
142
00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,513
Oh, come on, Elle!
143
00:05:54,613 --> 00:05:56,814
Stuff like that
only happens in the movies.
144
00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:00,653
GHOSTFACE: Oh, hey.
145
00:06:00,752 --> 00:06:03,055
I wasn't expecting you
to answer the door.
146
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:06,392
What the fuck?
Now where is my knife?
147
00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:08,360
Ah, here it is.
148
00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:11,197
Hello, Tuesday.
149
00:06:11,297 --> 00:06:13,365
(SCREAMS)
150
00:06:14,533 --> 00:06:16,768
("MESSY" BY REDD. PLAYS)
151
00:06:19,804 --> 00:06:22,107
♪ I really wanna get messy ♪
152
00:06:22,208 --> 00:06:23,642
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
153
00:06:23,741 --> 00:06:26,011
♪ Don't care what I'm doing
Next week ♪
154
00:06:26,111 --> 00:06:29,081
♪ You really don't wanna
Test me ♪
155
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:31,850
♪ Just pass the drinks
And get sexy ♪
156
00:06:31,951 --> 00:06:34,719
♪ Get messy
Baby, get messy ♪
157
00:06:34,819 --> 00:06:38,057
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Hey, miss.
158
00:06:38,823 --> 00:06:40,226
What'd you take?
159
00:06:40,326 --> 00:06:42,127
Just Ritalin for my ADHD.
160
00:06:42,228 --> 00:06:43,596
Adderall for PTSD.
161
00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:45,797
A couple of Xanax
for my anxiety.
162
00:06:45,898 --> 00:06:47,799
And your boner pills.
(GIGGLES)
163
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:51,170
So good luck
getting it up now.
(DENIM STRAINS)
164
00:06:51,270 --> 00:06:54,806
JACK: Jesus, Sara,
how many did you take?
Do you want to touch it, baby?
165
00:06:54,907 --> 00:06:56,508
Yes, but no. Okay.
Come on. You know you want it.
166
00:06:56,609 --> 00:06:58,544
Take it.
Take it like a good boy.
Okay. Maybe just a little bit.
167
00:06:58,644 --> 00:06:59,979
That feels
really interesting.
168
00:07:00,079 --> 00:07:01,614
I'm about to bust a nut.
Wow.
169
00:07:01,714 --> 00:07:02,615
(PHONE RINGS)
170
00:07:02,715 --> 00:07:04,350
Hey, Jess.
Sara,
171
00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:05,817
Tuesday's in the hospital.
172
00:07:05,918 --> 00:07:09,321
She was stabbed. By a killer--
you know, Ghostface.
173
00:07:09,421 --> 00:07:10,755
Wait. From Wu-Tang?
174
00:07:10,856 --> 00:07:12,958
Why would Ghostface Killah
aka Pretty Toney
175
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,227
aka Starky Love
want to stab my sister?
176
00:07:15,327 --> 00:07:17,663
JESS: God, Sara,
it wasn't Ghostface Killah.
177
00:07:17,762 --> 00:07:19,498
It was somebody
in a Ghostface mask.
178
00:07:19,598 --> 00:07:20,666
Oh! (CHUCKLES)
179
00:07:20,765 --> 00:07:22,668
Okay, that makes more sense.
180
00:07:22,767 --> 00:07:25,337
(SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS)
181
00:07:25,437 --> 00:07:26,338
(SARA GRUNTING)
182
00:07:26,438 --> 00:07:27,373
Hah!
183
00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:30,609
I ain't the one! (HOCKS)
184
00:07:30,709 --> 00:07:32,344
(GRUNTS)
Oh!
185
00:07:32,444 --> 00:07:33,445
Jesus, Jack!
186
00:07:33,545 --> 00:07:34,812
What?
187
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,915
I was thinking about
wearing this for Halloween.
188
00:07:37,016 --> 00:07:38,417
My estranged
flat-chested half-sister
189
00:07:38,517 --> 00:07:40,653
was nearly killed
by a psycho in a ghost mask.
190
00:07:40,753 --> 00:07:42,021
(DISTANT SCREAMING)
191
00:07:42,121 --> 00:07:44,957
I got to go see her
and make up for the past.
192
00:07:45,057 --> 00:07:46,791
Whoa-- Hey, hey, hey.
(GASPS)
193
00:07:46,892 --> 00:07:48,093
I'm going with you.
194
00:07:48,193 --> 00:07:49,828
Not because
I'm the obvious killer
195
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,230
trying to lure you back
to your hometown.
196
00:07:51,330 --> 00:07:53,232
I'm just
the supportive boyfriend.
197
00:07:53,332 --> 00:07:54,600
Yeah.
That's all.
198
00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:55,800
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
199
00:07:55,901 --> 00:07:57,436
Okay, let's go. Get in the car.
200
00:07:57,536 --> 00:08:00,939
SARA: Listen, we just have
to make one stop on the way.
201
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,375
I survived.
202
00:08:03,475 --> 00:08:05,678
All thanks to my lucky penny.
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
203
00:08:05,778 --> 00:08:07,112
("HOES" BY LIZZO PLAYS)
204
00:08:07,212 --> 00:08:09,214
♪ The world would be
Boring as fuck ♪
205
00:08:09,315 --> 00:08:11,317
♪ Without big booty
Real hoochie mamas like me ♪
206
00:08:11,417 --> 00:08:13,786
♪ Grabbing ankles
Throwing ass on ATVs ♪
207
00:08:13,886 --> 00:08:15,954
♪ Make 'em say "uh"
I got Master P ♪
208
00:08:16,055 --> 00:08:18,257
♪ Doggy-style, look here,
That's masterpiece ♪
209
00:08:18,357 --> 00:08:20,225
♪ I don't wanna be
In no sausage fest ♪
210
00:08:20,326 --> 00:08:22,795
♪ Where my ladies at?
Throw it east to west ♪
211
00:08:22,895 --> 00:08:24,863
♪ Wow, wow, wow, wow
I'm impressed ♪
212
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,098
♪ Booty up down, up down... ♪
213
00:08:26,198 --> 00:08:28,434
(MUSIC CONTINUES, MUFFLED)
214
00:08:31,003 --> 00:08:34,773
I hate when y'all leave!
Come give me a hug.
215
00:08:34,873 --> 00:08:37,976
Ma, come on, turn off
this ratchet-ass music.
216
00:08:38,077 --> 00:08:40,679
It's embarrassing,
especially for Black women.
217
00:08:40,779 --> 00:08:42,014
It's not embarrassing.
218
00:08:42,114 --> 00:08:43,849
I'm the cool ma everybody wish
they had.
219
00:08:43,949 --> 00:08:45,217
I'm lit!
Don't forget,
220
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,152
I got practice later
so I'll be home late.
221
00:08:47,252 --> 00:08:48,854
You only made the team
because you're Black
222
00:08:48,954 --> 00:08:50,923
and those racist fucks
assumed you could play.
223
00:08:51,023 --> 00:08:53,058
Mm.
It's 2026.
224
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,760
I don't think race is an issue.
225
00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:56,395
Do you read Black Twitter?
226
00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:57,896
No.
227
00:08:58,364 --> 00:08:59,131
Ugh, Brad,
228
00:08:59,231 --> 00:09:01,200
are you still dating that ho?
229
00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:02,034
GIRL: Okay.
230
00:09:02,134 --> 00:09:03,635
Stop ho-shaming her, heiffa.
231
00:09:03,736 --> 00:09:05,170
(SCOFFS)
Just because Darrel and them
232
00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:07,172
ran a train on her
doesn't make her a ho.
233
00:09:07,272 --> 00:09:10,075
She's not a "ho",
she's "sex positive".
234
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,344
Well, I'm positive she is a ho.
235
00:09:13,445 --> 00:09:15,381
Hey, girl! Look at you!
236
00:09:15,481 --> 00:09:16,782
Early for Halloween, huh?
237
00:09:16,882 --> 00:09:18,784
What you this year?
Slutty schoolgirl?
238
00:09:18,884 --> 00:09:19,718
Ho-ey ho?
239
00:09:19,818 --> 00:09:21,787
Hi, Ms. Meeks.
240
00:09:21,887 --> 00:09:23,722
Love the hair. Very...
241
00:09:23,822 --> 00:09:25,391
Octavia Spencer.
242
00:09:25,491 --> 00:09:26,625
Well, thank you very much.
243
00:09:26,725 --> 00:09:28,026
I got to invite you over
244
00:09:28,127 --> 00:09:30,462
and make you
a little shit pie.
Ooh. (CHUCKLES)
245
00:09:30,562 --> 00:09:33,532
You know what? I got to get to
African American History class.
246
00:09:33,632 --> 00:09:34,767
We're learning about slavery.
247
00:09:34,868 --> 00:09:37,403
Come to find out,
it was a choice.
248
00:09:37,503 --> 00:09:38,570
You see that right there?
249
00:09:39,304 --> 00:09:41,006
That's Kanye?
That's right.
250
00:09:41,106 --> 00:09:43,742
They've been teaching us
wrong all this time.
251
00:09:43,843 --> 00:09:44,943
Mm-hmm. Stay Black!
252
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:47,881
Bye, Ma.
All right. Bye, baby.
253
00:09:47,980 --> 00:09:49,081
Bye, Ms. Meeks.
Bye.
254
00:09:49,181 --> 00:09:51,183
Son, I put some condoms
in your bag!
255
00:09:51,283 --> 00:09:53,218
You know how they try
to trap y'all.
256
00:09:53,318 --> 00:09:54,386
Ma!
257
00:09:56,321 --> 00:09:58,257
Okay, seriously,
"Sheriff Greg",
258
00:09:58,357 --> 00:10:00,125
you don't have to walk me
to class. I'm fine.
259
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:03,128
Jess, there's a serial killer
on the loose.
260
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,832
I'm not gonna let anything
happen to my baby girl.
261
00:10:05,931 --> 00:10:07,933
Boy! Okay? I'm a baby boy!
262
00:10:08,033 --> 00:10:09,301
I'm sorry!
263
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,270
I'm having a
hard time with this transition.
264
00:10:11,370 --> 00:10:14,874
Okay, it's really simple.
Treat me like one of the guys.
265
00:10:14,973 --> 00:10:16,141
Okay?
266
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,777
All right. I-I can do that.
Yeah.
267
00:10:18,878 --> 00:10:21,079
Slap fight. (CHUCKLES)
(SCOFFS) Oh.
268
00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:22,414
You call that a slap?
269
00:10:22,514 --> 00:10:23,749
(GROANS)
270
00:10:23,850 --> 00:10:24,884
Whew.
271
00:10:24,983 --> 00:10:26,385
What the hell
did you do that for?
272
00:10:26,485 --> 00:10:29,655
Don't act like such a bitch.
(GRUNTS)
273
00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:31,390
(LAUGHS) Bitch.
274
00:10:31,490 --> 00:10:33,692
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
275
00:10:34,293 --> 00:10:36,495
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, not bad.
276
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,133
JACK:
Who the hell lives like this?
277
00:10:53,011 --> 00:10:55,882
Oh, honey,
it is so good to see you!
278
00:10:55,981 --> 00:10:57,816
Come in! Do you want some tea?
279
00:10:57,917 --> 00:11:00,752
Oh, my God, Mother.
You look like shit!
280
00:11:00,854 --> 00:11:02,321
(SIGHS)
JACK: Babe, please.
281
00:11:02,421 --> 00:11:04,022
This is clearly a woman
who's run out of conditioner.
282
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:06,358
Oh, be careful where you walk.
The whole place
283
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:07,659
is booby-trapped.
284
00:11:07,759 --> 00:11:10,028
You never know when
that psycho's gonna come back.
285
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:12,164
(GROANS)
Come in.
286
00:11:12,264 --> 00:11:13,398
Okay.
287
00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:17,536
(SCREAMS)
288
00:11:19,738 --> 00:11:22,174
(YELPS, GRUNTS)
289
00:11:22,274 --> 00:11:24,743
(WEAKLY) I hate this job.
290
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,547
JACK: Mrs. Campbell,
291
00:11:29,181 --> 00:11:31,350
I'm Jack, Sara's boyfriend.
292
00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:33,519
I've heard so much about you...
293
00:11:33,619 --> 00:11:34,720
Uh, none of it good.
294
00:11:35,621 --> 00:11:37,957
I have heard nothing
about you, Jack.
295
00:11:38,056 --> 00:11:39,658
I assume
you're a piece of shit.
296
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:42,996
But how would I know when
I haven't heard
from my daughter
297
00:11:43,095 --> 00:11:44,796
in, what, six months?
298
00:11:44,898 --> 00:11:46,632
Six years, Mother.
299
00:11:46,732 --> 00:11:48,300
And whose fault is that?
300
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,069
"And whose fault is that?"
I don't know, maybe it's yours!
301
00:11:51,570 --> 00:11:52,638
That's fair.
302
00:11:52,738 --> 00:11:55,807
We want to learn
from the horror you survived.
303
00:11:55,909 --> 00:11:56,775
Look...
304
00:11:56,876 --> 00:11:58,810
Scary Movie 3 and 4
305
00:11:58,912 --> 00:12:00,379
paid me
a lot of money for a girl--
306
00:12:00,479 --> 00:12:02,481
There is nothing
to learn there.
307
00:12:02,581 --> 00:12:05,517
But if you want to talk
about The House Bunny, shoot.
308
00:12:05,617 --> 00:12:07,119
It's happening again!
309
00:12:07,219 --> 00:12:10,924
Some asshole in a mask.
We have to stop him.
310
00:12:11,024 --> 00:12:13,026
You're not ready, lovebug.
311
00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:16,061
I have been preparing
for this for years.
312
00:12:16,161 --> 00:12:18,096
Sacrificed everything.
313
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:21,233
You were a terrible mother.
Come on, honey
314
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,168
we had some good times.
315
00:12:23,268 --> 00:12:27,172
Like that Christmas I took you
to meet Santa at the mall.
316
00:12:27,272 --> 00:12:28,674
("JINGLE BELLS" PLAYS)
317
00:12:28,774 --> 00:12:30,944
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
318
00:12:31,044 --> 00:12:34,146
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
319
00:12:34,246 --> 00:12:36,648
♪ O'er the fields we go... ♪
Your turn, Sara.
320
00:12:36,748 --> 00:12:37,683
Move!
321
00:12:38,150 --> 00:12:39,718
Hi, Santa.
322
00:12:39,818 --> 00:12:43,022
Sorry if I don't
sit in your lap.
323
00:12:43,121 --> 00:12:44,456
You creep me out.
324
00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:47,326
♪ How fun it is
To ride and sing... ♪
325
00:12:52,164 --> 00:12:53,298
SARA: Mom?
326
00:12:53,933 --> 00:12:55,969
Santa gave me a severed arm!
327
00:12:56,069 --> 00:12:58,103
Be sure to thank him.
328
00:12:58,804 --> 00:13:01,306
(CHILDREN CHEERING)
329
00:13:02,909 --> 00:13:04,176
(CHILDREN CLAMORING)
330
00:13:04,676 --> 00:13:06,678
GIRL: Is that a foot?
331
00:13:06,778 --> 00:13:08,280
Ew, that's gross.
332
00:13:08,380 --> 00:13:09,681
♪ One horse open... ♪
333
00:13:09,781 --> 00:13:10,883
What the fuck?
334
00:13:10,984 --> 00:13:12,919
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
335
00:13:13,019 --> 00:13:15,088
(SCREAMS FADING)
CINDY: I am sorry
336
00:13:15,187 --> 00:13:18,024
if that's how you found out
Santa doesn't exist.
337
00:13:18,123 --> 00:13:19,926
Ugh, Mother, I need your help!
338
00:13:20,026 --> 00:13:23,595
To heal our emotional wounds
and put the past behind us?
339
00:13:23,695 --> 00:13:25,263
(SNORTS) Oh, God, no.
340
00:13:25,364 --> 00:13:27,967
(CHUCKLES)
No, to kill Ghostface!
341
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:29,701
Do you have any guns?
342
00:13:29,801 --> 00:13:30,903
(SCOFFS)
343
00:13:31,004 --> 00:13:33,705
I am Cindy fucking Campbell.
344
00:13:33,805 --> 00:13:35,540
I've got millions of guns!
345
00:13:35,641 --> 00:13:36,375
But, um,
346
00:13:36,475 --> 00:13:38,176
none of them are registered
347
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:40,379
due to my mental health issues.
348
00:13:40,479 --> 00:13:44,249
So, if you could just keep that
on the low-- (YELPS)
349
00:13:44,349 --> 00:13:46,318
JACK: Okay.
CINDY: Oh!
350
00:13:46,418 --> 00:13:47,987
Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.
351
00:13:48,087 --> 00:13:49,554
I didn't hurt myself
on any of these spikes.
352
00:13:49,655 --> 00:13:50,789
("KISS OR KILL"
BY STELA COLE PLAYS)
353
00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:55,128
♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G ♪
354
00:13:55,227 --> 00:13:57,930
♪ Me and you
We're sitting in a tree ♪
355
00:13:58,031 --> 00:13:59,932
Oh, hey,
so I spoke to Sara earlier.
356
00:14:00,033 --> 00:14:01,333
Oh, is she coming?
You know,
357
00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:02,935
I did hear
a buzzing sound.
358
00:14:03,036 --> 00:14:04,569
So it's possible.
No.
359
00:14:04,670 --> 00:14:07,706
I meant
to Woodsville, dumbass.
Oh. Yeah, I forgot to ask.
360
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,241
Hey, Jimbo! Go deep!
361
00:14:09,341 --> 00:14:10,475
Yeah, yeah!
Throw it, throw it!
362
00:14:10,575 --> 00:14:12,244
Oh!
363
00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:13,679
Sweet! (CHUCKLES)
364
00:14:14,212 --> 00:14:15,547
Speaking of going deep...
365
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,616
Uh, I don't know
if it's a good time.
366
00:14:17,716 --> 00:14:19,384
Everyone knows
what happens to teenagers
367
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,087
who try to make love when
there's a killer on the loose.
368
00:14:21,186 --> 00:14:22,654
Brad's right
about one thing, guys.
369
00:14:22,754 --> 00:14:25,357
Okay, Ghostface is back.
We need to arm up.
370
00:14:25,457 --> 00:14:28,061
Pepper spray, check.
371
00:14:28,161 --> 00:14:29,929
Taser, check.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
372
00:14:30,029 --> 00:14:31,496
(POP)
Butt plug,
373
00:14:31,596 --> 00:14:33,166
double check.
(SQUELCHES)
374
00:14:33,265 --> 00:14:34,332
BRAD: Goddamn!
375
00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:36,201
You just carry that thing
around?
376
00:14:36,301 --> 00:14:37,937
It's easy to hide.
377
00:14:41,074 --> 00:14:43,608
In your butt.
(SIGHS)
378
00:14:44,110 --> 00:14:45,577
I'm impressed.
379
00:14:54,921 --> 00:14:58,490
What's up, y'all? I'm back!
380
00:14:58,590 --> 00:14:59,859
(GIGGLES)
381
00:14:59,959 --> 00:15:00,960
Shit, son!
382
00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:03,029
Hey, what's up, Unc?
"Unc"?
383
00:15:03,129 --> 00:15:05,630
I'm tired of you
little Gen Z Alpha niggas
384
00:15:05,731 --> 00:15:07,967
using terms like "unc"
and "auntie".
385
00:15:08,067 --> 00:15:10,469
Gaslighting and glazing
and glamping,
386
00:15:10,569 --> 00:15:12,504
trying to make my generation
sound old.
387
00:15:12,604 --> 00:15:14,173
I ain't your damn unc, nigga!
388
00:15:14,272 --> 00:15:16,541
Shorty, you're our
mother's brother, so, yeah,
389
00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:18,310
technically, you are our uncle.
390
00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:21,279
Oh. (GIGGLES)
My bad. (CACKLES)
391
00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:23,916
Crazy that they let you
teach here.
392
00:15:24,016 --> 00:15:26,485
Teach? Nah, nigga.
393
00:15:26,585 --> 00:15:27,719
I attend.
394
00:15:27,819 --> 00:15:31,891
You looking at a proud
25th-year senior. (GIGGLES)
395
00:15:31,991 --> 00:15:34,994
As a matter of fact, nigga,
you were in my Sex Ed class.
396
00:15:35,094 --> 00:15:37,130
Boy, you're really smart.
397
00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:39,065
You know a lot about penises.
398
00:15:39,165 --> 00:15:42,334
You should be like,
like a veterinarian,
399
00:15:42,434 --> 00:15:43,903
but for dick.
400
00:15:44,803 --> 00:15:46,738
When are you
finally gonna graduate?
401
00:15:46,839 --> 00:15:49,108
By the time we do a sequel
and I got to follow
you little young niggas
402
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:50,275
to college to get my check.
403
00:15:50,375 --> 00:15:52,211
Wait, guys. Tuesday's awake!
404
00:15:52,344 --> 00:15:54,546
All right! Tuesday!
Who the fuck is Tuesday?
405
00:15:54,646 --> 00:15:55,781
Hey, we gotta go
to the hospital.
406
00:15:55,882 --> 00:15:58,683
You gonna take the bus home?
No. The PJ.
407
00:15:58,784 --> 00:16:00,219
Private jet?
408
00:16:00,318 --> 00:16:01,319
Yeah. Jealous?
409
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:02,754
Man, you smoke weed all day.
410
00:16:02,855 --> 00:16:05,390
Just play video games,
you live-stream.
411
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:06,792
You literally got money
doing nothing.
412
00:16:06,893 --> 00:16:10,295
Exactly. I leave the hard work
for the old heads.
413
00:16:10,395 --> 00:16:11,998
(GIGGLES) Shit, son!
414
00:16:12,098 --> 00:16:13,232
(GIGGLES)
415
00:16:13,331 --> 00:16:15,467
Still the same Shorty.
Aight. (CHUCKLES)
416
00:16:15,567 --> 00:16:17,236
Check my crypto, nigga.
(PHONE CHIMES)
417
00:16:17,335 --> 00:16:19,205
Aw, shit,
I'm up three million dollars!
418
00:16:19,304 --> 00:16:20,973
(CACKLES)
(PHONE BLEEPS)
419
00:16:21,073 --> 00:16:23,276
Damn,
now I'm down five million.
420
00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:25,878
This shit crazy, son.
421
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,354
(ENGINE PUTTERING)
422
00:16:37,256 --> 00:16:38,390
(ENGINE CUTS)
423
00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:50,002
(MUFFLED SINGING AND CLAPPING)
424
00:16:50,102 --> 00:16:52,771
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
425
00:16:53,538 --> 00:16:56,675
♪ This little light of mine ♪
426
00:16:56,775 --> 00:17:00,612
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
427
00:17:00,712 --> 00:17:01,446
Ray!
428
00:17:01,546 --> 00:17:03,415
Sister Brenda, it's okay.
429
00:17:03,515 --> 00:17:05,684
You heard the call of sin,
yes, you did.
430
00:17:05,784 --> 00:17:07,153
But the Lord has called on us
431
00:17:07,253 --> 00:17:09,889
to show men
such like you the way.
432
00:17:09,989 --> 00:17:12,892
Come on, son! Come with us.
433
00:17:12,992 --> 00:17:14,359
Come on us.
434
00:17:14,459 --> 00:17:17,296
God see you coming.
So don't cheat that come.
435
00:17:17,395 --> 00:17:21,433
We need you to come
like you never came before.
436
00:17:21,533 --> 00:17:23,401
Come for the Father,
come for the Son.
437
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,737
I'ma hold your hand
and we gonna come together.
438
00:17:25,838 --> 00:17:28,440
PARISHONER: God is good, man!
PARISHONER 2: Yes, sir.
439
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,674
PARISHONER 3: Thank you, Jesus.
440
00:17:29,774 --> 00:17:30,475
Amen.
441
00:17:30,575 --> 00:17:31,476
PARISHONER 4: Hallelujah.
442
00:17:31,576 --> 00:17:32,945
(WHISPERING) There you go.
443
00:17:33,045 --> 00:17:38,251
In the name of God,
let it go, Ray! Let it go!
444
00:17:38,351 --> 00:17:39,185
Nigga!
(POPS)
445
00:17:39,285 --> 00:17:41,320
Oh, my bad.
446
00:17:41,419 --> 00:17:42,787
Last time.
447
00:17:42,889 --> 00:17:43,956
(HUFFS)
448
00:17:44,056 --> 00:17:45,457
(PASTOR CLEARS THROAT)
449
00:17:45,557 --> 00:17:49,328
Let's welcome a new member
to our congre-gay-tion.
450
00:17:49,427 --> 00:17:50,795
(SCATTERED PRAISE)
Let the people know
451
00:17:50,897 --> 00:17:53,199
how you feel, brother.
There you go.
452
00:17:53,299 --> 00:17:55,634
(SCATTERED CHATTER)
453
00:17:57,669 --> 00:18:00,106
I'm not gay no more.
454
00:18:00,206 --> 00:18:03,109
(CHEERING)
Hallelujah!
455
00:18:03,209 --> 00:18:04,076
PARISHONER 5: Yes, sir!
456
00:18:04,176 --> 00:18:05,443
I'm not gay no more!
457
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:06,979
PARISHONER 6: Praise the lord!
458
00:18:07,079 --> 00:18:08,413
I'm not gay no more!
459
00:18:08,513 --> 00:18:10,016
He not gay no more.
460
00:18:10,116 --> 00:18:12,318
RAY: I've been delivered!
461
00:18:12,417 --> 00:18:14,552
I'll no longer date a mans!
462
00:18:14,653 --> 00:18:15,888
Even if he's sexy as hell
463
00:18:15,988 --> 00:18:18,556
with a big old chesteses
and perky areolas!
464
00:18:18,657 --> 00:18:20,026
Oh, yeah,
you still got a secret.
465
00:18:20,126 --> 00:18:23,930
I'll no longer
carry a purse, put on makeup,
466
00:18:24,030 --> 00:18:24,997
walk around in high heels.
467
00:18:25,097 --> 00:18:26,399
What?
468
00:18:26,498 --> 00:18:28,700
Red bottoms. The one with
the cute little buckle
469
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,468
on the side.
Those is my shoes.
470
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:34,407
I'll no longer go on Grindr
and swipe right
471
00:18:34,506 --> 00:18:36,275
at Black mens...
Hmm?
472
00:18:36,375 --> 00:18:38,411
...white mens, Asian mens.
473
00:18:38,510 --> 00:18:40,779
You been on Grindr?
I'll no longer take trips
474
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,715
to the Philippines
looking for ladyboys.
475
00:18:43,815 --> 00:18:46,919
To Phuket. Ko Samui.
Back to Phuket.
476
00:18:47,019 --> 00:18:49,388
Then to Vietnam to see
if I can get them any cheaper.
477
00:18:49,487 --> 00:18:51,589
I thought that was for
our anniversary, Ray.
478
00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:53,525
Oh, this nigga
got a lot of miles.
479
00:18:53,625 --> 00:18:55,794
I'll no longer stand
butt naked in a mirror
480
00:18:55,895 --> 00:18:57,897
with my penis
tucked between my legs...
481
00:18:57,997 --> 00:19:00,765
(ALL GASP)
...dancing like the dude
from Silence of the Lambs.
482
00:19:00,866 --> 00:19:02,868
(AS BUFFALO BILL)
"It puts the lotion
in the basket, Precious."
483
00:19:02,969 --> 00:19:05,972
I'm a changed man!
I've been delivered!
484
00:19:06,072 --> 00:19:07,873
Shit.
I will!
485
00:19:07,974 --> 00:19:09,541
I said I will!
486
00:19:09,641 --> 00:19:12,244
I will love a woman!
(SCATTERED PRAISE)
487
00:19:12,345 --> 00:19:13,578
(EXCLAIMS)
488
00:19:13,678 --> 00:19:14,679
RAY:
Womans, womans, womans!
489
00:19:14,779 --> 00:19:16,648
You can take that "W-O" off.
490
00:19:16,748 --> 00:19:18,117
Womans, womans, womans!
491
00:19:18,217 --> 00:19:20,386
Mens-es, mens-es, mens-es.
492
00:19:20,485 --> 00:19:22,754
Womans-- (BABBLES)
493
00:19:23,488 --> 00:19:25,124
(BABBLES)
494
00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:27,893
No, no. No, no, Ray. No, no.
495
00:19:27,994 --> 00:19:29,862
(MOANING)
496
00:19:29,962 --> 00:19:31,364
(BABBLING)
497
00:19:31,464 --> 00:19:33,232
(MUMBLING)
498
00:19:33,332 --> 00:19:34,367
(HIGH-PITCHED BABBLING)
499
00:19:34,467 --> 00:19:35,968
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
500
00:19:36,068 --> 00:19:38,304
Whoa, nigga.
501
00:19:38,404 --> 00:19:40,272
Hawk tuah,
hawk tuah, hawk tuah!
502
00:19:40,373 --> 00:19:41,941
You hocking on it?
503
00:19:42,041 --> 00:19:44,010
("TWERK FOR JESUS"
BY NOVA VYBE PLAYS)
I've been delivered!
504
00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:46,112
♪ Work, work, working it
For Jesus ♪
505
00:19:46,212 --> 00:19:49,315
♪ No, the devilry is gonna
Stay beneath us ♪
506
00:19:49,415 --> 00:19:52,184
♪ The good praise
Really bumping
Out your speakers ♪
507
00:19:52,284 --> 00:19:54,619
♪ I'ma dance
'Cause His glory
Make me feel some type of way ♪
508
00:19:54,719 --> 00:19:56,554
♪ So we be
Twerk, twerk, twerkin' it ♪
509
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:58,523
♪ For Jesus ♪
I've been delivered!
510
00:19:58,623 --> 00:20:01,427
♪ No, the devilry is gonna
Stay beneath us ♪
511
00:20:01,526 --> 00:20:02,694
♪ Who make it happen? ♪
512
00:20:02,794 --> 00:20:04,497
♪ That's Jesus ♪
513
00:20:04,596 --> 00:20:06,465
♪ Who have us clapping?
That's Jesus ♪
514
00:20:06,564 --> 00:20:09,734
♪ And the devil can't ever
Come between us ♪
515
00:20:09,835 --> 00:20:12,637
♪ We out here clap, clap
Clapping it for Jesus ♪
516
00:20:12,737 --> 00:20:15,673
(SING-SONGY) Tuesday, Tuesday.
517
00:20:16,308 --> 00:20:18,144
(GRUNTING)
SARA: Oh, my God.
518
00:20:18,244 --> 00:20:20,246
Her face. All contorted.
519
00:20:20,346 --> 00:20:22,081
Oh, my God, and the moaning.
520
00:20:22,181 --> 00:20:24,083
(GROANS, SHUSHES)
521
00:20:24,183 --> 00:20:26,852
(GRUNTS, SIGHS)
522
00:20:28,154 --> 00:20:30,523
I've been trying to get that
out for an hour. (SIGHS)
523
00:20:30,622 --> 00:20:32,624
How you feeling, Tues?
524
00:20:32,724 --> 00:20:35,061
Hey, what are they giving you
for the pain? Is that--
525
00:20:35,161 --> 00:20:37,396
Is that morphine or...?
(TUESDAY GRUNTS)
526
00:20:37,496 --> 00:20:39,498
Bitch.
Let's see.
527
00:20:39,597 --> 00:20:40,765
(SARA GROANS)
528
00:20:41,434 --> 00:20:43,568
Oh, yeah!
529
00:20:43,668 --> 00:20:46,704
Oh, this that good, good.
530
00:20:46,805 --> 00:20:48,307
This that
Britney Spears shit.
531
00:20:48,407 --> 00:20:49,607
Makes me want to
get half-naked,
532
00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:52,078
dance around
and juggle some knives.
533
00:20:52,178 --> 00:20:54,612
Sara, who's that
Jeffrey Dahmer look-a-like?
534
00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:57,483
Oh. This is my boyfriend, Jack.
535
00:20:57,582 --> 00:20:59,784
Really nice to meet you.
536
00:21:00,553 --> 00:21:01,887
Looks like Ted Bundy to me.
537
00:21:01,987 --> 00:21:04,423
But that ain't
none of my business.
538
00:21:04,523 --> 00:21:06,525
Mm-hmm. Mm!
539
00:21:06,624 --> 00:21:08,626
This little stabbed-up
bitch here needs some rest.
540
00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:11,063
So y'all get the fuck out!
541
00:21:11,163 --> 00:21:12,164
Yes, ma'am.
542
00:21:13,065 --> 00:21:14,632
(GRUNTS) Oh, not you, Sara.
(DOOR SHUTS)
543
00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:17,103
(SLURRING) Why? What did I do?
544
00:21:18,003 --> 00:21:19,905
I'm so scared.
545
00:21:20,005 --> 00:21:23,542
(SIGHS) Oh, Tues,
you should be.
546
00:21:23,641 --> 00:21:26,412
You've been stabbed nine times.
547
00:21:26,512 --> 00:21:28,713
And the killer knows
where you live.
548
00:21:28,813 --> 00:21:31,250
I would invite you to come
stay at my place, but
549
00:21:31,350 --> 00:21:34,220
I don't really want
that kind of juju in my house.
550
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,488
(SIGHS) For all we know,
551
00:21:35,588 --> 00:21:37,890
he's standing
right outside that door.
552
00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:43,129
(SMOOCHES, CHUCKLES)
553
00:21:43,229 --> 00:21:45,397
That's comforting, Sara.
554
00:21:45,498 --> 00:21:46,731
I thought I was gonna die.
555
00:21:46,832 --> 00:21:48,901
I know, me too!
556
00:21:49,001 --> 00:21:51,470
I planned your funeral.
(GASPS)
557
00:21:51,570 --> 00:21:54,240
What the hell?
And I wrote your obituary.
558
00:21:54,340 --> 00:21:56,275
More like ChatGPT wrote it.
559
00:21:56,375 --> 00:21:57,576
But you're still here.
560
00:21:57,675 --> 00:22:00,146
And I will never
let anyone hurt you.
561
00:22:01,614 --> 00:22:04,250
Oh, yum! Ice chips!
562
00:22:04,350 --> 00:22:05,717
(SCREAMING) Oh, God!
563
00:22:05,817 --> 00:22:07,553
(PAINED SHOUT) Get off me!
(SUSTAINED BEEP)
564
00:22:07,652 --> 00:22:09,355
(PAINED GROANING)
565
00:22:09,455 --> 00:22:10,688
Help!
566
00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:12,525
This white girl can't die
on my shift!
567
00:22:12,625 --> 00:22:13,993
I'm a DEI hire!
568
00:22:14,093 --> 00:22:16,761
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
She was fine a second ago.
569
00:22:16,862 --> 00:22:19,198
No! No, I'm good! I'm good!
Clear!
570
00:22:19,298 --> 00:22:21,000
(GRUNTS)
Again!
571
00:22:21,100 --> 00:22:23,569
Come on, white bitch,
I need this job! Clear!
572
00:22:23,668 --> 00:22:25,504
It's not working!
Clear!
573
00:22:25,604 --> 00:22:28,274
We're losing her.
(GRUNTS)
574
00:22:28,374 --> 00:22:29,875
Harder!
575
00:22:30,476 --> 00:22:31,310
(BOTH GRUNTING)
576
00:22:31,410 --> 00:22:32,912
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
577
00:22:33,012 --> 00:22:34,346
(SUSTAINED BEEP)
Oh, boy.
578
00:22:34,446 --> 00:22:36,248
Look like there ain't
nothing left
579
00:22:36,348 --> 00:22:38,851
but thoughts,
prayers and pork rinds.
580
00:22:39,585 --> 00:22:40,685
Dear Lord.
581
00:22:40,785 --> 00:22:42,754
Nurse Ratchett,
check out the wire!
582
00:22:42,855 --> 00:22:45,291
The Wire was the shit, baby.
That's my show.
583
00:22:45,391 --> 00:22:47,126
Drugs and that Idris Elba
584
00:22:47,226 --> 00:22:49,528
make this coochie
want to pop, pop, pop!
585
00:22:49,628 --> 00:22:51,830
Dear Lord, please
586
00:22:51,931 --> 00:22:53,499
accept this white bitch's--
(MONITOR BEEPS)
587
00:22:53,599 --> 00:22:55,134
(GASPS) Oh!
588
00:22:55,234 --> 00:22:57,735
The Lord works
in mysterious ways.
589
00:22:58,437 --> 00:22:59,572
I'm going on break.
590
00:22:59,672 --> 00:23:01,407
Oh, Tues.
591
00:23:01,507 --> 00:23:02,875
I will never let anyone
592
00:23:02,975 --> 00:23:05,644
hurt you again.
Mm-mm.
593
00:23:05,743 --> 00:23:07,980
(BUZZES)
(SCREAMS)
594
00:23:09,348 --> 00:23:10,782
Ooh! My bad.
595
00:23:10,883 --> 00:23:13,319
(TUESDAY RASPING)
596
00:23:18,756 --> 00:23:21,093
(PHONE RINGING)
597
00:23:22,628 --> 00:23:23,761
Hello?
598
00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:26,332
GHOSTFACE:
Hello, Sara.
599
00:23:26,432 --> 00:23:27,833
Who is this?
600
00:23:27,933 --> 00:23:31,570
GHOSTFACE: Someone
who knows your little secret.
601
00:23:31,670 --> 00:23:34,340
No, no, I swear
that wasn't a Nazi salute!
602
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,807
Okay? I won Prom Queen
603
00:23:35,908 --> 00:23:37,876
and I was-- I was
throwing my heart to the crowd!
604
00:23:37,977 --> 00:23:42,681
GHOSTFACE: No, I'm talking
about your family secret.
605
00:23:42,780 --> 00:23:43,949
(GASPS)
606
00:23:44,049 --> 00:23:47,019
Oh, you're the fuck
who hurt my sister.
607
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:49,121
GHOSTFACE: Well, I had
to get you to come back here.
608
00:23:49,221 --> 00:23:51,857
Listen, if you want
to fuck with me, asshole,
609
00:23:51,957 --> 00:23:53,525
then come and get me!
610
00:23:53,626 --> 00:23:55,094
GHOSTFACE: With pleasure.
611
00:23:55,194 --> 00:23:56,695
(SCREAMS)
612
00:23:56,794 --> 00:23:58,464
(SARA SCREAMS)
(AGONIZED WAIL)
613
00:23:58,564 --> 00:24:01,367
(GRUNTS)
Help!
614
00:24:01,467 --> 00:24:03,369
Somebody help!
(GRUNTS)
615
00:24:03,469 --> 00:24:06,372
Please, somebody help!
616
00:24:07,139 --> 00:24:08,607
Bitch!
617
00:24:08,707 --> 00:24:10,175
This the break room.
618
00:24:10,276 --> 00:24:11,210
WOMAN: Mm-hmm.
619
00:24:11,310 --> 00:24:12,344
We on break.
620
00:24:12,444 --> 00:24:14,079
Oh, God.
MAN: Preach.
621
00:24:14,179 --> 00:24:15,080
(GRUNTS)
622
00:24:20,419 --> 00:24:21,920
Take that!
623
00:24:22,021 --> 00:24:24,056
(GRUNTS)
GHOSTFACE: Oof!
624
00:24:24,156 --> 00:24:25,057
(GRUNTS)
625
00:24:25,524 --> 00:24:26,824
Please, save me!
626
00:24:26,925 --> 00:24:29,662
I've been saving people
all day!
627
00:24:29,762 --> 00:24:31,530
So you handle yours.
628
00:24:31,630 --> 00:24:33,198
I'll be right over here
629
00:24:33,299 --> 00:24:36,435
eating my falafel
and my pork rinds.
630
00:24:36,535 --> 00:24:38,504
I look like your mama?
(WHIMPERS)
631
00:24:40,139 --> 00:24:43,275
Try me now!
GHOSTFACE: Break's over.
632
00:24:45,878 --> 00:24:46,979
(GHOSTFACE GRUNTS)
633
00:24:49,648 --> 00:24:51,150
You're welcome.
634
00:24:53,719 --> 00:24:57,323
It really looks like
you got hit with
something hard. Like metal.
635
00:24:57,423 --> 00:24:59,458
I told you, I fell.
636
00:24:59,558 --> 00:25:03,862
Now where exactly
are we going?
(SIGHS) To talk to an expert.
637
00:25:15,541 --> 00:25:16,742
MAN: Go away!
638
00:25:16,842 --> 00:25:18,410
I'm so sorry to bother you.
We just--
639
00:25:18,510 --> 00:25:20,045
We just want to ask you
a few questions.
640
00:25:20,145 --> 00:25:21,847
(THUDS)
Give me one good reason
641
00:25:21,947 --> 00:25:23,382
why I should talk to you.
642
00:25:23,482 --> 00:25:24,616
I'm white.
643
00:25:24,717 --> 00:25:26,452
How white?
Oh, I'm talking
644
00:25:26,552 --> 00:25:28,120
Candace Owens white.
645
00:25:28,954 --> 00:25:30,689
Oh.
Six feet.
646
00:25:30,789 --> 00:25:31,924
When you said expert,
I assumed you meant
647
00:25:32,024 --> 00:25:33,425
more like
Neil deGrasse Tyson or--
648
00:25:33,525 --> 00:25:34,526
Shut up.
(MOANS)
649
00:25:34,626 --> 00:25:35,994
I'm Sara Campbell.
650
00:25:36,095 --> 00:25:38,364
I was attacked last night.
I think you should leave.
651
00:25:38,464 --> 00:25:41,133
I don't want to get stabbed.
And I don't want Covid, okay?
652
00:25:41,233 --> 00:25:42,768
Please, come on. Just--
Let's go.
653
00:25:42,868 --> 00:25:44,136
Just two minutes,
that's all I'm asking.
654
00:25:44,236 --> 00:25:45,437
No. No.
655
00:25:45,537 --> 00:25:47,072
I'll give you eight minutes.
656
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:49,908
And another thing.
657
00:25:50,008 --> 00:25:52,544
(BOTH GASP)
I got to test you for Covid.
658
00:25:52,644 --> 00:25:54,246
(SWABS SQUEAKING)
(BOTH GROANING)
659
00:25:54,346 --> 00:25:55,581
Ohh!
660
00:25:55,681 --> 00:25:56,782
Ahh...
661
00:25:56,882 --> 00:25:58,250
You guys are good.
662
00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:00,185
When did the work week
become the "woke week"?
663
00:26:00,285 --> 00:26:03,355
We've got Black Friday.
What's next, Mulatto Monday?
664
00:26:03,455 --> 00:26:05,124
I mean, Yellow Thursday?
(DOOR CREAKS)
665
00:26:05,224 --> 00:26:07,826
GAIL ON TV:
Tan Tuesday? Come on.
666
00:26:07,926 --> 00:26:09,128
(TV CLICKS)
667
00:26:10,162 --> 00:26:11,697
Let me get this
out of your way.
668
00:26:11,797 --> 00:26:13,232
SARA: Oh!
Sorry.
669
00:26:15,467 --> 00:26:17,736
Oh, you, uh, have a cat.
670
00:26:17,837 --> 00:26:19,371
I don't have a cat.
671
00:26:22,441 --> 00:26:23,642
Gail has cats.
672
00:26:23,742 --> 00:26:25,644
You know, she's got
really nice cats.
Oh, no.
673
00:26:25,744 --> 00:26:27,312
A nice pussycat.
674
00:26:27,413 --> 00:26:29,515
Sometimes it can be
a little stinky.
675
00:26:29,615 --> 00:26:31,683
(TIMER DINGS)
Oh!
Covid tests are done.
676
00:26:32,718 --> 00:26:34,219
Yup! You're good.
677
00:26:34,319 --> 00:26:35,988
(BOTH SIGHING)
678
00:26:36,088 --> 00:26:37,656
You're Cindy's daughter, right?
679
00:26:37,756 --> 00:26:39,191
Yeah.
Yeah.
680
00:26:39,291 --> 00:26:42,995
I don't know him.
This is Jack.
My love interest.
681
00:26:43,095 --> 00:26:44,396
No! No, no, no.
682
00:26:44,496 --> 00:26:47,867
Rule Number One
of surviving a horror movie is,
683
00:26:47,966 --> 00:26:50,335
"Never trust
the love interest."
684
00:26:50,436 --> 00:26:51,537
Look at him!
685
00:26:51,637 --> 00:26:55,274
He's got that weird lazy eye,
poking one way
686
00:26:55,374 --> 00:26:58,677
and then he's drooling
like a psychopath.
687
00:26:58,777 --> 00:27:00,646
He's got that stump leg.
688
00:27:00,746 --> 00:27:03,048
Makes him all walk weird
and creepy.
689
00:27:03,148 --> 00:27:05,951
I don't have a stump.
Well, that guy does.
690
00:27:06,051 --> 00:27:09,254
Oh, I'm looking at me.
691
00:27:09,354 --> 00:27:12,791
Special Officer Doofy. Retired.
692
00:27:12,892 --> 00:27:15,895
Listen, Doofy,
we could really use your help.
693
00:27:15,994 --> 00:27:18,063
No. I can't go back
to that life.
694
00:27:18,163 --> 00:27:20,732
Plus, we're in the middle
of a global pandemic!
695
00:27:20,834 --> 00:27:22,167
Okay, I hate
to break it to you,
696
00:27:22,267 --> 00:27:24,938
but Covid has been over
for, like, years.
697
00:27:25,037 --> 00:27:27,005
Hmm.
Really?
698
00:27:27,105 --> 00:27:28,474
JACK: Yeah.
SARA: Yeah.
699
00:27:30,910 --> 00:27:32,344
Damn it!
700
00:27:32,444 --> 00:27:35,414
What am I gonna do
with all this canned meat?
701
00:27:36,582 --> 00:27:39,685
DOOFY: Get out! I don't want
Ghostface to find me.
702
00:27:39,785 --> 00:27:41,253
And don't come back!
703
00:27:50,830 --> 00:27:52,664
(IMITATING POLICE SIREN)
704
00:27:53,833 --> 00:27:55,400
It's the sound of the police.
705
00:27:55,501 --> 00:27:57,336
(IMITATING SIREN)
706
00:28:00,439 --> 00:28:03,943
Special Officer Doofy,
reporting for duty.
707
00:28:04,042 --> 00:28:06,778
Okay, just because he showered
doesn't mean that--
708
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,046
No, I didn't shower.
709
00:28:08,146 --> 00:28:10,382
I just take water
from my mouth and--
710
00:28:10,482 --> 00:28:12,451
You want some? Okay.
No, that's okay.
711
00:28:12,551 --> 00:28:14,888
Come on, Doofy.
Yeah, let's do it.
712
00:28:14,988 --> 00:28:17,089
Watch your step.
Okay. I'm watching.
713
00:28:22,494 --> 00:28:23,562
(SIGHS)
714
00:28:28,567 --> 00:28:29,735
(SLURPING)
715
00:28:35,741 --> 00:28:38,243
Brain freeze!
716
00:28:42,949 --> 00:28:44,316
(GROANS)
717
00:28:45,484 --> 00:28:46,552
(SIGHS)
718
00:28:49,821 --> 00:28:51,490
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
719
00:28:51,590 --> 00:28:53,425
DEI: Sara, is your
ghetto-ass mom coming
720
00:28:53,525 --> 00:28:55,028
or can we start talking
about this plot?
721
00:28:55,127 --> 00:28:57,229
Uh...
(DOOR OPENS)
722
00:28:57,964 --> 00:28:59,197
(DOOR SLAMS)
723
00:28:59,298 --> 00:29:00,465
Hi.
724
00:29:00,566 --> 00:29:01,800
You came.
725
00:29:01,901 --> 00:29:03,702
Not in, like, 15 years, honey.
726
00:29:03,802 --> 00:29:06,204
But I did buy this new rose,
727
00:29:06,305 --> 00:29:08,240
so fingers crossed. (CHUCKLES)
(PILL BOTTLE POPS)
728
00:29:10,442 --> 00:29:11,610
(SIGHS)
729
00:29:11,710 --> 00:29:13,211
CINDY: Oh.
730
00:29:13,312 --> 00:29:14,513
Oh!
731
00:29:14,613 --> 00:29:16,782
Oh, my old friend!
732
00:29:16,883 --> 00:29:19,184
You taught me how to dance.
733
00:29:19,284 --> 00:29:21,988
How to make a high N-word pie.
734
00:29:22,087 --> 00:29:24,489
Nigga, I'm right
in back of you.
735
00:29:24,590 --> 00:29:25,190
Shorty!
736
00:29:25,290 --> 00:29:26,725
What's up, Cindy?
737
00:29:26,825 --> 00:29:28,928
How you doing? My nigga.
738
00:29:29,028 --> 00:29:31,430
BOTH: (GIGGLE)
Shit, son!
739
00:29:32,531 --> 00:29:33,599
I love the hair.
740
00:29:33,699 --> 00:29:36,535
It's very Mickey Rourke
in The Wrestler.
741
00:29:36,635 --> 00:29:37,870
Yeah.
742
00:29:37,971 --> 00:29:39,571
I can't believe you thought
I was dead.
743
00:29:39,671 --> 00:29:42,407
Well, between cancer
from the weed smoke,
744
00:29:42,507 --> 00:29:45,011
your love of the McRib
and racist cops,
745
00:29:45,110 --> 00:29:46,445
I didn't think
you had a chance.
746
00:29:46,545 --> 00:29:48,780
Yeah,
that's a terrible combination.
747
00:29:49,381 --> 00:29:51,783
Hi, Cin.
Stop smiling at me!
748
00:29:51,884 --> 00:29:53,086
(CINDY GRUNTS)
749
00:29:53,185 --> 00:29:54,586
(ALL GASPING)
750
00:29:54,686 --> 00:29:56,089
Shit! WorldStar!
751
00:29:56,188 --> 00:29:58,123
WorldStar! WorldStar!
752
00:29:58,223 --> 00:30:00,459
Hey,
he's intellectually disabled!
753
00:30:00,559 --> 00:30:02,728
That's just how he looks,
you drunk honky.
754
00:30:02,829 --> 00:30:03,997
SHORTY: Hey, hey, hey!
755
00:30:04,097 --> 00:30:05,697
Don't call that white bitch
a honky.
756
00:30:05,797 --> 00:30:06,966
C'mon, have some respect.
757
00:30:07,066 --> 00:30:09,869
I keep seeing people
smiling everywhere.
758
00:30:09,969 --> 00:30:11,336
I'm not very likable,
759
00:30:11,436 --> 00:30:13,438
so it must be
some kind of curse.
760
00:30:13,538 --> 00:30:15,574
Hey, everybody!
(WHISPERING) She's high.
761
00:30:15,674 --> 00:30:16,876
Look what I got.
762
00:30:16,976 --> 00:30:18,543
Non-branded gelatin shots
763
00:30:18,644 --> 00:30:21,047
made with grain alcohol
and GHB.
764
00:30:21,179 --> 00:30:22,347
So ain't nobody sipping nothing
765
00:30:22,447 --> 00:30:24,050
they didn't consent to
like last time,
766
00:30:24,149 --> 00:30:25,250
which I apologize.
Mm-hmm.
767
00:30:25,350 --> 00:30:27,053
Take one.
I love roofying myself.
768
00:30:27,152 --> 00:30:28,253
(LAUGHS)
769
00:30:28,353 --> 00:30:29,122
No, Ma. No, Mama.
You sure, baby?
770
00:30:29,221 --> 00:30:30,489
Hi, Brenda.
771
00:30:30,589 --> 00:30:32,658
Please do not call me
by my government name.
772
00:30:32,758 --> 00:30:34,593
Call me Ma. (GASPS)
773
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:36,261
Cindy!
774
00:30:36,361 --> 00:30:37,864
(GASPS) Oh, my God!
775
00:30:38,831 --> 00:30:39,798
You dropped the tray.
776
00:30:39,899 --> 00:30:41,067
Oh, my God, Cindy,
777
00:30:41,166 --> 00:30:43,036
I haven't seen you in forever!
(GASPS)
778
00:30:43,136 --> 00:30:45,872
My God, look at you!
You look the same!
779
00:30:45,972 --> 00:30:47,305
Minus the crow's feet.
780
00:30:47,406 --> 00:30:49,541
And your hair is so dry.
781
00:30:49,641 --> 00:30:52,511
Oh, and your titties
dropped so far.
782
00:30:52,611 --> 00:30:55,447
Other than that,
you look the exact same.
783
00:30:55,547 --> 00:30:57,315
What have you been up to?
784
00:30:57,416 --> 00:30:59,484
Oh, you know,
neglecting my children
785
00:30:59,584 --> 00:31:02,989
so I can prepare
to kill Ghostface
should he ever return.
786
00:31:03,089 --> 00:31:04,456
What about you?
(SLURPS)
787
00:31:04,556 --> 00:31:06,926
Well, I been mostly just
getting high school kids drunk
788
00:31:07,026 --> 00:31:08,360
in a desperate attempt
to stay young
789
00:31:08,460 --> 00:31:09,594
and keep my kids at home.
790
00:31:09,695 --> 00:31:11,296
I always knew
you'd be a great mom.
791
00:31:11,396 --> 00:31:12,597
(CHUCKLING) Oh, Cindy!
792
00:31:12,698 --> 00:31:14,867
Should we hug?
Oh, I really want to,
793
00:31:14,967 --> 00:31:18,270
but I'm a Republican now
so I'm supposed to be racist.
794
00:31:18,370 --> 00:31:21,007
Oh, girl, I think all
white people are racist anyway.
795
00:31:21,107 --> 00:31:22,207
Come here.
Okay.
796
00:31:22,307 --> 00:31:24,177
Mm!
Oh!
797
00:31:24,276 --> 00:31:27,146
You want a shot? Yeah? Here.
Oh, yes, yes, please.
798
00:31:27,245 --> 00:31:29,414
You know, Ma,
this place could be so cool
799
00:31:29,514 --> 00:31:32,118
if you had, like,
a-a beer pong table over there,
800
00:31:32,217 --> 00:31:33,518
and maybe, like, a snack wall.
801
00:31:33,618 --> 00:31:35,253
What you know about cool?
When I was your age,
802
00:31:35,353 --> 00:31:37,823
I was popping bottles
with Puffy, Puff Daddy,
803
00:31:37,924 --> 00:31:39,158
P. Diddy, Diddy.
804
00:31:39,257 --> 00:31:40,726
All the Seans.
(GIGGLES)
805
00:31:40,826 --> 00:31:43,595
(SCOFFS) That didn't age well.
Your momma was the freak
806
00:31:43,695 --> 00:31:44,496
in the freak-offs.
807
00:31:44,596 --> 00:31:46,165
(GIGGLES) Shit, son!
(SMACKS)
808
00:31:46,264 --> 00:31:47,532
You want to see something cool?
809
00:31:47,632 --> 00:31:50,335
I'ma show you something cool.
(MUMBLING)
810
00:31:50,435 --> 00:31:51,838
(DRAWERS SCRAPING)
811
00:31:54,339 --> 00:31:57,076
(GUN COCKS)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
812
00:31:57,176 --> 00:31:58,343
God, that's cool.
813
00:31:58,443 --> 00:31:59,644
What are you doing?
814
00:31:59,745 --> 00:32:00,378
What?
815
00:32:00,479 --> 00:32:01,713
No, not like that.
816
00:32:01,813 --> 00:32:02,581
Like this.
(ALL GASP)
817
00:32:02,681 --> 00:32:04,217
(WHIMPERING)
BRENDA: Oh, yeah.
818
00:32:04,316 --> 00:32:06,986
I don't know why
y'all acting so scared.
819
00:32:07,086 --> 00:32:08,187
The gun ain't even loaded.
820
00:32:08,286 --> 00:32:09,688
(GRUNTS)
Shit!
821
00:32:09,788 --> 00:32:11,924
Oh, shit, son!
822
00:32:12,524 --> 00:32:14,193
Uh-oh. I did it again.
823
00:32:14,292 --> 00:32:15,995
(GIGGLES)
824
00:32:16,095 --> 00:32:17,362
(BOTH LAUGHING)
825
00:32:17,462 --> 00:32:19,264
I always forget that last one
in the chamber.
826
00:32:19,364 --> 00:32:20,332
Help me move this body.
827
00:32:20,432 --> 00:32:21,600
Yeah, you got it.
828
00:32:21,700 --> 00:32:23,035
That was fun.
829
00:32:23,136 --> 00:32:24,469
BRENDA:
Oh, so, what are you doing
830
00:32:24,569 --> 00:32:27,006
after this?
CINDY: I want to go to Cabo.
831
00:32:27,106 --> 00:32:28,740
BRENDA: Oh, I love Cabo!
832
00:32:28,841 --> 00:32:30,542
You know what?
833
00:32:30,642 --> 00:32:32,778
I used to put cocaine
up my hoo-hah
and travel there all the time.
834
00:32:32,879 --> 00:32:35,647
Well, that's because
you're so smart.
Yeah. (GRUNTS)
835
00:32:36,782 --> 00:32:37,682
(CINDY SIGHS)
836
00:32:41,020 --> 00:32:41,954
Oh.
837
00:32:43,455 --> 00:32:46,358
All right.
Let's get back to the plot.
838
00:32:46,458 --> 00:32:48,227
I'm looking at you,
Ted Bundy eyes.
839
00:32:48,326 --> 00:32:49,528
Looking like a school shooter.
840
00:32:49,628 --> 00:32:50,595
I think you the killer.
841
00:32:50,695 --> 00:32:52,064
JACK: Oh, me?
DEI: Mm-hmm.
842
00:32:52,165 --> 00:32:53,765
Okay, what about
Deputy Doofy over there?
843
00:32:53,866 --> 00:32:57,203
I-I don't have a motive.
You know, what's my motive?
844
00:32:57,302 --> 00:32:58,838
You were the killer
in the first movie.
845
00:32:58,938 --> 00:33:01,573
Shouldn't you be locked up?
No, I got pardoned.
846
00:33:01,673 --> 00:33:04,911
Mostly because of the
storming the Capitol, you know.
847
00:33:05,011 --> 00:33:06,678
Oh.
I got proof.
848
00:33:06,778 --> 00:33:09,381
This is me. And it's framed.
JESS: Oh.
849
00:33:09,481 --> 00:33:10,850
That's a cool hat.
850
00:33:10,950 --> 00:33:12,717
What about Jess?
851
00:33:13,351 --> 00:33:14,352
What about me?
852
00:33:14,452 --> 00:33:15,654
If anybody here has issues
853
00:33:15,754 --> 00:33:17,056
that could lead to murder...
(JESS SCOFFS)
854
00:33:17,156 --> 00:33:18,590
Okay, I get it!
855
00:33:18,690 --> 00:33:20,592
Trans-shaming
is not cool, okay?
856
00:33:20,692 --> 00:33:22,694
They-- He's just a dude.
Yeah.
857
00:33:22,794 --> 00:33:25,664
Minus the upper body strength
and the dick part.
858
00:33:25,764 --> 00:33:28,034
Hey, you don't know
what I got down here, okay?
859
00:33:28,134 --> 00:33:30,102
I do.
Hey, hey.
860
00:33:30,203 --> 00:33:32,004
Listen, what we know so far
861
00:33:32,104 --> 00:33:33,538
is everyone who's been attacked
862
00:33:33,638 --> 00:33:36,242
is related to
the original characters.
863
00:33:36,341 --> 00:33:37,509
He wants to kill the kids.
864
00:33:37,609 --> 00:33:41,479
Aha! He's making a rebootequel.
865
00:33:41,580 --> 00:33:43,182
A what now?
DEI: Yeah. It's like,
866
00:33:43,282 --> 00:33:44,516
a reboot and a sequel.
867
00:33:44,616 --> 00:33:46,718
Mixes legacy characters
with new characters
868
00:33:46,818 --> 00:33:49,721
in an attempt to feed into
bullshit nostalgia
869
00:33:49,821 --> 00:33:51,656
and bring more fans
to the theaters.
870
00:33:51,756 --> 00:33:53,893
Just like last year's
I Know What
You Did Last Summer.
871
00:33:53,993 --> 00:33:55,527
(DOOR SHUTS)
872
00:33:55,627 --> 00:33:58,030
That's a movie?
What did I do last summer?
873
00:33:58,130 --> 00:34:00,465
I think you're talking about
The Summer I Turned Pretty.
874
00:34:00,565 --> 00:34:01,868
Yeah.
BRENDA: Ray,
875
00:34:01,968 --> 00:34:03,870
when did you get here?
Oh, I been here.
876
00:34:03,970 --> 00:34:06,038
I was just hanging out
by the men's room.
(PHONE LOCKS, BUZZES)
877
00:34:06,138 --> 00:34:07,240
Oh.
My room?
878
00:34:07,340 --> 00:34:08,908
DEI: Okay, so that means
879
00:34:09,008 --> 00:34:12,410
that our killer is writing
his own version
of Horror Movie.
880
00:34:12,510 --> 00:34:16,182
Okay, so according to
the re-booty-call rules,
881
00:34:16,282 --> 00:34:17,350
who's the killer?
882
00:34:17,449 --> 00:34:18,516
(SCOFFS, CHUCKLES)
883
00:34:18,617 --> 00:34:20,752
I think it's pretty obvious.
884
00:34:23,289 --> 00:34:24,323
Who?
885
00:34:24,422 --> 00:34:26,359
You, bitch.
Me?
886
00:34:26,458 --> 00:34:28,361
Guys, I am not the killer.
887
00:34:28,460 --> 00:34:31,463
Ghostface attacked Tues
to lure me back here.
888
00:34:31,563 --> 00:34:35,001
I think he attacked Tuesday
to get you back here
889
00:34:35,101 --> 00:34:37,003
so he could get me back here.
890
00:34:37,103 --> 00:34:39,238
He wants to kill the OGs.
891
00:34:39,338 --> 00:34:40,538
That was a flex.
892
00:34:40,639 --> 00:34:41,941
Yeah, that sounds better.
893
00:34:42,041 --> 00:34:43,441
Aw, fuck this!
894
00:34:43,541 --> 00:34:46,379
And fuck you, Mother!
(SHORTY GASPS)
895
00:34:46,478 --> 00:34:48,047
To your mother?
896
00:34:48,147 --> 00:34:51,516
Hey! Don't be so disrespectful!
897
00:34:51,616 --> 00:34:53,085
And call me Mom!
898
00:34:53,185 --> 00:34:54,320
Or Mommy.
899
00:34:54,419 --> 00:34:56,821
Or whatever's more comfortable.
900
00:34:58,456 --> 00:34:59,691
DISPATCH:
All units, be advised:
901
00:34:59,791 --> 00:35:01,394
Suspect is still at large.
902
00:35:01,493 --> 00:35:03,029
Black cloak, white mask...
903
00:35:03,129 --> 00:35:04,729
(SIGHS)
...big-ass knife.
904
00:35:04,830 --> 00:35:05,563
(SNIFFS)
905
00:35:05,664 --> 00:35:07,833
(DISPATCH CHATTERS FAINTLY)
906
00:35:10,369 --> 00:35:12,104
(BABY WAILS DISTANTLY)
907
00:35:13,172 --> 00:35:14,874
(BABY CRYING)
(SIGHS)
908
00:35:14,974 --> 00:35:17,243
(PHONE RINGS, CHIMES)
909
00:35:17,343 --> 00:35:20,246
Talk to me.
GHOSTFACE: Hello, Sheriff.
910
00:35:20,346 --> 00:35:21,646
Agent Underwood?
911
00:35:21,746 --> 00:35:23,416
GHOSTFACE:
I'll give you one hint.
912
00:35:23,515 --> 00:35:25,885
What's your favorite
scary movie?
913
00:35:25,985 --> 00:35:27,954
Well, I'm gonna go
with Saltburn.
914
00:35:28,054 --> 00:35:30,856
I mean, the member on that
English guy was terrifying.
915
00:35:30,957 --> 00:35:34,293
Ken Jeong's junk
in The Hangover
was a much better depiction
916
00:35:34,393 --> 00:35:36,228
of the male anatomy.
917
00:35:36,329 --> 00:35:37,696
Now what do you want, fuckface?
918
00:35:37,796 --> 00:35:39,398
GHOSTFACE: Well,
I'm just calling to tell you
919
00:35:39,497 --> 00:35:41,167
that by the time you get home,
920
00:35:41,267 --> 00:35:44,103
I'll have gutted
your baby girl!
921
00:35:44,203 --> 00:35:47,173
Hey, asshole, she's a boy!
922
00:35:47,273 --> 00:35:50,475
(SIREN WAILS)
923
00:35:54,313 --> 00:35:55,547
(TIRES SQUEAL)
924
00:35:56,215 --> 00:35:57,183
Jess!
925
00:35:58,017 --> 00:35:58,951
(GROANS)
926
00:35:59,517 --> 00:36:02,254
(HEARTBEAT THUMPING)
927
00:36:05,024 --> 00:36:06,825
(DISTANT SIRENS)
928
00:36:06,926 --> 00:36:08,560
(BIRDS TWEETING)
929
00:36:12,331 --> 00:36:13,966
GHOSTFACE:
Looking for this?
930
00:36:15,134 --> 00:36:16,735
Let me help you.
931
00:36:16,836 --> 00:36:21,140
I got your baby dick.
Winky, winky, winky.
932
00:36:26,644 --> 00:36:28,646
(PHONE RINGING)
933
00:36:30,049 --> 00:36:32,218
All right. (CLEARS THROAT)
Here we go.
934
00:36:32,318 --> 00:36:33,818
What do you want, fuckface?
935
00:36:33,919 --> 00:36:37,356
GHOSTFACE: Well,
like father, like, uh, son?
936
00:36:37,456 --> 00:36:38,924
Uh--
937
00:36:39,025 --> 00:36:40,625
I understand
you're home alone.
(PLATE CLINKS)
938
00:36:40,725 --> 00:36:43,929
Well, Dad's out, but
the pool guy, the gardener
939
00:36:44,030 --> 00:36:46,932
and the plumber
are all here, asshole.
940
00:36:47,033 --> 00:36:48,868
GHOSTFACE:
Look out your window.
941
00:36:50,369 --> 00:36:51,669
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(MEN YELLING)
942
00:36:51,770 --> 00:36:53,272
(SIREN WHOOPING)
ICE!
943
00:36:53,372 --> 00:36:56,175
No! But they're the backbone
of the American workforce!
944
00:36:56,275 --> 00:36:58,844
(WHIMPERS) And I'm too white
to do those jobs.
945
00:36:58,944 --> 00:37:00,578
GHOSTFACE:
Let's cut to the chase.
946
00:37:00,678 --> 00:37:02,680
I'll ask you one question.
947
00:37:02,781 --> 00:37:05,583
If you answer correctly,
you live.
948
00:37:05,683 --> 00:37:09,422
Who was the killer
in Horror Movie?
949
00:37:09,522 --> 00:37:12,657
Oh, that's easy.
It was Bobby and then Gay Ray,
950
00:37:12,757 --> 00:37:14,626
the guy who was
totally into dudes,
951
00:37:14,726 --> 00:37:16,062
even though
he claimed he wasn't.
952
00:37:16,162 --> 00:37:18,130
Classic 2000s homophobia.
953
00:37:18,230 --> 00:37:19,631
But I got you, bitch.
954
00:37:19,731 --> 00:37:22,600
GHOSTFACE: Wrong! You forgot
Special Officer Doofy.
955
00:37:22,700 --> 00:37:25,703
Now you die.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
956
00:37:33,179 --> 00:37:34,914
Bumbaclot!
957
00:37:35,014 --> 00:37:36,182
(DOORBELL RINGS)
958
00:37:36,282 --> 00:37:37,950
GHOSTFACE: You should
probably answer that.
959
00:37:38,050 --> 00:37:41,686
I can literally see you
trying to steal my package.
960
00:37:41,786 --> 00:37:44,356
(PACKAGE FIZZLES)
GHOSTFACE: Oh, shit!
961
00:37:44,457 --> 00:37:45,524
(GAGS)
962
00:37:45,623 --> 00:37:47,193
Ah, that was easy.
963
00:37:47,293 --> 00:37:49,627
(DOORBELL RINGS)
964
00:37:49,727 --> 00:37:51,629
GHOSTFACE: Uh, someone
order steaks?
965
00:37:51,729 --> 00:37:53,698
It's GoPuff.
Hmm.
966
00:37:53,798 --> 00:37:55,468
(FLOORBOARD CREAKS)
967
00:37:55,568 --> 00:37:57,570
Wait a sec.
GHOSTFACE: Careful.
968
00:37:57,669 --> 00:37:59,737
You wouldn't want
to let in a killer.
969
00:37:59,839 --> 00:38:04,376
You are about to identify
as dead.
970
00:38:05,677 --> 00:38:06,846
(GURGLES)
971
00:38:07,279 --> 00:38:08,414
You...
972
00:38:08,514 --> 00:38:11,150
stab like-- (CHOKES)
a girl.
973
00:38:11,250 --> 00:38:12,351
(THUDS)
974
00:38:12,451 --> 00:38:14,220
(FAINT POLICE CHATTER)
(DISTANT SIRENS)
975
00:38:18,656 --> 00:38:20,960
Come on, girl,
hit that Ghostface Shuffle.
976
00:38:21,060 --> 00:38:23,562
Try the Ghostface Killah
Collection Bundle.
977
00:38:23,661 --> 00:38:26,031
This is Keke West
for OnlyFans Rapid News.
978
00:38:26,132 --> 00:38:27,799
"Rapid News".
You mean "Vapid News".
979
00:38:27,900 --> 00:38:29,969
You don't even
have a cameraman!
980
00:38:30,069 --> 00:38:31,636
(GASPS) My equipment!
(EQUIPMENT CLATTERS)
981
00:38:32,704 --> 00:38:34,106
Excuse me.
982
00:38:35,740 --> 00:38:36,976
Oh, my. You're--
983
00:38:37,076 --> 00:38:38,377
Yes, yes.
984
00:38:38,477 --> 00:38:39,879
Three-time Emmy nominee
985
00:38:39,979 --> 00:38:42,581
for Outstanding Achievement
in Sensational Reporting.
986
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,682
I was gonna say
the lady from Friends,
987
00:38:44,782 --> 00:38:47,019
but shorter
and with less Botox.
988
00:38:47,119 --> 00:38:48,454
Oh. (CHUCKLES) Is that
what you were
989
00:38:48,554 --> 00:38:49,855
"gonna say"? (LAUGHS)
Yeah.
990
00:38:49,955 --> 00:38:51,557
You seriously don't know
who I am?
991
00:38:51,656 --> 00:38:54,093
Babygirl, I am Gail--
DOOFY: Gail swallows!
992
00:38:54,193 --> 00:38:55,194
Hey.
993
00:38:55,294 --> 00:38:56,428
Hailstorm. Gail--
994
00:38:56,529 --> 00:38:58,696
Get the hell out of my way!
Oh.
995
00:38:58,796 --> 00:39:00,132
(POLICE SIREN WHOOPS)
996
00:39:02,868 --> 00:39:06,405
Doofus.
Hey, Gail.
997
00:39:06,505 --> 00:39:08,507
Wow. You haven't aged a day.
998
00:39:08,607 --> 00:39:11,877
You've aged
like a million days.
That's this many. Five--
999
00:39:11,977 --> 00:39:13,678
Your fingers
smell like genitals.
1000
00:39:13,778 --> 00:39:15,813
What are you doing
in that ridiculous uniform?
1001
00:39:15,915 --> 00:39:19,552
Uh, I-I'm back on the case.
Yeah, I'm gonna bust Ghostface.
1002
00:39:19,652 --> 00:39:20,853
Well, um,
1003
00:39:20,953 --> 00:39:23,389
tell me,
Special Needs Officer Doofy...
1004
00:39:23,489 --> 00:39:25,357
(DOOFY GROANS)
Um.
1005
00:39:25,457 --> 00:39:26,824
Wow.
Are there any suspects
1006
00:39:26,926 --> 00:39:29,662
in this tragic yet completely
predictable incident?
1007
00:39:29,761 --> 00:39:31,130
I-I'm not allowed to say.
1008
00:39:31,230 --> 00:39:33,632
No, no, okay, no.
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.
1009
00:39:33,731 --> 00:39:35,434
Not-- Yeah-- (MOANS)
1010
00:39:35,534 --> 00:39:36,569
(MUMBLES)
You can tell me.
1011
00:39:36,669 --> 00:39:37,802
Um, ah, oh, my God.
(CHUCKLES)
1012
00:39:37,903 --> 00:39:39,238
What the f--
(DOOFY CHUCKLES)
1013
00:39:39,338 --> 00:39:40,639
Hey!
1014
00:39:40,738 --> 00:39:42,608
Remember when
you used to give blowjobs
1015
00:39:42,707 --> 00:39:44,343
for sensitive information?
1016
00:39:44,443 --> 00:39:48,147
I don't give blowjobs anymore,
okay? Not since MeToo.
1017
00:39:48,247 --> 00:39:49,415
Okay. Sorry.
1018
00:39:49,515 --> 00:39:51,984
I give handjobs now,
but the story better be good.
1019
00:39:52,084 --> 00:39:55,820
Okay, I'll do a handjob.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
1020
00:39:59,225 --> 00:40:00,893
(INHALING SHARPLY)
1021
00:40:06,498 --> 00:40:07,799
What the--
1022
00:40:15,341 --> 00:40:18,344
I'm gonna get you.
Uncle Ray-Ray's gonna get you!
1023
00:40:18,444 --> 00:40:19,845
Ray?
You got my outfit,
1024
00:40:19,945 --> 00:40:21,313
you little critter.
1025
00:40:24,583 --> 00:40:26,852
Maybe weed shouldn't be legal.
1026
00:40:28,420 --> 00:40:29,321
(SCOFFS)
1027
00:40:29,421 --> 00:40:31,090
Fuck yeah, it should!
1028
00:40:33,125 --> 00:40:34,460
(GIGGLES)
1029
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:35,760
(DOOR SHUTS)
1030
00:40:38,796 --> 00:40:40,899
(LAMP CLICKS)
(SNEAKERS SQUEAK)
1031
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:42,935
GHOSTFACE: Hello, Shorty.
1032
00:40:43,035 --> 00:40:46,672
You do know
that smoking is bad for you.
1033
00:40:46,771 --> 00:40:48,374
Actually,
weed ain't bad for you.
1034
00:40:48,474 --> 00:40:51,477
You got Vitamin T, C and H,
1035
00:40:51,577 --> 00:40:53,579
C, B and D.
1036
00:40:53,679 --> 00:40:55,281
GHOSTFACE:
What's the matter, Shorty?
1037
00:40:55,381 --> 00:40:58,083
You look a little antsy.
1038
00:40:58,183 --> 00:41:01,754
Maybe because there's
a masked serial killer
1039
00:41:01,854 --> 00:41:02,988
sipping tea in my den.
1040
00:41:03,088 --> 00:41:04,923
GHOSTFACE:
Shorty, you're my nigga.
1041
00:41:05,024 --> 00:41:07,626
I mean, friend. Please, sit.
1042
00:41:07,726 --> 00:41:09,128
All right.
1043
00:41:09,895 --> 00:41:11,263
(SPOON SCRAPING)
1044
00:41:12,164 --> 00:41:13,999
GHOSTFACE:
Do you want to quit smoking?
1045
00:41:14,099 --> 00:41:16,201
Well, to be honest,
I tried to quit.
1046
00:41:16,302 --> 00:41:19,972
But my mother said,
"I ain't raisin' no quitters."
1047
00:41:20,539 --> 00:41:21,707
So I quit quitting.
1048
00:41:21,806 --> 00:41:23,976
GHOSTFACE:
We could try hypnosis.
1049
00:41:24,076 --> 00:41:25,911
Bro, I don't care
how many pocket watches
1050
00:41:26,011 --> 00:41:27,913
you try and wave
in front of my face,
1051
00:41:28,013 --> 00:41:29,715
it ain't gonna work, son.
(CHUCKLES)
1052
00:41:29,814 --> 00:41:32,551
You can't magmetize me.
GHOSTFACE: Sleep.
1053
00:41:32,651 --> 00:41:35,421
(SNORING)
("ROCKABYE BABY" PLAYS)
1054
00:41:35,521 --> 00:41:37,423
Shorty.
1055
00:41:37,523 --> 00:41:39,425
(SLURPS) Hmm?
1056
00:41:39,525 --> 00:41:40,825
What's up?
1057
00:41:40,926 --> 00:41:43,462
GHOSTFACE:
Tell me about your mother.
1058
00:41:43,562 --> 00:41:44,663
(SOFT SCRAPING)
1059
00:41:44,763 --> 00:41:45,998
Damn, nigga.
1060
00:41:46,098 --> 00:41:47,833
Let's start
with something light, like:
1061
00:41:47,933 --> 00:41:49,902
"Do you lick ass, yes or no?"
1062
00:41:50,002 --> 00:41:51,904
The answer's yes.
1063
00:41:52,004 --> 00:41:54,707
GHOSTFACE: So what
happened to her, Shorty?
1064
00:41:54,807 --> 00:41:56,608
(SCRAPING)
1065
00:41:57,509 --> 00:41:59,345
She was coming home.
1066
00:42:00,245 --> 00:42:02,481
Her car was parked
to the side of the road.
1067
00:42:02,581 --> 00:42:04,483
Someone was in it.
1068
00:42:05,184 --> 00:42:06,852
And something bad
was happening.
1069
00:42:06,952 --> 00:42:09,221
(WOMAN MOANING)
(MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)
1070
00:42:11,123 --> 00:42:12,825
GHOSTFACE:
Why didn't you call anyone?
1071
00:42:12,925 --> 00:42:13,859
I couldn't.
1072
00:42:13,959 --> 00:42:15,494
I had warrants.
1073
00:42:15,594 --> 00:42:16,995
GHOSTFACE: You were 11.
1074
00:42:17,096 --> 00:42:19,164
I started young, nigga.
1075
00:42:20,265 --> 00:42:21,166
GHOSTFACE: Oh.
1076
00:42:21,633 --> 00:42:23,535
What do you see?
1077
00:42:25,104 --> 00:42:26,271
I...
1078
00:42:26,372 --> 00:42:28,073
(WOMAN MOANING)
1079
00:42:28,173 --> 00:42:31,310
SHORTY:
I see a big explosion of water.
1080
00:42:32,911 --> 00:42:34,646
It was like
a Civil Rights hose.
1081
00:42:38,951 --> 00:42:41,253
Police said
it was a murder/suicide.
1082
00:42:42,388 --> 00:42:43,622
She killed that man.
1083
00:42:43,722 --> 00:42:47,659
When they opened the car door,
his limp body just slid out.
1084
00:42:50,896 --> 00:42:53,799
Like the green nigga
in Shape of Water.
1085
00:42:53,899 --> 00:42:55,701
I just didn't want it
to be real.
1086
00:42:55,801 --> 00:42:58,103
GHOSTFACE:
What don't you want to be real?
1087
00:42:58,904 --> 00:43:00,906
That my mother was a squirter!
1088
00:43:01,006 --> 00:43:03,242
(CRYING)
Okay! She was a squirter.
1089
00:43:03,342 --> 00:43:05,845
All the floors
in her bedroom was warped.
1090
00:43:05,944 --> 00:43:09,047
I can't move.
GHOSTFACE: You're paralyzed.
1091
00:43:09,148 --> 00:43:10,949
Now...
(SCRAPING)
1092
00:43:11,049 --> 00:43:13,185
...sink into the chair.
Wait, no.
1093
00:43:13,285 --> 00:43:14,586
Wait.
GHOSTFACE: Sink!
1094
00:43:14,686 --> 00:43:15,721
(ECHOING CLANG)
1095
00:43:15,821 --> 00:43:17,556
(SCREAMS)
1096
00:43:17,656 --> 00:43:20,325
(GROANS)
1097
00:43:20,426 --> 00:43:23,128
Nigga!
1098
00:43:26,565 --> 00:43:28,567
(INAUDIBLE)
1099
00:43:31,203 --> 00:43:35,941
SHORTY:
(ECHOING) I'm in a K-hole, son!
1100
00:43:37,075 --> 00:43:40,979
GHOSTFACE:
No, you're in a K-pop hole.
1101
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:43,949
(BUZZING, WARBLING)
1102
00:43:54,026 --> 00:43:56,161
Oh, shit, son!
1103
00:44:01,935 --> 00:44:03,302
Nigga, I'm numb.
1104
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:09,041
That's what they do
in the hood.
1105
00:44:11,878 --> 00:44:13,645
(SQUEALING)
1106
00:44:17,917 --> 00:44:19,551
Luke Skywalker!
1107
00:44:28,093 --> 00:44:29,495
(SCREAMS)
1108
00:44:34,666 --> 00:44:36,268
♪ Ohh ♪
1109
00:44:43,709 --> 00:44:46,846
(SHORTY COUGHS, CHOKES)
1110
00:44:46,946 --> 00:44:48,747
That's some good shit, son.
1111
00:44:48,848 --> 00:44:50,415
(GASPS, PANTS)
1112
00:44:50,516 --> 00:44:51,951
That dream was wild.
1113
00:44:52,050 --> 00:44:54,019
I must've been Elon Musk high.
1114
00:44:54,119 --> 00:44:56,388
(WOMEN GIGGLING)
1115
00:44:58,657 --> 00:45:00,325
(SPEAKING KOREAN)
1116
00:45:02,628 --> 00:45:03,930
(CHUCKLES)
1117
00:45:04,029 --> 00:45:05,631
(SQUEALS)
1118
00:45:08,534 --> 00:45:09,701
CINDY: Tuesday?
1119
00:45:10,369 --> 00:45:11,570
Tuesday?
1120
00:45:14,706 --> 00:45:16,074
Bobby?
1121
00:45:18,011 --> 00:45:20,112
Bobby, what the...?
1122
00:45:21,079 --> 00:45:22,916
She's gonna die.
1123
00:45:23,016 --> 00:45:24,550
Our daughter, Sara?
1124
00:45:24,650 --> 00:45:26,184
You're probably right.
1125
00:45:26,285 --> 00:45:28,620
She's tough, but let's see her
get stabbed in the gut.
1126
00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:30,055
I'm gonna die.
1127
00:45:30,155 --> 00:45:32,324
Bobby, you're already dead.
1128
00:45:32,424 --> 00:45:34,126
This hallucination
is a manifestation
1129
00:45:34,226 --> 00:45:36,295
of my own guilt
for being an awful mom.
1130
00:45:36,395 --> 00:45:39,197
Or it could be the shrooms
I just popped.
1131
00:45:40,065 --> 00:45:41,333
You're gonna die.
1132
00:45:41,433 --> 00:45:44,736
Bitch, you ain't killing me.
1133
00:45:45,637 --> 00:45:47,040
(SNARLS)
(GRUNTS)
1134
00:45:47,139 --> 00:45:49,207
(PANTS, GAGS)
(CLATTER)
1135
00:45:50,208 --> 00:45:51,577
You're gonna die.
1136
00:45:52,144 --> 00:45:54,646
Stop smiling!
1137
00:45:54,746 --> 00:45:57,050
I can't. Botox.
1138
00:45:57,149 --> 00:45:58,450
MAN: Hey!
Oh.
1139
00:45:58,550 --> 00:46:01,720
This is the mental ward.
Everyone smiles in here.
1140
00:46:01,820 --> 00:46:02,855
What?
1141
00:46:03,455 --> 00:46:05,357
How-- Um--
1142
00:46:05,457 --> 00:46:07,693
Could you point me
in the direction of the ICU?
1143
00:46:07,793 --> 00:46:09,227
Is it that way or that way?
1144
00:46:09,328 --> 00:46:10,930
Uh, visiting hours are over.
1145
00:46:11,030 --> 00:46:13,432
Oh, yes, of course.
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
1146
00:46:14,333 --> 00:46:15,734
GAIL ON TV:
The network wants me to clarify
1147
00:46:15,835 --> 00:46:18,303
that Black Friday
has nothing to do with race.
1148
00:46:18,403 --> 00:46:20,405
Well, just tell that
to my Black friend Benita
1149
00:46:20,505 --> 00:46:21,941
who's probably clocking someone
1150
00:46:22,041 --> 00:46:23,977
over the head
at Target as we speak!
1151
00:46:24,077 --> 00:46:25,243
Right, Benita?
1152
00:46:36,755 --> 00:46:37,723
(SQUEAK)
1153
00:46:40,659 --> 00:46:42,127
Shamone!
1154
00:46:42,227 --> 00:46:43,863
Man, you ain't Michael.
1155
00:46:43,963 --> 00:46:45,865
Michael got that Jheri curl.
1156
00:46:45,965 --> 00:46:47,566
What is that, son?
Is that shellac?
1157
00:46:47,666 --> 00:46:50,903
See, people think it's shellac,
but it's actually Sharpie.
1158
00:46:51,004 --> 00:46:52,371
Boy, your hair
looks like fondue.
1159
00:46:52,471 --> 00:46:54,439
I just wanna dip some fruit
and marshmallows in it.
1160
00:46:54,539 --> 00:46:56,575
Go on and dip.
Indoo-dy.
1161
00:46:56,675 --> 00:46:58,978
Michael's got a monkey.
I got a llama.
1162
00:46:59,078 --> 00:47:00,847
And he can beatbox.
1163
00:47:00,947 --> 00:47:03,682
(BEATBOXING)
1164
00:47:03,782 --> 00:47:05,217
That's Suds.
1165
00:47:05,317 --> 00:47:08,921
Yeah, he stink.
But when he spit, it's bars.
1166
00:47:09,022 --> 00:47:10,722
(BABBLING)
1167
00:47:10,822 --> 00:47:11,723
Come on, now.
1168
00:47:11,823 --> 00:47:13,191
Fuck Michael!
1169
00:47:13,291 --> 00:47:15,560
You can't dance, boy.
I've been practicing.
1170
00:47:15,661 --> 00:47:17,262
Oh! Whoa!
1171
00:47:17,362 --> 00:47:18,797
Jeez.
(WHOOPING)
1172
00:47:18,898 --> 00:47:19,999
(CRASHING)
1173
00:47:20,099 --> 00:47:21,299
Yeah!
(GRUNTING)
1174
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:23,102
Bong! Ow!
(GROANS)
1175
00:47:23,201 --> 00:47:26,005
I can moonwalk.
Ooh, ooh.
1176
00:47:26,105 --> 00:47:27,172
Ooh.
1177
00:47:27,272 --> 00:47:29,108
Where is this nigga goin'?
1178
00:47:29,207 --> 00:47:31,044
(BABBLING)
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)
1179
00:47:31,144 --> 00:47:31,978
Ow! (GRUNTS)
1180
00:47:32,078 --> 00:47:34,080
(GRUNTING)
Whoo!
1181
00:47:34,179 --> 00:47:35,948
NARRATOR: "Jermaine".
1182
00:47:36,049 --> 00:47:37,516
(FUNKY MUSIC CONTINUES)
1183
00:47:37,616 --> 00:47:41,486
Coming Juneteenth,
only on Tubi.
1184
00:47:43,522 --> 00:47:45,791
(MUSIC STOPS)
I'ma bootleg that shit.
1185
00:47:45,892 --> 00:47:47,359
(DOOR CLOSES DISTANTLY)
1186
00:47:48,061 --> 00:47:49,394
Hello?
1187
00:47:50,595 --> 00:47:51,563
Fuck this.
1188
00:47:56,802 --> 00:47:58,603
I'm gonna miss you all.
1189
00:48:04,010 --> 00:48:05,444
Oh, hell no!
1190
00:48:05,544 --> 00:48:07,880
Think Black, don't die.
Think Black, don't die.
1191
00:48:17,990 --> 00:48:19,058
(GRUNTS)
Oh!
1192
00:48:19,158 --> 00:48:21,293
Goddamn it!
Jack?
1193
00:48:21,393 --> 00:48:23,196
Did Sara tell you to come?
Um...
1194
00:48:23,295 --> 00:48:26,065
Yeah! That's why I'm here.
1195
00:48:26,165 --> 00:48:29,301
Not to murder you
or anything like that.
1196
00:48:29,401 --> 00:48:30,903
Then why
are you wearing gloves?
1197
00:48:31,838 --> 00:48:33,605
Would you believe I...
1198
00:48:33,705 --> 00:48:37,076
am thinking about dressing up
as O.J. Simpson for Halloween?
1199
00:48:37,176 --> 00:48:38,777
But those fit.
1200
00:48:39,611 --> 00:48:40,712
Look out!
1201
00:48:40,812 --> 00:48:42,982
Not cool, bro,
you almost hit a vein.
1202
00:48:43,082 --> 00:48:44,783
I-I mean--
Help!
1203
00:48:44,884 --> 00:48:45,852
(GHOSTFACE GRUNTS)
1204
00:48:46,451 --> 00:48:48,386
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1205
00:48:48,487 --> 00:48:49,788
JACK: (WHIMPERS)
Oh, yes!
1206
00:48:50,857 --> 00:48:52,091
(GRUNTS)
(PHONE CLANGS)
1207
00:48:52,191 --> 00:48:53,658
(GHOSTFACE GRUNTS)
1208
00:48:53,759 --> 00:48:54,961
Oh...
1209
00:48:55,061 --> 00:48:56,661
(MOANS)
(HISSING)
1210
00:48:56,762 --> 00:48:58,730
(COUGHS, WHEEZES)
1211
00:48:58,831 --> 00:49:03,368
GHOSTFACE: Whew. (COUGHS)
I'm gonna gut you like a pig!
1212
00:49:06,172 --> 00:49:07,472
(SNICKERS)
1213
00:49:07,572 --> 00:49:09,508
(ECHOING) I'm gonna...
(TUESDAY GIGGLES)
1214
00:49:09,608 --> 00:49:11,610
I'm gonna...
(LAUGHING)
1215
00:49:11,710 --> 00:49:13,411
(ECHOING)
What a stupid line.
1216
00:49:13,512 --> 00:49:15,347
(BOTH CACKLING)
1217
00:49:15,447 --> 00:49:17,083
GHOSTFACE: That is so true!
1218
00:49:17,183 --> 00:49:20,019
What are you gonna do?
Turn me into bacon?
1219
00:49:20,119 --> 00:49:21,286
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1220
00:49:21,386 --> 00:49:23,156
(IMITATES GNAWING)
1221
00:49:23,256 --> 00:49:24,356
(BOTH CACKLING)
1222
00:49:24,456 --> 00:49:25,757
GHOSTFACE:
I got to get better writers.
1223
00:49:25,858 --> 00:49:28,460
I'm laughing so hard,
my ribs hurt.
1224
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:31,964
GHOSTFACE: Wait until
I stick my knife in them!
1225
00:49:32,064 --> 00:49:34,366
(DISTORTED LAUGHTER)
1226
00:49:36,434 --> 00:49:38,470
(GHOSTFACE BABBLES)
(DISTORTED LAUGHING)
1227
00:49:38,570 --> 00:49:40,973
GHOSTFACE:
I'm crying over here.
1228
00:49:41,073 --> 00:49:42,440
I got to go
1229
00:49:42,541 --> 00:49:44,509
before you really kill me.
(BREATHLESS) Here I come.
1230
00:49:44,609 --> 00:49:47,180
Oh, God,
I might die laughing first!
1231
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:48,747
(CACKLES)
1232
00:49:48,848 --> 00:49:52,384
Oh. Oh, shit.
He's really gonna kill me.
1233
00:50:08,333 --> 00:50:10,802
(TUESDAY STRAINING)
1234
00:50:10,903 --> 00:50:13,505
(WHEELS SQUEAKING)
1235
00:50:13,605 --> 00:50:15,908
I want what they're on.
1236
00:50:16,341 --> 00:50:17,844
(GRUNTS)
1237
00:50:17,944 --> 00:50:20,812
GHOSTFACE: I'm gonna turn you
into bacon, little piggy.
1238
00:50:20,913 --> 00:50:21,981
(SCREAMS)
1239
00:50:23,448 --> 00:50:25,717
(TUESDAY WHIMPERING, SOBBING)
1240
00:50:27,153 --> 00:50:28,921
No, no.
1241
00:50:29,021 --> 00:50:30,755
No.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
1242
00:50:32,724 --> 00:50:34,359
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
1243
00:50:34,459 --> 00:50:35,560
I'm so sorry.
Out of our way!
1244
00:50:35,660 --> 00:50:38,064
Step aside.
Official police business.
1245
00:50:38,164 --> 00:50:39,165
Doofy!
1246
00:50:39,265 --> 00:50:41,868
(CROWD GROANS)
I like doing that.
1247
00:50:41,968 --> 00:50:42,869
Ooh!
1248
00:50:43,635 --> 00:50:45,737
Smile, you son of a bitch.
1249
00:50:45,838 --> 00:50:49,108
GHOSTFACE: What the f...?
My psycho mother said
1250
00:50:49,208 --> 00:50:51,376
always keep a strap.
1251
00:50:52,879 --> 00:50:54,080
Go! Go!
Okay.
1252
00:50:54,180 --> 00:50:55,513
I'm gonna go get
your love interest.
1253
00:50:55,614 --> 00:50:57,149
I'll get your love interest.
(TUESDAY MOANING)
1254
00:50:57,250 --> 00:51:00,385
Ow, the pain, the agony.
1255
00:51:00,485 --> 00:51:02,587
Sara, if I don't make it...
1256
00:51:02,687 --> 00:51:05,191
Seriously, Tues,
stop trying to win an Oscar.
1257
00:51:05,291 --> 00:51:07,525
It's a horror movie,
it'll never happen.
1258
00:51:07,626 --> 00:51:09,862
Just ask Demi Moore.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
1259
00:51:09,962 --> 00:51:12,597
(GROANS) No! No!
1260
00:51:12,697 --> 00:51:14,267
(TUESDAY WHIMPERING)
I got him. I got Jack.
1261
00:51:14,367 --> 00:51:15,500
(JACK SIGHS)
1262
00:51:16,568 --> 00:51:18,570
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
Doofy! What the fuck?
1263
00:51:18,670 --> 00:51:20,805
The fuck?
I can't help myself.
1264
00:51:23,175 --> 00:51:25,677
It's just me and you now,
Ghosty.
1265
00:51:25,777 --> 00:51:26,745
Hm.
1266
00:51:27,812 --> 00:51:29,748
You got to shoot them
in the head.
1267
00:51:29,849 --> 00:51:31,716
(WHISPERING)
Shoot them in the head.
1268
00:51:33,785 --> 00:51:36,554
(GHOSTFACE GRUNTS)
Oof. Ow.
1269
00:51:39,491 --> 00:51:41,593
GHOSTFACE: Die!
(WAILS)
1270
00:51:41,693 --> 00:51:43,695
GHOSTFACE:
Die, you little dumb dunce.
1271
00:51:43,795 --> 00:51:44,964
Smell...
1272
00:51:45,064 --> 00:51:46,132
my...
1273
00:51:46,933 --> 00:51:48,034
finger.
1274
00:51:48,700 --> 00:51:49,734
GHOSTFACE: Oh, God!
1275
00:51:49,835 --> 00:51:52,671
What the fuck was that? Ugh.
1276
00:51:52,771 --> 00:51:54,340
My ass.
1277
00:51:54,439 --> 00:51:56,541
GHOSTFACE:
Fuck your ass! Pause.
1278
00:51:56,641 --> 00:51:58,743
(GASPS, GRUNTS)
(STRAINS)
1279
00:51:58,844 --> 00:52:00,512
DOOFY: Oh, God,
that's-- that's my ass.
1280
00:52:00,612 --> 00:52:03,249
Oh, God. (GROANS)
GHOSTFACE: Any last words?
1281
00:52:03,349 --> 00:52:05,151
I go poopy.
1282
00:52:05,251 --> 00:52:06,484
(FARTS LOUDLY)
1283
00:52:06,584 --> 00:52:08,321
(DOOR CLICKS, CREAKS OPEN)
1284
00:52:08,421 --> 00:52:09,654
(GASPS)
1285
00:52:09,754 --> 00:52:12,425
Oh, hell no.
I ain't cleaning up that shit!
1286
00:52:12,524 --> 00:52:14,093
I'm on break.
1287
00:52:14,193 --> 00:52:17,696
GHOSTFACE: Come on, I do the
killing, not the cleaning. Ugh.
1288
00:52:17,796 --> 00:52:19,798
What you say?
Never mind.
1289
00:52:19,899 --> 00:52:21,499
(AIRHORN)
Yo, what's up, chat?
1290
00:52:21,599 --> 00:52:22,969
This your boy Shorty.
1291
00:52:23,069 --> 00:52:24,703
That's right,
it's another Halloween-a-thon.
1292
00:52:24,803 --> 00:52:27,772
And it's another day
of me getting paid mad money
1293
00:52:27,873 --> 00:52:30,276
for doing absolutely nothing
1294
00:52:30,376 --> 00:52:31,877
while you stupid motherfuckers
watch.
1295
00:52:31,978 --> 00:52:34,612
(ALL CACKLING)
And they call me dumb!
1296
00:52:34,713 --> 00:52:37,984
I want to give a smooth
shout-out to my sponsor:
1297
00:52:38,084 --> 00:52:40,319
Angry Orchard Hard Cider.
1298
00:52:40,419 --> 00:52:41,519
(CRACKS CAN)
(SLURP)
1299
00:52:41,619 --> 00:52:44,190
They got mad apples, son.
1300
00:52:45,992 --> 00:52:47,093
(YELLING, LAUGHING)
1301
00:52:47,193 --> 00:52:50,296
We created a slogan!
I'm a marketing genius!
1302
00:52:50,396 --> 00:52:52,331
Aight. It wouldn't be
a Halloween-a-thon
1303
00:52:52,431 --> 00:52:53,598
without a dope guest.
1304
00:52:53,698 --> 00:52:55,001
He's a legend
in the streaming game.
1305
00:52:55,101 --> 00:52:57,837
Give it up for Kai Cenat!
1306
00:52:57,937 --> 00:53:00,373
We gonna break the Internet!
(CHEERING)
1307
00:53:00,473 --> 00:53:02,441
ALL:
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1308
00:53:02,540 --> 00:53:04,276
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1309
00:53:04,377 --> 00:53:06,412
(CHEERING, LAUGHING)
1310
00:53:06,511 --> 00:53:07,579
Let's get serious.
1311
00:53:07,679 --> 00:53:09,614
What brings you to the chat?
1312
00:53:09,714 --> 00:53:11,417
You promised
I was gonna be in the movie.
1313
00:53:11,516 --> 00:53:14,153
I've been calling you.
You ghosted me.
1314
00:53:14,253 --> 00:53:17,156
Bro, I thought that was one
of my crazy-ass baby mamas.
1315
00:53:17,256 --> 00:53:18,590
That's-- That's my bad.
1316
00:53:18,690 --> 00:53:20,792
And speaking of ghosted--
(SCOFFS)
1317
00:53:20,893 --> 00:53:22,928
Somebody wants to talk to you.
1318
00:53:23,029 --> 00:53:24,397
(MOUTHING)
Hello?
1319
00:53:24,497 --> 00:53:26,332
GHOSTFACE: What's your favorite
scary movie?
1320
00:53:26,432 --> 00:53:28,234
(ALL HOLLERING)
1321
00:53:28,334 --> 00:53:30,136
(LAUGHS) Nah!
Oh!
1322
00:53:30,236 --> 00:53:32,704
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Ah!
1323
00:53:33,239 --> 00:53:35,908
(ALL CHEERING)
1324
00:53:36,541 --> 00:53:39,245
(EXCITED CHATTER)
1325
00:53:39,345 --> 00:53:41,147
We breaking the Internet, son!
1326
00:53:41,247 --> 00:53:42,348
What's up, my guy?
1327
00:53:42,448 --> 00:53:43,648
GHOSTFACE:
You got some Angry Orchard
1328
00:53:43,748 --> 00:53:44,850
Hard Cider in the house?
You damn right.
1329
00:53:44,950 --> 00:53:46,886
GHOSTFACE:
They got mad apples.
1330
00:53:46,986 --> 00:53:48,320
ALL: Oh!
1331
00:53:48,421 --> 00:53:49,554
Wassup?
1332
00:53:49,654 --> 00:53:51,290
Wassup?
1333
00:53:51,390 --> 00:53:53,558
(ALL YELLING EXCITEDLY)
1334
00:53:54,393 --> 00:53:55,861
We about to do
my favorite thing:
1335
00:53:55,961 --> 00:53:59,697
Spin the... wheel!
(CHEERING)
1336
00:53:59,798 --> 00:54:01,800
GROUP:
Extreme Noodle Game!
1337
00:54:01,901 --> 00:54:03,568
We gonna go back there
with these noodles
1338
00:54:03,668 --> 00:54:04,636
and we gonna smack
1339
00:54:04,736 --> 00:54:05,770
the fuck out you!
(CHUCKLES)
1340
00:54:05,871 --> 00:54:07,339
Then you gotta guess
who did it.
1341
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:08,140
GHOSTFACE:
That doesn't even make sense.
1342
00:54:08,240 --> 00:54:09,208
(GROUP CHANTING)
1343
00:54:09,308 --> 00:54:10,109
GHOSTFACE:
This is a dumb game.
1344
00:54:11,810 --> 00:54:13,112
(CHEERING)
GHOSTFACE: Oh!
1345
00:54:13,212 --> 00:54:14,146
Uh...
1346
00:54:14,779 --> 00:54:15,680
Kai. Kai.
Man, what?
1347
00:54:15,780 --> 00:54:16,581
Yeah.
(MEN CACKLING)
1348
00:54:16,681 --> 00:54:19,684
(GROUP CHANTING)
1349
00:54:19,784 --> 00:54:21,554
(GHOSTFACE GRUNTS)
1350
00:54:21,653 --> 00:54:22,654
(METALLIC SCRAPE)
1351
00:54:22,754 --> 00:54:25,157
Wait-- No, no, no--
(ALL YELL)
1352
00:54:25,257 --> 00:54:27,393
(GHOSTFACE CHANTING)
1353
00:54:27,493 --> 00:54:31,564
You just killed Kai Cenat.
On the chat.
1354
00:54:31,663 --> 00:54:32,764
(FIREWORKS BURSTING)
1355
00:54:32,865 --> 00:54:34,467
We making history, son!
1356
00:54:34,567 --> 00:54:35,534
(ALL CHEERING)
1357
00:54:35,633 --> 00:54:36,969
(SINGING) Money, money, money!
1358
00:54:44,877 --> 00:54:47,079
(DISTANT SIRENS WAILING)
1359
00:54:56,422 --> 00:54:57,990
Oh, thank God.
1360
00:55:01,026 --> 00:55:01,994
(SIRENS STOP)
1361
00:55:02,094 --> 00:55:04,363
MAN: It's about time
you guys got here!
1362
00:55:04,463 --> 00:55:06,332
Now you're gonna get it.
1363
00:55:06,899 --> 00:55:08,234
(COPS GRUNT)
Oof!
1364
00:55:08,334 --> 00:55:09,335
(COPS GRUNTING)
1365
00:55:09,435 --> 00:55:10,870
COP: Hold still!
(BLOWS LAND)
1366
00:55:10,970 --> 00:55:12,704
So that's our suspect.
(BEATING CONTINUES, MUFFLED)
1367
00:55:12,804 --> 00:55:15,241
Goes by the name "Shorthand".
Hmm.
1368
00:55:15,341 --> 00:55:19,711
Was the handyman at a house
reputed to be haunted in 2001.
1369
00:55:20,613 --> 00:55:22,148
Is there anything
you're not telling me?
1370
00:55:22,248 --> 00:55:24,016
That your wife hates you,
1371
00:55:24,116 --> 00:55:25,817
you believe the Earth is flat
1372
00:55:25,918 --> 00:55:27,920
and you voted for Trump
three times.
1373
00:55:28,020 --> 00:55:30,422
(STAMMERS) What, I was supposed
to vote for the woman?
1374
00:55:30,523 --> 00:55:31,789
Huh?
1375
00:55:31,891 --> 00:55:35,394
I believe Shorthand
is the notorious Ghostface.
1376
00:55:35,494 --> 00:55:36,761
(BEATING, SHOUTING
CONTINUES, MUFFLED)
1377
00:55:36,862 --> 00:55:38,931
What that mouth do?
1378
00:55:39,031 --> 00:55:40,633
Stop resisting!
(COP GRUNTS)
1379
00:55:40,732 --> 00:55:42,835
He did look pretty sketchy.
(BLOWS LANDING)
1380
00:55:42,935 --> 00:55:45,137
(BEATING CONTINUES)
1381
00:55:45,237 --> 00:55:46,238
(GROANING)
(THUDS)
1382
00:55:46,338 --> 00:55:48,541
They got the wrong guy.
(BEATING CONTINUES)
1383
00:55:48,641 --> 00:55:50,476
And you know that
because you're psychic?
1384
00:55:50,576 --> 00:55:52,744
No, says so
on the arrest warrant.
1385
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:56,081
I don't know.
(BEATING CONTINUES)
1386
00:55:56,182 --> 00:55:58,584
That guy's Black.
Nah, he's kinda...
1387
00:55:58,683 --> 00:55:59,919
not that Black.
1388
00:56:00,019 --> 00:56:01,686
(COP SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)
Like gravy brown.
1389
00:56:01,786 --> 00:56:03,389
(GRUNTS)
Ugh!
1390
00:56:03,489 --> 00:56:04,924
Get him!
1391
00:56:05,024 --> 00:56:06,691
Hit him with your strong hand!
(BEATING CONTINUES)
1392
00:56:06,791 --> 00:56:08,160
(GRUNTS) Boom!
1393
00:56:08,260 --> 00:56:11,263
Arrest him anyways.
Probably did something, right?
1394
00:56:11,964 --> 00:56:13,866
Turn off your body cams!
1395
00:56:26,178 --> 00:56:27,379
Miss you.
1396
00:56:29,814 --> 00:56:31,584
Poppa's here.
1397
00:56:31,684 --> 00:56:33,285
Tupac's here.
1398
00:56:33,385 --> 00:56:35,854
And Tekashi69 is here.
1399
00:56:36,821 --> 00:56:39,291
Wait. Tekashi69 ain't dead.
1400
00:56:39,391 --> 00:56:42,428
No, but his career is.
1401
00:56:43,195 --> 00:56:44,930
True that.
1402
00:56:45,030 --> 00:56:48,167
Can't let these
old-school rappers go, huh?
1403
00:56:49,101 --> 00:56:51,736
Kids today put "lil"
in front of their name
1404
00:56:51,837 --> 00:56:53,672
and think they got
a lil talent.
1405
00:56:53,771 --> 00:56:55,773
You should give
Lil Nas X a shot.
1406
00:56:55,874 --> 00:56:57,742
Dude really speaks to me.
1407
00:56:57,843 --> 00:56:59,345
That nigga's hard.
1408
00:56:59,445 --> 00:57:00,745
What you back here for, Ray?
1409
00:57:00,846 --> 00:57:02,514
I thought you was done
with Woodsville.
1410
00:57:02,615 --> 00:57:04,049
I thought you were
a northern man.
1411
00:57:04,149 --> 00:57:05,551
I'm through
with San Francisco.
1412
00:57:05,651 --> 00:57:08,487
Is San Francisco
through with you?
1413
00:57:08,587 --> 00:57:09,655
What are you asking me?
1414
00:57:09,754 --> 00:57:11,789
Do you have pride, Ray?
1415
00:57:11,890 --> 00:57:14,493
I think we should all
take pride in who we are.
1416
00:57:14,593 --> 00:57:17,830
Do you like
to taste the rainbow?
1417
00:57:17,930 --> 00:57:20,099
Skittles are
my favorite candy.
1418
00:57:22,635 --> 00:57:24,136
Ray, I prayed for you.
1419
00:57:24,236 --> 00:57:26,572
Then how come
none of those prayers
worked for our baby?
1420
00:57:26,672 --> 00:57:29,275
Mr. Pickels was 18
when he died, Ray.
1421
00:57:30,609 --> 00:57:32,745
That's old for a cat.
1422
00:57:32,845 --> 00:57:34,079
He was packing.
1423
00:57:34,179 --> 00:57:35,748
Now, what you want
with me, Ray?
1424
00:57:35,848 --> 00:57:40,419
I'm back, Brenda,
'cause I love you.
1425
00:57:40,519 --> 00:57:42,087
Ray!
1426
00:57:51,730 --> 00:57:54,733
(LAUGHING)
1427
00:57:54,833 --> 00:57:56,535
He's so sneaky, Ray.
1428
00:57:56,635 --> 00:57:59,271
(GIGGLING)
I'm gonna get it.
1429
00:57:59,371 --> 00:58:02,875
I got you! I got you!
You got me, yeah!
1430
00:58:06,145 --> 00:58:08,147
Oh, yes.
Put this on.
1431
00:58:08,247 --> 00:58:11,016
You sure, Ray?
Yeah, girl. Go on.
1432
00:58:11,850 --> 00:58:14,019
You wild, Ray.
You make me blush.
1433
00:58:14,119 --> 00:58:15,820
So sexy.
1434
00:58:15,921 --> 00:58:18,724
I wish you had a beard.
Hmm?
1435
00:58:18,823 --> 00:58:22,494
Here. Take this.
Oh.
1436
00:58:22,594 --> 00:58:23,562
What?
1437
00:58:23,662 --> 00:58:25,831
Turn around.
Oh! Sure.
1438
00:58:25,931 --> 00:58:27,466
Bend over.
Uh-huh.
1439
00:58:27,566 --> 00:58:31,603
Now drop it.
Okay. Okay.
1440
00:58:31,704 --> 00:58:33,072
I've dropped it, Ray.
1441
00:58:33,172 --> 00:58:34,606
Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.
1442
00:58:34,707 --> 00:58:37,343
Whose cell block
is this? Huh, Brenda?
Ray! Ray!
1443
00:58:37,443 --> 00:58:40,079
You didn't want to share
your tater tots,
nigga, at lunch?
1444
00:58:40,179 --> 00:58:42,281
Now you sharing
this bootyhole, nigga.
Yeah!
1445
00:58:42,381 --> 00:58:46,051
(LAUGHING)
You not in prison no more,
Ray. You free now, Ray.
1446
00:58:46,151 --> 00:58:47,419
Oh, yeah. That's right.
Yeah.
1447
00:58:47,519 --> 00:58:48,654
Okay. Now you get me.
1448
00:58:48,754 --> 00:58:50,189
My turn.
Let me drop the soap.
1449
00:58:50,289 --> 00:58:52,591
On three. One, two, three.
Wait.
1450
00:58:52,691 --> 00:58:53,726
Oops, I dropped it.
1451
00:58:53,826 --> 00:58:55,661
Yeah! Yeah! Nigga, yeah!
Okay.
1452
00:58:55,761 --> 00:58:57,296
Like this?
Yeah, nigga. Yeah, Brenda.
1453
00:58:57,396 --> 00:58:58,764
You still freaky, Ray.
1454
00:58:58,864 --> 00:59:01,500
Lower your voice.
Make it deeper.
(LOW) You still freaky, Ray.
1455
00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:02,601
Yeah!
1456
00:59:02,701 --> 00:59:05,304
Miss Hailstorm,
welcome back.
1457
00:59:05,404 --> 00:59:08,307
Doc, I'm begging you.
You got to help me
look younger.
1458
00:59:08,407 --> 00:59:10,042
These little bitches
are killing me out there.
1459
00:59:10,142 --> 00:59:11,210
They're wearing nothing but a--
1460
00:59:11,310 --> 00:59:13,345
a sausage casing
and a ring light.
1461
00:59:13,445 --> 00:59:17,950
Trust me with this withered,
decrepit, age-ravaged body,
1462
00:59:18,050 --> 00:59:20,085
and I will make you whole.
1463
00:59:20,185 --> 00:59:21,653
One Middle-Aged
White Lady Special
1464
00:59:21,754 --> 00:59:23,188
coming right up.
Thanks.
1465
00:59:23,288 --> 00:59:24,623
I'm gonna play a quick video
1466
00:59:24,723 --> 00:59:25,924
on the ins and outs
of the procedure,
1467
00:59:26,024 --> 00:59:28,427
and then we'll get started.
(CHUCKLES)
1468
00:59:30,162 --> 00:59:31,663
(HEAVY ELECTRONIC
MUSIC PLAYING)
1469
00:59:31,764 --> 00:59:34,868
NARRATOR: Do you wish
you weren't so old and saggy?
1470
00:59:34,967 --> 00:59:37,603
Do you wish you were younger?
Sexier?
1471
00:59:37,703 --> 00:59:39,138
Fuckable again?
1472
00:59:39,238 --> 00:59:42,775
One single injection
unlocks your DNA,
1473
00:59:42,876 --> 00:59:45,644
creating a new, better you.
1474
00:59:46,412 --> 00:59:48,614
This is The Stuff.
1475
00:59:48,714 --> 00:59:49,982
(MUSIC BLARES, CUTS)
1476
00:59:50,082 --> 00:59:52,217
Doc, this isn't that
Gwyneth Paltrow crap
1477
00:59:52,317 --> 00:59:54,486
that makes you
smell like her vag, is it?
1478
00:59:56,622 --> 00:59:58,457
("BRAND NEW"
BY ALIYA'S INTERLUDE PLAYS)
1479
00:59:58,557 --> 00:59:59,458
I like it.
1480
01:00:02,394 --> 01:00:03,295
(YELPS)
1481
01:00:04,730 --> 01:00:06,231
(PAINED SHOUT)
1482
01:00:07,566 --> 01:00:08,835
♪ I feel... ♪
1483
01:00:08,934 --> 01:00:10,669
(LIPS POP)
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1484
01:00:10,769 --> 01:00:11,637
♪ New ♪
1485
01:00:11,737 --> 01:00:12,839
♪ New ♪
1486
01:00:12,938 --> 01:00:14,573
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
1487
01:00:15,842 --> 01:00:18,010
Wow, that's a lot of Stuff.
1488
01:00:19,511 --> 01:00:20,712
Oh, a mask on a mask.
1489
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:23,148
Safety first, right, Doc?
1490
01:00:23,649 --> 01:00:24,851
(PAINED SHOUT, GASPS)
1491
01:00:24,983 --> 01:00:27,152
(WHIMPERS) Oh, no!
1492
01:00:27,252 --> 01:00:28,086
(GASPS)
1493
01:00:28,187 --> 01:00:30,022
I'm having second thoughts!
1494
01:00:30,122 --> 01:00:32,524
I'm gonna love
and accept myself as I am.
1495
01:00:33,358 --> 01:00:34,226
(SCREAMS)
1496
01:00:34,326 --> 01:00:35,828
("BRAND NEW" CONTINUES)
1497
01:00:35,929 --> 01:00:37,229
(GASPS, GRUNTS)
♪ I feel ♪
1498
01:00:37,329 --> 01:00:39,131
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
(GRUNTS)
1499
01:00:39,231 --> 01:00:40,966
(AGONIZED GROANING)
1500
01:00:41,066 --> 01:00:44,436
(WHIMPERING, GROANING)
1501
01:00:46,371 --> 01:00:48,373
(BURBLING)
1502
01:00:50,809 --> 01:00:52,511
(LOW GURGLING)
1503
01:00:53,512 --> 01:00:55,214
(PAINED GROAN)
1504
01:01:06,592 --> 01:01:07,593
(DISTANT ECHOING SCREAM)
1505
01:01:07,693 --> 01:01:09,728
(REVERBERATING TONES)
1506
01:01:11,430 --> 01:01:13,699
(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)
(MUFFLED BREATHING)
1507
01:01:35,922 --> 01:01:37,823
Oops. Wrong movie.
1508
01:01:37,924 --> 01:01:39,993
(GIGGLES)
1509
01:01:40,092 --> 01:01:42,594
You were thinking it.
GHOSTFACE: But you said it.
1510
01:01:43,729 --> 01:01:45,464
White Chicks 2, my ass.
1511
01:01:45,564 --> 01:01:47,132
("BRAND NEW" CONTINUES)
♪ I feel ♪
1512
01:01:47,232 --> 01:01:48,367
♪ Brand fucking new ♪
(NEEDLE CLATTERS)
1513
01:01:48,467 --> 01:01:49,768
♪ New ♪
(SNEAKERS SQUEAKING)
1514
01:01:49,869 --> 01:01:52,771
♪ I feel brand fucking new ♪
1515
01:01:54,007 --> 01:01:55,774
CINDY:
Hey, Sara.
1516
01:01:56,843 --> 01:01:58,477
(SIGHS) Tuesday, I--
1517
01:01:58,577 --> 01:02:00,546
I tried to visit you.
1518
01:02:00,646 --> 01:02:02,882
I am sorry for everything.
1519
01:02:02,982 --> 01:02:04,851
Especially your name.
1520
01:02:04,951 --> 01:02:07,419
It was Taco Tuesday.
I was super drunk.
1521
01:02:07,519 --> 01:02:11,223
But I promise you,
I will kill this motherfucker!
1522
01:02:11,323 --> 01:02:12,824
It's fine, really, we're cool.
JACK: I'm gonna--
1523
01:02:12,926 --> 01:02:14,126
I'll pull the car around.
We're good.
1524
01:02:14,226 --> 01:02:15,895
I'm going to take you
to the car!
1525
01:02:15,995 --> 01:02:18,297
I got stabbed.
I'm not deaf, you dumbass!
1526
01:02:18,397 --> 01:02:21,300
I'm taking Tues away
from all of this!
1527
01:02:22,035 --> 01:02:23,402
Oh...
Come on, Cindy.
1528
01:02:24,069 --> 01:02:26,338
I tried to run, too, but...
1529
01:02:26,438 --> 01:02:28,574
it follows!
1530
01:02:28,674 --> 01:02:31,410
Now you're probably expecting
a flashback to that movie,
1531
01:02:31,510 --> 01:02:34,013
but it's too obscure.
Yeah, and the plot is weird.
1532
01:02:34,112 --> 01:02:36,315
You have sex with someone,
give them a STD
1533
01:02:36,415 --> 01:02:37,783
and then it haunts them
in the form
1534
01:02:37,884 --> 01:02:38,784
of their naked grandma.
1535
01:02:38,885 --> 01:02:40,987
It's like a STD biopic.
1536
01:02:41,086 --> 01:02:42,187
Ugh, the killer is taunting me.
1537
01:02:42,287 --> 01:02:43,856
Why doesn't he just kill us?
1538
01:02:43,957 --> 01:02:45,290
Uh, speak for yourself.
1539
01:02:45,390 --> 01:02:47,159
Like, what are you waiting for?
1540
01:02:47,259 --> 01:02:50,629
Oh, no, no, no, sweetie,
sweetie. It's like this.
1541
01:02:51,831 --> 01:02:55,068
What are you waiting for, huh?
1542
01:02:55,167 --> 01:02:57,971
What are you waiting for?
1543
01:02:58,071 --> 01:03:00,706
What are you waiting for?
1544
01:03:00,806 --> 01:03:02,307
What are you waiting for?
1545
01:03:02,407 --> 01:03:04,142
God, I wish
you weren't my mother!
1546
01:03:04,242 --> 01:03:06,946
What are you waiting for?
1547
01:03:07,046 --> 01:03:08,280
(GROANS)
1548
01:03:08,380 --> 01:03:09,615
SHORTY: Candyman.
1549
01:03:10,515 --> 01:03:11,717
Candyman.
1550
01:03:12,551 --> 01:03:14,119
Candyman.
1551
01:03:14,219 --> 01:03:17,489
You sure about this?
FRIEND: Yeah, keep saying it.
1552
01:03:18,557 --> 01:03:19,725
Candyman.
1553
01:03:20,860 --> 01:03:22,694
Candyman! (GASPS)
(BOOM)
1554
01:03:22,794 --> 01:03:25,263
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(SHORTY YELPS, WHIMPERS)
1555
01:03:25,364 --> 01:03:27,633
(THUNDER ROLLING)
(ELECTRICITY BUZZES SOFTLY)
1556
01:03:34,473 --> 01:03:36,508
(WHIMPERS)
1557
01:03:39,678 --> 01:03:41,948
So what's up?
You got that candy, man?
1558
01:03:42,048 --> 01:03:45,217
I got weed gummies.
SHORTY: Yeah.
1559
01:03:45,317 --> 01:03:46,585
K-nuts.
SHORTY: Yeah.
1560
01:03:46,685 --> 01:03:48,320
Shroom chocolates.
SHORTY: (GIGGLES) Shit, son!
1561
01:03:48,420 --> 01:03:50,389
And what take you so long
to show up?
1562
01:03:50,489 --> 01:03:53,625
Come on, Clarence.
I called you five times.
1563
01:03:53,725 --> 01:03:55,094
Nigga, show up in three.
1564
01:03:55,193 --> 01:03:57,063
You ain't even call me
on the phone.
1565
01:03:57,162 --> 01:03:58,497
Luckily I was walking by
1566
01:03:58,597 --> 01:04:00,632
and heard y'all
through the hole in this wall.
1567
01:04:00,732 --> 01:04:03,335
And fix that shit.
You shut your ass up.
1568
01:04:03,435 --> 01:04:06,139
You need to go
to a proctologist
and get your skin looked at.
1569
01:04:06,238 --> 01:04:09,408
Having acne over
the age of 40 is wild work.
1570
01:04:09,508 --> 01:04:11,543
I look better than this nigga.
Maybe on this side.
1571
01:04:11,643 --> 01:04:14,246
Hey, ain't no time for beefing.
We about to be high as fuck.
1572
01:04:14,346 --> 01:04:16,481
We gonna party, son!
(CACKLES, SCREAMS)
1573
01:04:16,581 --> 01:04:18,717
("WORK"
BY JAKOB CAMPBELL PLAYS)
1574
01:04:18,817 --> 01:04:20,752
♪ Coming in hot
They better watch it... ♪
Happy Halloween, y'all.
1575
01:04:20,853 --> 01:04:22,387
Watch out for Ghostface.
♪ If they come
For my spot... ♪
1576
01:04:22,487 --> 01:04:25,190
That's right. Drink up!
GIRL: Hey!
1577
01:04:25,290 --> 01:04:28,094
Hey! I love it. Look at that.
1578
01:04:28,193 --> 01:04:29,661
You're looking good.
1579
01:04:29,761 --> 01:04:31,064
You seen your sister?
1580
01:04:31,164 --> 01:04:32,932
♪ You always better ♪
(SIGHS)
1581
01:04:33,032 --> 01:04:35,400
♪ When you at the top
But I had... ♪
BRENDA: Ray, you seen Dei?
1582
01:04:35,500 --> 01:04:37,736
I-I can't find her since
she went to that protest.
1583
01:04:38,236 --> 01:04:40,840
No.
(SIGHS)
1584
01:04:40,940 --> 01:04:44,543
Ray, let me guess.
You are Woody from Toy Story!
1585
01:04:44,643 --> 01:04:46,678
Nah, Brenda, that's gay.
Oh.
1586
01:04:46,778 --> 01:04:49,681
Jake Gyllenhaal
from Brokeback Mountain.
1587
01:04:49,781 --> 01:04:53,251
"I wish I knew how to quit you,
but I can't."
1588
01:04:53,920 --> 01:04:56,089
You love that movie!
1589
01:04:56,189 --> 01:04:57,556
Hey, Brenda!
Huh?
1590
01:04:57,656 --> 01:04:59,624
(STAMMERS) Have you seen
my big old bag of candy?
1591
01:04:59,725 --> 01:05:02,895
It had chocolates,
gummies, lollipops.
1592
01:05:03,428 --> 01:05:04,429
I-It's gone missing.
1593
01:05:04,529 --> 01:05:05,731
No, no, no, it's not missing.
1594
01:05:05,832 --> 01:05:07,900
I passed it out
to the trick-or-treaters.
1595
01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:11,236
Brenda, that's my stash!
(GASPS)
1596
01:05:11,336 --> 01:05:13,772
(DRAMATIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
1597
01:05:20,746 --> 01:05:22,048
(CHILD LAUGHS)
1598
01:05:22,148 --> 01:05:25,918
(ECHOING) I'm so fucking high!
1599
01:05:28,921 --> 01:05:29,989
Whoo-hoo!
1600
01:05:30,089 --> 01:05:32,892
(ECHOING) I can't feel my face!
1601
01:05:35,027 --> 01:05:38,965
(ECHOING)
I'm on that Naruto shit!
1602
01:05:39,731 --> 01:05:43,502
(ECHOING)
Six-seven! Six-seven!
1603
01:05:43,602 --> 01:05:45,270
(ENGINE REVS, HORN HONKS)
(SCREAMS)
1604
01:05:45,370 --> 01:05:47,240
(ECHOING SCREAM)
1605
01:05:47,339 --> 01:05:49,641
(TRAIN RUMBLING)
1606
01:06:05,323 --> 01:06:06,658
(SOFT GASP)
1607
01:06:08,895 --> 01:06:10,629
(WHISPERING) Fuck.
1608
01:06:14,332 --> 01:06:17,569
(FAINT, ECHOING CHILD'S VOICE)
1609
01:06:18,303 --> 01:06:19,638
Why is she looking at me?
1610
01:06:19,738 --> 01:06:21,306
("STILL OUTSIDE"
BY BIG BOSS VETTE PLAYS)
1611
01:06:21,406 --> 01:06:22,440
♪ Fucking with a boss, yeah
It costs ya ♪
1612
01:06:22,541 --> 01:06:24,643
A little disturbing.
1613
01:06:24,743 --> 01:06:25,945
I'm here for it.
1614
01:06:26,045 --> 01:06:27,445
♪ Yeah
It's all there ♪
1615
01:06:27,546 --> 01:06:28,580
♪ Bend it over
Touch your paws, yeah ♪
1616
01:06:28,680 --> 01:06:29,781
♪ Make it talk, yeah ♪
1617
01:06:29,882 --> 01:06:31,117
Oh. Okay.
1618
01:06:31,217 --> 01:06:33,318
♪ Make that ass jump
Uh-huh ♪
1619
01:06:33,418 --> 01:06:34,352
♪ Make that ass jump ♪
Hey, hey!
1620
01:06:34,452 --> 01:06:35,754
♪ You better ♪
1621
01:06:35,855 --> 01:06:37,589
♪ You better
Make that ass jump ♪
1622
01:06:37,689 --> 01:06:39,558
♪ My nigga sleep so you know
I'm outside tho ♪
1623
01:06:39,658 --> 01:06:41,726
♪ Jet skis ass out
Crop top hoe-- ♪
1624
01:06:41,827 --> 01:06:43,029
Hey!
1625
01:06:43,129 --> 01:06:46,899
Do you know how many baby seals
die from microplastics?
1626
01:06:54,606 --> 01:06:55,340
Shit.
1627
01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:57,176
GHOSTFACE: It's Ghostface!
1628
01:06:57,276 --> 01:06:58,543
(GASPS)
1629
01:06:58,643 --> 01:07:00,679
(STABBING)
(GRUNTS, YELPS)
1630
01:07:01,713 --> 01:07:03,381
Oh, my God! He stabbed her!
1631
01:07:03,481 --> 01:07:06,718
Not "her".
My pronouns are "they/them".
1632
01:07:06,818 --> 01:07:08,120
He stabbed "them"!
1633
01:07:08,221 --> 01:07:11,123
I'm over 40. How am I supposed
to keep up with all of this?
1634
01:07:11,224 --> 01:07:12,291
GHOSTFACE: She's not wrong.
1635
01:07:12,390 --> 01:07:13,960
It's Karens like you
1636
01:07:14,060 --> 01:07:17,529
that keep the patriarchy going,
with their knees on our necks!
1637
01:07:17,629 --> 01:07:20,266
Now you're playing
the race card?
1638
01:07:20,365 --> 01:07:23,102
I've had enough of her shit.
"Their" shit, bitch!
1639
01:07:25,204 --> 01:07:26,072
(YELPS)
1640
01:07:26,172 --> 01:07:27,173
And to be clear,
1641
01:07:27,273 --> 01:07:29,774
my real name is Karen!
(STABBING)
1642
01:07:29,876 --> 01:07:31,978
GHOSTFACE:
Oh, shit. This is too good.
1643
01:07:32,078 --> 01:07:33,511
Ignore the insults.
1644
01:07:33,612 --> 01:07:35,915
"They" don't realize
we're here to help "them".
1645
01:07:36,015 --> 01:07:37,482
Toxic masculinity
1646
01:07:37,582 --> 01:07:40,353
and mansplaining
doesn't help anybody!
1647
01:07:40,452 --> 01:07:42,255
How is my masculinity toxic?
1648
01:07:42,355 --> 01:07:44,123
I love women and sports.
1649
01:07:44,223 --> 01:07:46,959
Just not together.
Come here, bitch.
1650
01:07:47,059 --> 01:07:48,593
(STABS)
MAN: My turn!
1651
01:07:48,693 --> 01:07:50,229
MAN 2: Me next!
MAN 3: They ain't ready for
1652
01:07:50,329 --> 01:07:51,330
this!
(WHIMPERS)
1653
01:07:51,429 --> 01:07:52,430
MAN 4: Let me at them!
Me next!
1654
01:07:52,530 --> 01:07:53,431
Fuck your pronouns.
Oh, shit.
1655
01:07:53,531 --> 01:07:55,034
Suck knife.
(GRUNTS)
1656
01:07:55,134 --> 01:07:57,203
(AGONIZED MOAN)
1657
01:07:57,303 --> 01:07:58,403
(THUDS)
1658
01:07:58,503 --> 01:08:00,239
GHOSTFACE:
I blame the manosphere.
1659
01:08:00,339 --> 01:08:01,573
♪ Hit the bar
Rock side-to-side ♪
1660
01:08:01,673 --> 01:08:03,508
♪ And lean in a bit ♪
1661
01:08:03,608 --> 01:08:04,743
♪ Shining like a star
'Cause every night... ♪
1662
01:08:04,844 --> 01:08:06,979
Uncle Shorty.
What's up, nephew?
1663
01:08:07,079 --> 01:08:09,015
Can I ask you something?
1664
01:08:09,115 --> 01:08:10,582
Yeah, shoot.
1665
01:08:11,384 --> 01:08:13,319
It's about, y-you know,
1666
01:08:13,418 --> 01:08:14,753
how to go down on a girl.
1667
01:08:14,854 --> 01:08:17,023
You talking about eating pussy?
1668
01:08:17,123 --> 01:08:19,358
That's so cringe, but yeah.
1669
01:08:19,457 --> 01:08:22,594
Well, maybe if you stop talking
like a 14-year-old white girl,
1670
01:08:22,694 --> 01:08:24,330
you could learn something.
1671
01:08:24,429 --> 01:08:25,630
All right, so listen up.
1672
01:08:25,730 --> 01:08:27,066
First thing you got to do,
you got to--
1673
01:08:27,166 --> 01:08:28,868
You got to spread them legs.
You got to open it up.
1674
01:08:28,968 --> 01:08:30,669
Then you want
to use your fingers.
1675
01:08:30,769 --> 01:08:33,839
Sometimes you can use two.
Two fingers, like that there.
1676
01:08:33,940 --> 01:08:34,941
Yeah?
1677
01:08:35,041 --> 01:08:37,043
Now, once you get it
all in there, now...
1678
01:08:37,709 --> 01:08:39,145
you got to use your tongue.
1679
01:08:39,245 --> 01:08:40,478
You can't be afraid of it.
1680
01:08:40,578 --> 01:08:43,615
(MOANING, GRUNTING)
1681
01:08:43,715 --> 01:08:45,384
Yeah, lean into it.
1682
01:08:45,517 --> 01:08:47,019
Nah, nah, nah,
you doing it too fast.
1683
01:08:47,119 --> 01:08:48,287
(GABBLES)
1684
01:08:48,387 --> 01:08:49,587
What are you, a lizard?
1685
01:08:49,688 --> 01:08:51,589
You got to be gentle.
You got to talk to it.
1686
01:08:51,690 --> 01:08:52,992
"Hey there, little guy,
1687
01:08:53,092 --> 01:08:55,061
how you doing?"
(SOFTLY)
Hey there, little guy.
1688
01:08:55,760 --> 01:08:58,364
Boom!
Just like rolling a blunt.
1689
01:08:58,463 --> 01:09:00,598
All you got to do, nephew...
1690
01:09:03,869 --> 01:09:05,670
(BREATHLESSLY)
Is hit that shit.
1691
01:09:06,205 --> 01:09:07,572
Got it?
Mm-hmm.
1692
01:09:07,672 --> 01:09:08,975
All right, now,
1693
01:09:09,075 --> 01:09:12,244
if you want to learn
to lick ass, ask your mama.
1694
01:09:12,345 --> 01:09:14,146
Ma!
1695
01:09:14,246 --> 01:09:17,816
Now, this is
a fantastic party.
1696
01:09:17,917 --> 01:09:18,817
Well, thank you.
1697
01:09:18,918 --> 01:09:21,786
You and me, we're drinking.
1698
01:09:21,887 --> 01:09:24,190
No, I don't-- I don't drink.
One shot.
1699
01:09:24,290 --> 01:09:25,958
Ma! Ma! Ma!
1700
01:09:26,058 --> 01:09:29,228
Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma!
What? Come on.
1701
01:09:29,328 --> 01:09:31,496
Okay, okay. I'll do one.
1702
01:09:34,934 --> 01:09:38,270
(ALL WHOOPING)
1703
01:09:38,371 --> 01:09:39,405
(LAUGHING)
1704
01:09:39,504 --> 01:09:41,573
I'ma do one more.
1705
01:09:41,673 --> 01:09:44,110
Just one more.
That's all you.
1706
01:09:46,145 --> 01:09:47,380
(ALL WHOOPING)
1707
01:09:47,480 --> 01:09:50,515
I'm gonna have
one motherfuckin' more.
1708
01:09:50,615 --> 01:09:51,583
No, no, no, no. Maybe--
1709
01:09:51,683 --> 01:09:54,020
One, two, three!
No, no.
1710
01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:56,222
(ALL SCREAMING)
1711
01:09:56,322 --> 01:09:57,622
Here. Take that.
1712
01:09:58,457 --> 01:10:00,226
Whoo!
1713
01:10:11,937 --> 01:10:15,508
♪ Everybody was
kung fu fighting ♪
1714
01:10:15,607 --> 01:10:17,675
(ALL SHOUTING)
1715
01:10:21,546 --> 01:10:22,948
(GRUNTS)
1716
01:10:26,952 --> 01:10:28,187
(SCREAMS)
1717
01:10:29,055 --> 01:10:31,257
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
1718
01:10:31,357 --> 01:10:33,192
Uh! Oh!
(THUDDING)
1719
01:10:33,691 --> 01:10:35,094
Oh!
(ALL GROANING)
1720
01:10:35,194 --> 01:10:38,431
Bitch-ass generation
don't even know how to party.
1721
01:10:38,531 --> 01:10:40,665
(ELLE MOANING)
(LOUD KISSING)
1722
01:10:40,765 --> 01:10:43,402
ELLE: You feel so good.
1723
01:10:43,502 --> 01:10:44,904
(MOANING)
1724
01:10:45,004 --> 01:10:46,105
Oh, yeah.
1725
01:10:46,205 --> 01:10:47,705
Elle.
1726
01:10:47,806 --> 01:10:49,141
I want to try something.
1727
01:10:49,241 --> 01:10:51,544
I-I thought you said
you'd never let me peg you.
1728
01:10:51,643 --> 01:10:53,345
What? No. (SCOFFS)
1729
01:10:53,446 --> 01:10:54,746
Relax.
1730
01:10:54,847 --> 01:10:56,449
I just want to taste you.
1731
01:10:56,549 --> 01:10:58,317
(CHUCKLES)
1732
01:10:59,118 --> 01:11:00,319
Okay.
1733
01:11:00,419 --> 01:11:01,586
(BELL TINKLES)
1734
01:11:01,686 --> 01:11:03,355
Dinner time. (CHUCKLES)
1735
01:11:03,456 --> 01:11:06,092
Oh, yeah, come here, baby.
1736
01:11:06,959 --> 01:11:08,760
(MOANING)
(BRAD MOANING)
1737
01:11:08,861 --> 01:11:11,230
Careful. My kitty is gangster.
(SLAP)
1738
01:11:11,330 --> 01:11:13,165
Oh! (CHUCKLING) Oh...
1739
01:11:13,265 --> 01:11:15,167
It is gangster. Okay.
1740
01:11:15,267 --> 01:11:18,237
Slapped you so hard,
you want some more. Yeah!
1741
01:11:18,337 --> 01:11:20,005
(GASPING)
1742
01:11:20,106 --> 01:11:22,041
(ELLE MOANS)
(GRUNTS, GABBLES)
1743
01:11:22,141 --> 01:11:23,242
Oh!
1744
01:11:23,342 --> 01:11:26,345
You feel so much better
than Darrel and them.
1745
01:11:26,445 --> 01:11:27,480
Choo-choo!
(GRUNTING)
1746
01:11:27,580 --> 01:11:28,613
Get back in there!
1747
01:11:28,713 --> 01:11:29,915
Yeah! Lick it!
(SLURPING)
1748
01:11:30,015 --> 01:11:32,451
(ROARING) Yeah! Lick it hard!
1749
01:11:32,551 --> 01:11:33,519
(GRUNTS)
1750
01:11:33,618 --> 01:11:35,054
(DEEP VOICE) Finish her.
1751
01:11:35,154 --> 01:11:36,555
(MOANING)
1752
01:11:36,654 --> 01:11:39,959
Oh, my God!
(SLURPING, GABBLING)
1753
01:11:40,059 --> 01:11:42,194
(BOTH PANTING)
1754
01:11:42,294 --> 01:11:43,963
Just like rolling a blunt.
1755
01:11:44,063 --> 01:11:44,796
(ELLE MOANS)
1756
01:11:44,897 --> 01:11:47,099
Now all I got to do is hit it.
1757
01:11:48,234 --> 01:11:49,401
(SIZZLES)
(SCREAMS)
1758
01:11:49,502 --> 01:11:51,237
Oh-- Oof!
1759
01:11:51,337 --> 01:11:52,704
Elle!
(KNOCKING)
1760
01:11:54,672 --> 01:11:55,908
What the fuck?
1761
01:11:56,008 --> 01:11:58,643
Hey there. We heard tell
of a Halloween party.
1762
01:11:58,743 --> 01:12:00,613
You did now, did you?
1763
01:12:00,712 --> 01:12:01,847
We're here to drink,
1764
01:12:01,947 --> 01:12:04,383
play bad music,
do some half gay shit.
1765
01:12:05,217 --> 01:12:06,418
Why just half gay?
1766
01:12:07,219 --> 01:12:08,154
Can I help you?
1767
01:12:08,254 --> 01:12:10,389
If you just invite us in.
1768
01:12:10,489 --> 01:12:11,857
Why you need a invitation?
1769
01:12:11,957 --> 01:12:13,626
White folks show up
to parties uninvited
1770
01:12:13,725 --> 01:12:16,028
all the time with their little
nasty-ass casseroles.
1771
01:12:16,128 --> 01:12:18,330
Bland as shit. Y'all better
start using some Lawry's.
1772
01:12:18,430 --> 01:12:20,866
Mm-hmm. And why she got
them dirty-ass feet?
1773
01:12:20,966 --> 01:12:23,768
Look like you
was walking around
porn sets all day.
1774
01:12:23,869 --> 01:12:25,204
Got them trailer park toes.
1775
01:12:25,304 --> 01:12:26,804
(GIGGLES) Shit, son!
1776
01:12:26,906 --> 01:12:29,774
I think you're in
the wrong place. Y'all Klan?
1777
01:12:30,609 --> 01:12:31,709
No. (CHUCKLES)
1778
01:12:31,809 --> 01:12:34,580
We believe in music
and equality.
1779
01:12:34,679 --> 01:12:35,881
How about we show y'all?
1780
01:12:35,981 --> 01:12:37,950
It's okay, no.
(GENTLE COUNTRY MUSIC)
1781
01:12:38,050 --> 01:12:40,286
♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
1782
01:12:40,386 --> 01:12:44,056
♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
1783
01:12:44,156 --> 01:12:46,492
♪ To a deluxe apartment ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
1784
01:12:46,592 --> 01:12:48,661
♪ In the sky ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
1785
01:12:48,760 --> 01:12:50,429
♪ We're movin' on up ♪
1786
01:12:50,529 --> 01:12:52,231
They gentrified the Jeffersons?
1787
01:12:52,331 --> 01:12:54,333
Weezy's rolling around
in her grave right now.
1788
01:12:54,433 --> 01:12:57,269
You can't do this
to the Black National Anthem.
1789
01:12:57,369 --> 01:13:01,874
♪ We finally got
A piece of the pie! ♪
1790
01:13:03,342 --> 01:13:04,709
(SIGHS)
(PANTS)
1791
01:13:04,809 --> 01:13:06,579
BOTH: Boo!
(YELPING)
1792
01:13:06,679 --> 01:13:08,113
Nigga, you suck!
Boo your ass!
1793
01:13:08,214 --> 01:13:10,449
We worked hard on this!
Take that bullshit
out of here!
1794
01:13:10,549 --> 01:13:11,816
We ain't got time
for that dumb shit!
1795
01:13:11,917 --> 01:13:14,220
Come on. Let us in.
1796
01:13:15,221 --> 01:13:16,222
(SCREAMING)
1797
01:13:16,322 --> 01:13:18,224
Oh, my God! They're vampires!
Oh, my God!
1798
01:13:18,324 --> 01:13:20,059
Here, take her.
No, wait, wait. No, Ray!
1799
01:13:20,159 --> 01:13:22,194
No, baby, you got this.
We're not vampires.
1800
01:13:22,294 --> 01:13:25,164
(GASPING)
Just hard to sing
with these in.
1801
01:13:25,264 --> 01:13:28,367
Oh, girl, you know I got you.
I ain't gonna let nothing
happen to you.
1802
01:13:28,467 --> 01:13:29,868
Nigga.
1803
01:13:29,969 --> 01:13:32,104
Look, why won't ya just go
to one of those frat parties
1804
01:13:32,204 --> 01:13:33,906
where they drink until
they black out
1805
01:13:34,006 --> 01:13:35,374
and wake up
with their booties hurting,
1806
01:13:35,474 --> 01:13:37,742
not knowing what someone
in a cowboy hat did to them?
1807
01:13:37,843 --> 01:13:39,278
Yeah! What?
1808
01:13:39,378 --> 01:13:40,512
JACK: Okay.
1809
01:13:40,613 --> 01:13:42,448
Well, we will leave
you guys alone.
1810
01:13:42,548 --> 01:13:43,748
But we're gonna walk real slow
1811
01:13:43,849 --> 01:13:46,385
just in case
y'all change your minds.
1812
01:13:46,485 --> 01:13:47,386
(CLEARS THROAT, SNIFFS)
1813
01:13:48,587 --> 01:13:50,389
Change your minds yet?
BOTH: No.
1814
01:13:50,489 --> 01:13:51,457
Not at all.
Hell no.
1815
01:13:51,557 --> 01:13:52,757
How about now?
1816
01:13:52,858 --> 01:13:54,360
Fuck no!
No!
1817
01:13:54,460 --> 01:13:55,760
Yes?
Hell to the nah.
1818
01:13:55,861 --> 01:13:57,029
Definitely not!
Keep walking!
1819
01:13:57,129 --> 01:13:58,497
RAY: Now git!
SARA: Let's go.
1820
01:13:58,597 --> 01:13:59,732
TUESDAY: Sara, come on!
White folks
1821
01:13:59,832 --> 01:14:01,934
is getting weird again.
(BRENDA GROANS)
1822
01:14:04,069 --> 01:14:06,538
Guys, I think I saw
an open window over here.
1823
01:14:06,639 --> 01:14:07,772
That window's closed.
1824
01:14:07,873 --> 01:14:09,575
Not for long.
1825
01:14:09,675 --> 01:14:13,612
(VOCALIZES "DEFYING GRAVITY"
FROM "WICKED")
1826
01:14:13,712 --> 01:14:15,614
(GLASS SHATTERS)
1827
01:14:15,714 --> 01:14:16,781
Wicked.
1828
01:14:16,882 --> 01:14:18,150
Oh, God. Fucking idiots.
1829
01:14:18,250 --> 01:14:19,652
("BAD TO THE BONE"
BY RUBY X PAPATINHO PLAYS)
1830
01:14:19,752 --> 01:14:21,720
♪ Bad, bad, bad to the bone ♪
1831
01:14:21,819 --> 01:14:23,689
♪ We can play
But you can't take me home ♪
1832
01:14:23,788 --> 01:14:25,090
♪ Bad, bad shows off the... ♪
1833
01:14:25,190 --> 01:14:29,428
Hey! Tuesday! You came back!
1834
01:14:29,528 --> 01:14:31,330
Yeah, I left my inhaler.
1835
01:14:31,430 --> 01:14:34,466
Honestly, Tuesday,
that inhaler is the worst
plot device in movie history.
1836
01:14:34,566 --> 01:14:36,068
That's true,
should've been a vape.
1837
01:14:36,168 --> 01:14:38,771
But we're here now,
so let's make the most of it.
1838
01:14:38,871 --> 01:14:41,006
Now where them White Claws at?
1839
01:14:41,106 --> 01:14:43,142
(SHRIEKS, WHOOPS)
(PHONE RINGING)
1840
01:14:45,911 --> 01:14:47,546
CINDY: Sara?
Hello.
1841
01:14:47,646 --> 01:14:51,150
Get your sister and get out
of there right now. Okay, hon?
1842
01:14:51,250 --> 01:14:54,053
I am a grown-ass woman, Mother.
1843
01:14:54,153 --> 01:14:56,021
I don't have to do
anything you tell me to do.
1844
01:14:56,121 --> 01:14:57,990
That's the house where
your psycho father
1845
01:14:58,090 --> 01:14:59,258
killed those people.
1846
01:14:59,358 --> 01:15:00,793
Someone wanted
to get you there.
1847
01:15:00,893 --> 01:15:02,861
Which means...
1848
01:15:02,961 --> 01:15:05,564
someone wants to get me there.
1849
01:15:05,664 --> 01:15:07,333
Oh, my God,
this isn't about you!
1850
01:15:07,433 --> 01:15:08,667
Why are you yelling?
1851
01:15:08,767 --> 01:15:11,737
Because the camera's
so fucking far away!
1852
01:15:11,837 --> 01:15:14,673
Wait, hold on.
Are you tracking my phone?
1853
01:15:14,773 --> 01:15:15,874
(IMITATES STATIC)
You're breaking up.
1854
01:15:15,974 --> 01:15:17,276
Uh-- Yeah.
(IMITATES STATIC)
1855
01:15:20,012 --> 01:15:21,380
(ENGINE REVS)
1856
01:15:22,281 --> 01:15:24,917
(ENGINE REVS)
Happy Birthday!
1857
01:15:25,017 --> 01:15:28,487
(TIRES SQUEAL, ENGINE ROARS)
Hey, that's my car!
1858
01:15:31,690 --> 01:15:33,292
What the fuck?
1859
01:15:33,392 --> 01:15:34,927
Elle!
1860
01:15:35,627 --> 01:15:36,862
I'm sorry!
1861
01:15:36,962 --> 01:15:39,465
I thought
I was supposed to smoke it.
1862
01:15:40,232 --> 01:15:41,367
Oh, shit.
1863
01:15:41,467 --> 01:15:43,635
(WHIP CRACKS)
(GRUNTS)
1864
01:15:45,137 --> 01:15:47,206
Seriously? With the
12 Years a Slave shit?
1865
01:15:47,306 --> 01:15:50,476
GHOSTFACE: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I didn't see that movie, okay?
1866
01:15:50,576 --> 01:15:53,445
I just found this thing
in the shed. Jesus.
1867
01:15:59,718 --> 01:16:01,353
Come on, bro!
1868
01:16:01,453 --> 01:16:02,621
That's even worse.
1869
01:16:03,622 --> 01:16:06,024
GHOSTFACE: (GROANS)
I didn't mean it that way.
1870
01:16:06,125 --> 01:16:08,327
Some of my best victims
are Black.
1871
01:16:10,629 --> 01:16:15,167
(SCOFFS) And another brother
falls victim to gun violence.
1872
01:16:15,267 --> 01:16:17,503
Turns out
race is still an issue.
1873
01:16:17,603 --> 01:16:19,138
GHOSTFACE: That's not fair!
1874
01:16:19,238 --> 01:16:21,607
You know, Black guys usually
die first in horror movies.
1875
01:16:21,707 --> 01:16:24,610
(CAMERA CLICKS, WHIRS)
1876
01:16:24,710 --> 01:16:26,111
SHORTY:
Damn!
1877
01:16:26,211 --> 01:16:28,848
This give whole new meaning
to Dead By Daylight.
1878
01:16:28,947 --> 01:16:30,884
(GIGGLES) Yeah.
1879
01:16:30,983 --> 01:16:33,786
Oh. Get them, son. (GRUNTS)
1880
01:16:33,887 --> 01:16:36,355
Goofy ass out of here.
1881
01:16:36,455 --> 01:16:37,589
(GRUNTS)
1882
01:16:37,689 --> 01:16:38,892
(GIGGLES)
1883
01:16:38,991 --> 01:16:40,692
GHOSTFACE: Hello, Shorty.
1884
01:16:40,793 --> 01:16:42,961
Cuckoo! Get him, niggas!
1885
01:16:43,061 --> 01:16:44,396
(AIRHORN)
(CACKLES)
1886
01:16:44,496 --> 01:16:48,767
Got your silly ass!
You about to be high as fuck.
1887
01:16:48,868 --> 01:16:51,069
♪ Party ♪
♪ Aw, yeah, aw, yeah ♪
1888
01:16:51,170 --> 01:16:52,271
♪ Ain't nobody standing... ♪
1889
01:16:52,371 --> 01:16:53,038
(COUGHS) Nigga!
1890
01:16:53,138 --> 01:16:56,608
(ECHOING) Ah, shit, son!
1891
01:16:57,776 --> 01:16:59,913
Bro, why you running
backwards, son?
1892
01:17:00,012 --> 01:17:01,680
GHOSTFACE: I don't know.
It's not me.
1893
01:17:01,780 --> 01:17:02,882
Something's wrong with this.
1894
01:17:02,981 --> 01:17:04,383
Nigga,
your remote is upside-down!
1895
01:17:04,483 --> 01:17:06,853
You're fucking high, son.
(GIGGLES)
1896
01:17:06,985 --> 01:17:08,487
GHOSTFACE: Game on, bitches!
SHORTY: Yeah.
1897
01:17:08,587 --> 01:17:09,721
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1898
01:17:10,389 --> 01:17:11,925
(SCREAMS)
1899
01:17:12,024 --> 01:17:13,158
(YELPS)
1900
01:17:13,792 --> 01:17:15,093
Oh!
Wrong nigga.
1901
01:17:15,194 --> 01:17:16,829
(SARA WHIMPERING)
GHOSTFACE: Black Lives Matter!
1902
01:17:16,930 --> 01:17:18,430
Not you, Shorty!
1903
01:17:18,530 --> 01:17:19,631
Oh, my-- I need you.
1904
01:17:19,731 --> 01:17:21,333
Whoa, what is going on?
Oh, Jack!
1905
01:17:21,433 --> 01:17:24,102
Oh, thank God you're here!
Where were you?
1906
01:17:24,203 --> 01:17:25,537
Ghostface was just here!
1907
01:17:25,637 --> 01:17:28,207
I was just outside
getting some fresh air.
1908
01:17:28,307 --> 01:17:29,308
Stop!
1909
01:17:30,075 --> 01:17:32,544
One of you is the killer.
1910
01:17:33,011 --> 01:17:34,213
Elle...
1911
01:17:35,047 --> 01:17:36,682
why do you have blood
on your hands?
1912
01:17:38,016 --> 01:17:40,352
(STAMMERS)
I found Brad outside.
1913
01:17:40,452 --> 01:17:41,987
She's the killer!
1914
01:17:42,087 --> 01:17:44,156
I am not the killer, okay?
1915
01:17:44,256 --> 01:17:47,326
I'm not even sex positive.
I'm a virgin.
1916
01:17:47,426 --> 01:17:48,527
(SCOFFS) No way.
1917
01:17:48,627 --> 01:17:50,329
You've banged, like,
every dude in Woodsville.
1918
01:17:50,429 --> 01:17:52,030
Fuck you!
1919
01:17:52,130 --> 01:17:53,765
Whoa! (PANTS)
(SCREAMS, GASPS)
1920
01:17:53,867 --> 01:17:56,668
The butt doesn't count.
1921
01:17:56,768 --> 01:17:58,570
Oh!
(SCREAMING)
1922
01:17:58,670 --> 01:17:59,671
Shit, she shot Ashton!
1923
01:17:59,771 --> 01:18:03,442
Welcome to Act Three, bitches.
1924
01:18:04,676 --> 01:18:05,744
What?
1925
01:18:06,846 --> 01:18:08,514
What does that even mean?
1926
01:18:09,281 --> 01:18:11,550
It's when the shit goes down.
1927
01:18:11,650 --> 01:18:12,852
Oh.
1928
01:18:12,952 --> 01:18:14,119
I still don't really know
what she means,
1929
01:18:14,219 --> 01:18:16,522
but I think we should run!
Run!
1930
01:18:16,622 --> 01:18:18,557
(PARTYGOERS SCREAMING)
1931
01:18:29,836 --> 01:18:31,069
(GIRL SCREAMS)
1932
01:18:32,371 --> 01:18:33,138
Cindy!
1933
01:18:33,238 --> 01:18:34,908
(TEENS SCREAMING)
Brenda.
1934
01:18:35,008 --> 01:18:36,775
Cindy, they in there shooting!
1935
01:18:36,876 --> 01:18:38,277
These kids are wild!
(GUNSHOTS)
1936
01:18:38,377 --> 01:18:40,112
(ALL SCREAMING)
I blame it on video games,
1937
01:18:40,212 --> 01:18:42,814
not the liquor
or lack of
parental supervision.
1938
01:18:42,916 --> 01:18:44,082
You're gonna need this.
Oh.
1939
01:18:44,182 --> 01:18:46,485
Do you have one bigger
in black?
1940
01:18:46,585 --> 01:18:48,353
Oh, wrong bag.
1941
01:18:49,154 --> 01:18:50,023
Here.
Ooh.
1942
01:18:50,122 --> 01:18:51,690
Who are you, Joan Wick?
1943
01:18:51,790 --> 01:18:54,660
I would've said Ballerina,
but nobody saw that shit.
1944
01:18:55,627 --> 01:18:56,595
Let's do this.
1945
01:18:56,695 --> 01:18:57,931
(SIGHING) Okay.
1946
01:18:58,031 --> 01:18:59,798
(ELLE WAILS)
1947
01:19:00,867 --> 01:19:02,969
Help! He stabbed me!
1948
01:19:03,068 --> 01:19:05,872
I'm definitely not faking it.
Please, help!
1949
01:19:05,972 --> 01:19:07,272
What do you think?
1950
01:19:07,974 --> 01:19:09,341
I think Drake lost to Kendrick.
1951
01:19:09,441 --> 01:19:12,678
I still like Drake, but
what was up with that lawsuit?
1952
01:19:12,778 --> 01:19:14,580
That's such a bitch-ass move.
1953
01:19:14,680 --> 01:19:16,916
About this situation.
1954
01:19:17,016 --> 01:19:18,550
Oh, that?
That's definitely a trap.
1955
01:19:18,650 --> 01:19:20,719
She don't know
we already been here,
done that.
1956
01:19:20,819 --> 01:19:21,921
(SQUELCH)
(GASPS)
1957
01:19:22,021 --> 01:19:23,923
Brenda!
(MOANS)
1958
01:19:24,023 --> 01:19:25,090
Brenda!
(GASPS)
1959
01:19:25,190 --> 01:19:27,759
Cindy! It hurts!
(GUNSHOTS)
1960
01:19:28,560 --> 01:19:31,064
Am I gonna make it?
I doubt it.
1961
01:19:31,163 --> 01:19:33,967
Oh, God, Cindy. Oh, God.
1962
01:19:34,067 --> 01:19:36,069
Bitch, I'm not dead yet!
1963
01:19:36,168 --> 01:19:38,303
Oh. My bad. I'm sorry.
1964
01:19:38,403 --> 01:19:42,507
Now you go back in there
and finish it.
1965
01:19:42,608 --> 01:19:43,475
For me, Cindy.
1966
01:19:43,575 --> 01:19:46,079
I would do anything for you,
Brenda.
1967
01:19:46,178 --> 01:19:47,546
(SIGHS)
(WHIMPERS)
1968
01:19:50,549 --> 01:19:53,318
(GIGGLES)
Oh, yes! She bought it.
1969
01:19:53,418 --> 01:19:56,188
That old ketchup trick,
it don't fail.
1970
01:19:56,288 --> 01:19:57,556
That bitch is crazy
if she thought
1971
01:19:57,656 --> 01:20:00,093
I was taking my Black ass
back in there.
1972
01:20:00,192 --> 01:20:01,293
(GRUNTS)
1973
01:20:03,829 --> 01:20:05,031
Attention all killers!
1974
01:20:05,130 --> 01:20:09,534
You have five seconds
to show yourselves.
1975
01:20:21,813 --> 01:20:22,714
(MAN YELPS)
Shorty!
1976
01:20:22,814 --> 01:20:24,182
Bitch!
1977
01:20:24,282 --> 01:20:26,085
You shot my favorite bong.
1978
01:20:26,184 --> 01:20:28,720
Go find your own damn closet!
1979
01:20:28,820 --> 01:20:30,222
Sorry.
1980
01:20:42,434 --> 01:20:47,806
(SIGHS)
Wow, this is so nice.
1981
01:20:47,907 --> 01:20:50,308
Brenda's been ballin'.
1982
01:20:53,545 --> 01:20:54,579
What the--
1983
01:20:58,750 --> 01:20:59,685
Red light!
1984
01:21:00,887 --> 01:21:03,622
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!
1985
01:21:04,891 --> 01:21:07,459
Oh. Okay, so we're
playing the hood version.
1986
01:21:08,895 --> 01:21:11,263
Red light, green light,
one, two, three!
1987
01:21:13,265 --> 01:21:14,967
Ha! You moved!
1988
01:21:15,068 --> 01:21:17,703
No, I didn't.
(GUNSHOT)
1989
01:21:17,803 --> 01:21:19,538
(GASPS)
1990
01:21:21,640 --> 01:21:24,676
ANNOUNCER:
Ghostface 249, eliminated.
1991
01:21:25,577 --> 01:21:27,612
(PANTING)
1992
01:21:29,314 --> 01:21:34,020
Ooh. You got some
hot breath, sir.
1993
01:21:34,120 --> 01:21:36,621
(GASPS, GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
1994
01:21:43,996 --> 01:21:47,666
Someone's cleaning
those handprints off
the mirror, and it isn't me.
1995
01:21:47,766 --> 01:21:52,671
I'll do it.
Don't leave any streaks.
1996
01:21:55,607 --> 01:21:58,543
(GASPING)
1997
01:21:58,643 --> 01:21:59,946
(SCREAMING)
1998
01:22:00,046 --> 01:22:01,379
No!
1999
01:22:04,050 --> 01:22:07,319
(SCREAMING)
2000
01:22:14,894 --> 01:22:17,864
I knew swallowing the clip
would eventually come in handy.
2001
01:22:17,964 --> 01:22:20,398
Who's smiling now, bitch?
2002
01:22:28,841 --> 01:22:31,177
(PHONE RINGING)
2003
01:22:31,276 --> 01:22:33,445
GHOSTFACE: Hello, Cindy.
2004
01:22:34,080 --> 01:22:35,148
Hello.
2005
01:22:35,248 --> 01:22:36,481
GHOSTFACE:
Looks like you forgot
2006
01:22:36,581 --> 01:22:39,284
the first rule
of surviving a horror movie.
2007
01:22:39,384 --> 01:22:42,955
Never answer the phone!
2008
01:22:43,055 --> 01:22:46,691
I thought the first rule was
never trust the love interest.
2009
01:22:47,960 --> 01:22:49,262
GHOSTFACE: Oh, really?
2010
01:22:49,361 --> 01:22:51,596
Well, I'm changing the rules.
How about that?
2011
01:22:52,265 --> 01:22:55,400
New rule: Go fuck yourself.
2012
01:22:55,500 --> 01:22:56,468
GHOSTFACE: Wait, wait!
2013
01:22:56,568 --> 01:22:57,870
(HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM)
2014
01:22:57,970 --> 01:23:00,806
(PAINED WHINE) Why do you
hate closets so much?
2015
01:23:00,907 --> 01:23:02,275
I told you to come out.
2016
01:23:02,374 --> 01:23:04,342
Yeah, well,
I didn't want to get shot!
2017
01:23:04,442 --> 01:23:06,745
Ironic, isn't it?
2018
01:23:06,846 --> 01:23:09,081
GHOSTFACE:
You missed me, bitch. (GRUNTS)
2019
01:23:09,182 --> 01:23:11,017
Oh, God, it's Ghostface!
2020
01:23:11,117 --> 01:23:12,151
Didn't sound believable.
2021
01:23:12,251 --> 01:23:13,785
(GRUNTS)
2022
01:23:13,886 --> 01:23:15,221
GHOSTFACE:
You think you're John Wick,
2023
01:23:15,320 --> 01:23:16,755
acting like I killed your dog?
2024
01:23:16,856 --> 01:23:19,391
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2025
01:23:20,559 --> 01:23:21,928
(GHOSTFACE GRUNTS)
2026
01:23:22,028 --> 01:23:23,662
The dog is just a metaphor.
2027
01:23:23,762 --> 01:23:25,597
It was about losing his wife!
2028
01:23:25,697 --> 01:23:27,867
GHOSTFACE: You sure it's not
an allegory? (GROANS)
2029
01:23:38,878 --> 01:23:40,179
Let us begin.
2030
01:23:40,279 --> 01:23:42,347
(YELLS)
(GRUNTING)
2031
01:23:44,250 --> 01:23:45,184
(YELLS)
(GRUNTS)
2032
01:23:45,284 --> 01:23:47,819
(CINDY YELLS, GRUNTS)
2033
01:23:49,288 --> 01:23:50,890
(CASING CLINKS)
Oh.
2034
01:23:51,389 --> 01:23:53,658
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2035
01:23:57,997 --> 01:23:59,131
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2036
01:24:01,267 --> 01:24:03,635
Oh, that stunt girl is good.
2037
01:24:06,471 --> 01:24:08,406
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2038
01:24:09,741 --> 01:24:11,844
(GHOSTFACE GRUNTS)
(CLICKING)
2039
01:24:16,282 --> 01:24:18,550
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2040
01:24:20,319 --> 01:24:21,187
Whoa.
2041
01:24:21,287 --> 01:24:23,421
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2042
01:24:24,489 --> 01:24:25,657
(CINDY GRUNTING)
2043
01:24:25,757 --> 01:24:27,960
GHOSTFACE: Oh, oh-- (GRUNTS)
2044
01:24:28,995 --> 01:24:30,029
(GRUNTS)
2045
01:24:30,129 --> 01:24:32,164
(GASPING, SHUDDERING)
2046
01:24:32,265 --> 01:24:34,000
(GRUNTS, SIGHS)
(POP)
2047
01:24:35,201 --> 01:24:36,168
(CINDY GRUNTS)
2048
01:24:36,269 --> 01:24:38,371
(BOTH GRUNTING)
2049
01:24:38,470 --> 01:24:39,404
(CINDY YELLS)
2050
01:24:39,504 --> 01:24:40,705
(GHOSTFACE GRUNTS)
2051
01:24:41,406 --> 01:24:43,376
(GHOSTFACE CHOKING)
2052
01:24:43,475 --> 01:24:44,944
Eat a dick.
2053
01:24:46,012 --> 01:24:47,412
(SIGHS)
2054
01:24:47,512 --> 01:24:49,148
(SIGHS)
(GHOSTFACE GRUNTS)
2055
01:24:49,248 --> 01:24:51,217
(GHOSTFACE GROANING)
2056
01:24:51,317 --> 01:24:53,052
(PANTING)
2057
01:24:53,152 --> 01:24:55,254
(SARA GASPS, PANTS)
2058
01:24:55,354 --> 01:24:57,422
Shoot him, Sara. End this.
2059
01:24:57,522 --> 01:24:59,191
Don't tell me what to do!
2060
01:24:59,292 --> 01:25:00,759
This isn't the best time
2061
01:25:00,860 --> 01:25:02,995
to resolve our
mommy-daughter issues,
2062
01:25:03,095 --> 01:25:07,632
but, Sara, I am so sorry.
I have been a terrible mother.
2063
01:25:07,732 --> 01:25:10,236
I don't even know
your sister Wednesday--
2064
01:25:10,336 --> 01:25:11,536
Oh, Tuesday.
2065
01:25:11,636 --> 01:25:14,706
Have to clarify that
for legal reasons.
2066
01:25:14,806 --> 01:25:16,208
But I've prepared you for this.
2067
01:25:17,009 --> 01:25:18,344
So go on, baby.
2068
01:25:18,443 --> 01:25:20,179
You kill him.
(EXHALES)
2069
01:25:20,279 --> 01:25:21,546
JACK: Sara?
Jack!
2070
01:25:21,646 --> 01:25:23,115
Sara!
SARA: Jack!
2071
01:25:23,215 --> 01:25:24,549
JACK: Sara!
SARA: Oh, Jack!
2072
01:25:24,649 --> 01:25:25,851
JACK: Sara!
Jack!
2073
01:25:25,952 --> 01:25:26,852
Sara!
SARA: Jack!
2074
01:25:26,953 --> 01:25:27,752
Sara!
SARA: Jack!
2075
01:25:27,853 --> 01:25:28,753
JACK: Thank God you're okay.
2076
01:25:28,854 --> 01:25:30,056
Because I really wanted to be
2077
01:25:30,156 --> 01:25:31,123
the one to kill you!
(SCREAMS)
2078
01:25:31,223 --> 01:25:32,858
(GASPS)
Ooh, take it, baby.
2079
01:25:32,959 --> 01:25:33,893
(SARA GROANING)
2080
01:25:33,993 --> 01:25:36,896
(GASPS) See,
I told you it was about me.
2081
01:25:36,996 --> 01:25:38,797
ELLE: No, Sara.
2082
01:25:40,132 --> 01:25:42,068
You were just the bait.
2083
01:25:42,168 --> 01:25:43,735
It's about her.
2084
01:25:44,270 --> 01:25:45,271
Fuck!
CINDY: Aw.
2085
01:25:45,371 --> 01:25:47,406
Sorry, honey.
I hate being right.
2086
01:25:47,505 --> 01:25:49,342
JACK: You should've
listened to Doofy.
2087
01:25:49,442 --> 01:25:51,911
(WHISPERING)
The love interest.
2088
01:25:52,011 --> 01:25:54,447
It just seemed too obvious,
you know?
2089
01:25:54,546 --> 01:25:57,216
Which makes you think
it is not obvious.
2090
01:25:57,316 --> 01:25:58,150
Same page, honeybunch.
2091
01:25:58,250 --> 01:25:59,251
Right.
(MOCKING)
2092
01:25:59,352 --> 01:26:01,120
Yeah, well, that's the twist!
2093
01:26:01,220 --> 01:26:02,487
Now get in the kitchen. Go!
2094
01:26:02,587 --> 01:26:04,090
Hey! (GRUNTS)
Move!
2095
01:26:04,190 --> 01:26:06,459
Okay, listen up!
(SARA GASPS)
2096
01:26:06,558 --> 01:26:09,895
See, there hasn't been
a great Horror Movie
2097
01:26:09,996 --> 01:26:11,397
since the first one.
2098
01:26:11,496 --> 01:26:15,101
We're gonna save the franchise.
Go get our special guest star.
2099
01:26:15,201 --> 01:26:16,601
(GIGGLES SOFTLY)
2100
01:26:17,203 --> 01:26:19,604
Hollywood is out of ideas!
2101
01:26:19,704 --> 01:26:22,174
Why else would there be
a Scary Movie 6?
2102
01:26:22,274 --> 01:26:24,844
But it wouldn't work with just
the new characters, would it?
2103
01:26:24,944 --> 01:26:27,545
We need the legacy characters.
Oh--
2104
01:26:27,645 --> 01:26:29,348
And there wouldn't be a Cindy
2105
01:26:29,448 --> 01:26:32,918
without her
sassy Black sidekick, Brenda.
2106
01:26:33,019 --> 01:26:36,355
You ain't have to say "Black"
with no hard "b" like that.
2107
01:26:36,455 --> 01:26:39,025
Brenda! Didn't you get shot?
2108
01:26:39,859 --> 01:26:41,027
Did I?
2109
01:26:41,127 --> 01:26:45,064
Oh! Wait, I did!
Ooh, look, God done healed me!
2110
01:26:45,164 --> 01:26:46,664
Ooh, what He do?
2111
01:26:46,765 --> 01:26:47,933
Stop dancing!
All the time!
2112
01:26:48,034 --> 01:26:49,534
Stop dancing!
Everybody stop dancing!
2113
01:26:49,634 --> 01:26:50,668
All the time!
2114
01:26:50,769 --> 01:26:51,937
Oh! (GASP)
(KNIFE WITHDRAWS)
2115
01:26:52,038 --> 01:26:54,407
Oh.
Mom! No!
2116
01:26:54,507 --> 01:26:57,009
(PANTING) You called me "Mom".
2117
01:26:58,177 --> 01:26:59,611
You care about me.
2118
01:26:59,711 --> 01:27:02,114
Well, I wouldn't go that far,
but, I mean,
2119
01:27:02,214 --> 01:27:03,015
sure.
Go--
2120
01:27:03,115 --> 01:27:04,116
Go get Tuesday.
2121
01:27:04,216 --> 01:27:05,617
Okay, ladies,
2122
01:27:05,717 --> 01:27:07,853
(SING-SONGY)
time to stage the bodies.
2123
01:27:07,953 --> 01:27:10,423
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Oh!
2124
01:27:10,523 --> 01:27:12,391
(CINDY GASPS)
Please don't do this!
2125
01:27:12,491 --> 01:27:13,758
What? Who are you people?
2126
01:27:13,859 --> 01:27:14,994
GHOSTFACE:
We're the motherfuckers
2127
01:27:15,094 --> 01:27:17,629
that are taking over
this franchise.
2128
01:27:17,729 --> 01:27:18,964
Oh, yeah? You are?
2129
01:27:19,065 --> 01:27:20,933
Okay! Oh, my God.
2130
01:27:21,033 --> 01:27:23,568
That was not part of the plan.
(WOMEN GASPING)
2131
01:27:23,668 --> 01:27:25,737
(GROANING)
Oh, God. Shit.
2132
01:27:25,838 --> 01:27:28,107
Oh.
GHOSTFACE: Neither was this.
2133
01:27:28,207 --> 01:27:29,542
(WOMEN GASP)
2134
01:27:29,641 --> 01:27:31,444
(PLOP, BURBLE)
2135
01:27:31,544 --> 01:27:32,845
Wait, Ray got one of those!
2136
01:27:32,945 --> 01:27:35,314
Whoa! Hot damn!
(THUDS)
2137
01:27:35,414 --> 01:27:38,851
(LAUGHING)
Anthony Anderson!
2138
01:27:38,951 --> 01:27:40,019
Yeah.
2139
01:27:40,119 --> 01:27:42,855
And I brought my boy
Kevin Hart with me.
2140
01:27:42,955 --> 01:27:44,622
(GASPS)
2141
01:27:49,995 --> 01:27:51,363
What?
Shaq?
2142
01:27:51,464 --> 01:27:54,433
That's right. On my knees
I'm the same height as Kevin.
2143
01:27:54,533 --> 01:27:55,700
And Kevin said no.
2144
01:27:55,800 --> 01:27:57,103
ANTHONY:
Kevin Hart said no?
2145
01:27:57,203 --> 01:27:59,004
That little motherfucker
says yes to everything.
2146
01:27:59,105 --> 01:28:00,239
Yeah, he does.
2147
01:28:00,339 --> 01:28:01,773
But wait!
(METALLIC SCRAPE)
2148
01:28:01,874 --> 01:28:04,443
GHOSTFACE: There's more.
(MUFFLED GIGGLE)
2149
01:28:04,543 --> 01:28:06,545
Ta-dah...
2150
01:28:06,644 --> 01:28:07,913
bitches!
2151
01:28:08,013 --> 01:28:09,482
Ray? Shorty?
2152
01:28:09,582 --> 01:28:11,283
Yeah, that's right.
2153
01:28:11,383 --> 01:28:14,420
Four Black killers.
Yeah.
2154
01:28:14,520 --> 01:28:15,787
We're making history.
(LAUGHS)
2155
01:28:15,888 --> 01:28:19,091
This a new definition
of Black excellence.
2156
01:28:19,724 --> 01:28:21,293
But why would you do this?
2157
01:28:21,393 --> 01:28:22,827
Question is:
2158
01:28:22,928 --> 01:28:24,997
Why would you try to make
a sequel without us, huh?
2159
01:28:25,097 --> 01:28:26,165
Yeah!
2160
01:28:26,265 --> 01:28:28,234
When the studio wanted
to replace these brothers,
2161
01:28:28,334 --> 01:28:30,369
I was there.
2162
01:28:30,469 --> 01:28:32,104
That's facts.
What about me?
2163
01:28:32,204 --> 01:28:33,272
What about you?
2164
01:28:33,372 --> 01:28:34,507
CINDY: You were in one scene
2165
01:28:34,607 --> 01:28:36,308
in Part 4.
Oh!
2166
01:28:36,408 --> 01:28:37,376
Yes, but I made
that motherfucker
2167
01:28:37,476 --> 01:28:38,844
Dr. Phil cut his foot off.
2168
01:28:38,944 --> 01:28:40,712
And he crazy now.
SHORTY: Yeah, he got weird.
2169
01:28:40,812 --> 01:28:41,847
Mm.
But you--
2170
01:28:41,947 --> 01:28:43,282
Y-You see
what they trying to do?
2171
01:28:43,382 --> 01:28:45,251
They trying to pit us all up
against each other.
2172
01:28:45,351 --> 01:28:48,020
They trying to start Black
on-- on very Black crime.
2173
01:28:48,120 --> 01:28:49,488
ANTHONY: Oh.
That's right!
2174
01:28:49,588 --> 01:28:52,057
Yo, Shaq.
Hey. I'm proud of you, bro.
2175
01:28:52,158 --> 01:28:54,759
You've had an amazing career
as a sports commentator
2176
01:28:54,860 --> 01:28:56,661
since retiring
from basketball.
Mm-hmm.
2177
01:28:56,761 --> 01:29:00,199
And I love The Big Podcast.
Nigga, I love that shit!
2178
01:29:00,299 --> 01:29:02,535
Even though I don't understand
a word you be saying.
2179
01:29:02,635 --> 01:29:03,701
You be on that show
talkin' 'bout--
2180
01:29:03,801 --> 01:29:06,071
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH
AS SHAQ)
2181
01:29:06,172 --> 01:29:07,373
(RAY CHUCKLES)
2182
01:29:07,473 --> 01:29:08,274
"Kobe."
2183
01:29:08,374 --> 01:29:09,608
Enough.
2184
01:29:09,707 --> 01:29:13,312
But my point is, nigga,
I love your shit.
2185
01:29:14,046 --> 01:29:16,415
But I never got over Kazaam.
2186
01:29:16,515 --> 01:29:17,749
Fuck all that shit!
(GASPING)
2187
01:29:17,850 --> 01:29:19,185
Kick his ass!
2188
01:29:19,285 --> 01:29:21,887
Get your big ass over here!
I hated that movie, too!
2189
01:29:21,987 --> 01:29:23,455
Why did you leave the Lakers?
(RAPID STABBING)
2190
01:29:23,556 --> 01:29:26,358
You and Kobe
would've had nine rings!
2191
01:29:26,458 --> 01:29:27,960
That motherfucker traded me!
2192
01:29:28,060 --> 01:29:28,961
Sha-kweel!
2193
01:29:29,061 --> 01:29:31,864
How big is your foot?
(STABBING)
2194
01:29:31,964 --> 01:29:32,865
22.
2195
01:29:32,965 --> 01:29:35,568
Then how big is your dick?
(STABBING)
2196
01:29:35,668 --> 01:29:36,734
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ray!
(STABBING)
2197
01:29:36,835 --> 01:29:38,204
Pause.
SHORTY: What the fuck
2198
01:29:38,304 --> 01:29:40,039
you talking about?
I'm doing it for the culture.
2199
01:29:40,139 --> 01:29:41,473
What culture?
2200
01:29:41,574 --> 01:29:43,576
The Culture Club. Nigga!
ANTHONY: Bro.
2201
01:29:43,676 --> 01:29:44,742
Come on, Ray,
we killing people.
2202
01:29:44,843 --> 01:29:45,844
Stay focused.
All right, all right.
2203
01:29:45,945 --> 01:29:47,812
All right. We back.
(YELPS)
2204
01:29:47,913 --> 01:29:50,815
Hey, Ant, don't, don't you--
don't you worry. We family.
2205
01:29:50,916 --> 01:29:52,918
Ant, mad respect, y'all.
2206
01:29:53,018 --> 01:29:55,254
(WHIMPERS)
Hey, Black-ish nominated
2207
01:29:55,354 --> 01:29:56,322
for eight Emmys!
2208
01:29:56,422 --> 01:29:57,556
My nigga!
(WINCES)
2209
01:29:57,656 --> 01:29:58,790
(STAMMERS) Well, actually,
2210
01:29:58,891 --> 01:30:00,626
the show was only nominated
for five.
2211
01:30:00,725 --> 01:30:02,428
I was nominated for eight.
2212
01:30:02,528 --> 01:30:03,529
Ooh.
Wow.
2213
01:30:03,629 --> 01:30:04,563
Oh, thank you.
(WOMEN CLAPPING)
2214
01:30:04,663 --> 01:30:05,730
(GIGGLES)
A thespian!
2215
01:30:05,831 --> 01:30:08,500
Is that so? Eight nominations.
2216
01:30:08,601 --> 01:30:10,569
Crazy! (CHUCKLING)
Yeah, man.
2217
01:30:10,669 --> 01:30:12,471
(LAUGHTER DIES DOWN)
2218
01:30:12,571 --> 01:30:14,707
But you never won.
What?
2219
01:30:14,806 --> 01:30:16,342
(WINCES)
(GASPING)
2220
01:30:16,442 --> 01:30:17,643
Et tu, Brute?
2221
01:30:17,742 --> 01:30:19,578
Don't speak Spanish to me,
motherfucker.
2222
01:30:19,678 --> 01:30:22,481
This is for doing
Scary Movie 3 and 4!
2223
01:30:22,581 --> 01:30:24,883
I didn't know
they fired the family!
2224
01:30:24,984 --> 01:30:26,652
And this is for copying
2225
01:30:26,751 --> 01:30:29,655
our Good Times episode
on Black-ish!
2226
01:30:29,754 --> 01:30:32,391
But you guys were on The WB!
2227
01:30:32,491 --> 01:30:34,893
(WHIMPERS)
Nobody saw that shit!
2228
01:30:34,994 --> 01:30:37,263
(THUDS)
(BOTH PANTING)
2229
01:30:37,363 --> 01:30:38,464
That's kinda true.
2230
01:30:38,564 --> 01:30:40,566
What are you doing?
2231
01:30:40,666 --> 01:30:42,735
They didn't create
the franchise, you did.
2232
01:30:42,835 --> 01:30:44,703
Yeah.
No!
2233
01:30:44,802 --> 01:30:48,374
Creating franchises
doesn't make you a killer.
2234
01:30:48,474 --> 01:30:50,109
Stealing franchises does.
2235
01:30:50,209 --> 01:30:52,411
Scary Movie
was our franchise...
Motherfucker!
2236
01:30:52,511 --> 01:30:53,712
...and they stole it from us!
2237
01:30:53,811 --> 01:30:56,015
And they started
doing those bad parodies.
2238
01:30:56,115 --> 01:30:58,984
Epic Movie. What the fuck?
Disaster Movie.
2239
01:30:59,084 --> 01:31:00,586
Date Movie.
This is for Date Movie.
2240
01:31:00,686 --> 01:31:03,022
And then the one
with the little--
the dude with the hooves.
2241
01:31:03,122 --> 01:31:04,789
Nigga, that's Epic Movie.
He deserves twice--
2242
01:31:04,890 --> 01:31:06,458
Give him double stabs now.
Hate that Narnia shit.
2243
01:31:06,558 --> 01:31:08,527
He's already dead.
So much blood.
2244
01:31:08,627 --> 01:31:10,529
Friedberg and Seltzer,
nigga.
2245
01:31:12,031 --> 01:31:13,666
SHORTY: Ooh.
No, no, no.
2246
01:31:13,766 --> 01:31:15,534
And you, and you--
2247
01:31:15,634 --> 01:31:18,837
Y'all went and did
Scary Movie 3 and 4 without us!
2248
01:31:18,937 --> 01:31:21,373
Nigga, I'm sorry.
They offered me so much money!
2249
01:31:21,473 --> 01:31:25,411
I-I got a new house, a new car.
I got wigs that don't itch.
2250
01:31:25,511 --> 01:31:26,445
(SNIFFLES)
2251
01:31:26,545 --> 01:31:28,013
And what about you?
2252
01:31:28,847 --> 01:31:30,983
Well, I had a chance
to work with
2253
01:31:31,083 --> 01:31:33,585
the incomparable Charlie Sheen.
2254
01:31:35,120 --> 01:31:36,789
That's good. He's a legend.
2255
01:31:36,889 --> 01:31:39,058
And his dick game's crazy.
2256
01:31:39,158 --> 01:31:41,260
You know he slept with
47,000 women?
2257
01:31:41,360 --> 01:31:43,595
And a thousand of them women
were dudes.
2258
01:31:43,696 --> 01:31:45,431
(SCOFFS) Lucky guy.
2259
01:31:46,265 --> 01:31:48,767
Wait,
so y'all gonna kill us now?
2260
01:31:48,867 --> 01:31:50,436
(SHORTY WHIMPERS)
2261
01:31:50,536 --> 01:31:52,171
Nah. (CHUCKLES)
(EXHALES)
2262
01:31:52,271 --> 01:31:55,007
What would Halloween be
without Jamie Lee Curtis?
2263
01:31:55,107 --> 01:31:56,809
Or Scream be
without Neve Campbell?
2264
01:31:56,909 --> 01:31:58,277
(BRENDA GASPS)
That would be Scream VI.
2265
01:31:58,377 --> 01:32:01,146
How did you guys
pull all of this off?
2266
01:32:01,246 --> 01:32:02,348
Cindy!
2267
01:32:02,448 --> 01:32:05,517
You know how many Wayanses
there are?
2268
01:32:05,617 --> 01:32:07,353
Nigga, billions!
Billions!
2269
01:32:07,453 --> 01:32:11,123
I'm just so happy that
the old gang is back together.
2270
01:32:11,857 --> 01:32:13,625
Okay, in the middle, on three:
2271
01:32:13,726 --> 01:32:14,927
Core Four.
2272
01:32:15,027 --> 01:32:16,729
What?
Nah, nah. We-- That--
2273
01:32:16,829 --> 01:32:18,097
That-- That's corny shit.
That's wack.
2274
01:32:18,197 --> 01:32:19,698
Ooh, uh, w-what about--
2275
01:32:19,798 --> 01:32:22,468
What about,
The Young and The Restless?
2276
01:32:22,568 --> 01:32:24,269
Yeah, or The-- or The Old
2277
01:32:24,370 --> 01:32:25,738
and then The Beautiful.
(LAUGHS)
2278
01:32:25,839 --> 01:32:27,806
Or-- or The--
The Cute and The Crusty.
2279
01:32:27,906 --> 01:32:30,743
Yeah, or The Sexy
and then The Senile.
2280
01:32:30,844 --> 01:32:33,245
(BOTH LAUGHING)
2281
01:32:34,012 --> 01:32:36,815
(BOTH CRYING, WHIMPERING)
2282
01:32:36,915 --> 01:32:38,852
But we were brought in
to take over the franchise!
2283
01:32:38,951 --> 01:32:40,018
That's right. I mean,
2284
01:32:40,119 --> 01:32:42,421
you guys are, like,
70 years old!
2285
01:32:42,521 --> 01:32:44,256
Not in my mouth!
2286
01:32:44,356 --> 01:32:45,391
Aw, fuck!
2287
01:32:45,491 --> 01:32:46,458
(TUESDAY AND SARA SOBBING)
2288
01:32:46,558 --> 01:32:48,961
I just dragged that one
from the subway.
2289
01:32:49,061 --> 01:32:51,230
Oh, my back hurts. (GROANS)
(BONES POP)
2290
01:32:51,330 --> 01:32:54,199
Guys, guys!
They're already dead.
2291
01:32:54,299 --> 01:32:56,735
Nah! Little fuckers
always come back.
2292
01:32:56,836 --> 01:32:58,404
Oh, no. Not this time.
2293
01:32:58,504 --> 01:33:01,039
Exactly. Come on,
Ray, let's go.
Let's go.
2294
01:33:01,140 --> 01:33:02,708
Who got a match?
(GIRLS YELLING)
2295
01:33:02,808 --> 01:33:06,880
Got one, got one!
Next generation, my ass!
2296
01:33:06,979 --> 01:33:08,580
Yeah, whoo!
(WHOOPS)
2297
01:33:08,680 --> 01:33:10,749
(ALL SCREAMING)
2298
01:33:10,850 --> 01:33:12,751
(BOTH YELLING)
2299
01:33:12,852 --> 01:33:13,952
Sara, tell me what do to.
2300
01:33:14,052 --> 01:33:16,255
Blow, bitch, blow!
2301
01:33:21,026 --> 01:33:24,163
(LAUGHTER)
2302
01:33:24,263 --> 01:33:25,297
Yeah.
2303
01:33:27,232 --> 01:33:29,668
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Should we feel bad?
2304
01:33:29,768 --> 01:33:31,170
I mean, those are our kids.
2305
01:33:31,270 --> 01:33:32,971
Fuck those kids!
Yeah!
2306
01:33:33,071 --> 01:33:35,107
This is our franchise.
Yeah!
2307
01:33:35,207 --> 01:33:37,976
Besides, we can do all these
dramatic walkaways
2308
01:33:38,076 --> 01:33:39,511
with the fire in back of us.
2309
01:33:39,611 --> 01:33:41,146
But, damn, it's hot.
2310
01:33:41,246 --> 01:33:44,283
I don't know.
I kind of like it.
2311
01:33:44,383 --> 01:33:46,618
You do, Ray?
We should play firemen.
2312
01:33:46,718 --> 01:33:48,855
You wanna dress up
like a fireman?
2313
01:33:48,987 --> 01:33:50,756
No. I want you to dress up
like a fireman.
2314
01:33:50,857 --> 01:33:52,926
(BRENDA GIGGLES)
Y'all feel a draft?
2315
01:33:53,025 --> 01:33:55,093
("BIGGER THAN EVER (WE BACK)"
BY CHRIS PATRICK PLAYS)
♪ Bigger than ever ♪
2316
01:33:55,194 --> 01:33:56,094
♪ We back
Woo ♪
2317
01:33:56,195 --> 01:33:57,864
♪ Okay, okay ♪
2318
01:33:57,963 --> 01:33:59,431
♪ We back
We back ♪
2319
01:33:59,531 --> 01:34:00,766
♪ Okay, okay ♪
2320
01:34:00,867 --> 01:34:02,234
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2321
01:34:02,334 --> 01:34:04,002
♪ Wait on it
Put in pain for it ♪
2322
01:34:04,102 --> 01:34:05,771
♪ Every day
A day to train for it ♪
2323
01:34:05,872 --> 01:34:07,406
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2324
01:34:07,506 --> 01:34:09,174
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2325
01:34:11,043 --> 01:34:12,578
♪ Uh-huh ♪
2326
01:34:12,678 --> 01:34:14,079
♪ We back
We back ♪
2327
01:34:14,179 --> 01:34:15,915
♪ Back like respawn ♪
♪ Respawn ♪
2328
01:34:16,014 --> 01:34:17,449
♪ Back like
Reversin' out the whip ♪
2329
01:34:17,549 --> 01:34:19,284
♪ Forward drive ♪
♪ Drive ♪
2330
01:34:19,384 --> 01:34:20,854
♪ Back like I'm Marty ♪
♪ Marty ♪
2331
01:34:20,954 --> 01:34:22,087
♪ Back like McFly ♪
2332
01:34:22,187 --> 01:34:23,755
♪ Double back for dinero ♪
2333
01:34:23,857 --> 01:34:25,624
♪ 'Cause it's back
Like I slide ♪
2334
01:34:25,724 --> 01:34:27,059
♪ We outside ♪
2335
01:34:27,159 --> 01:34:29,495
♪ We ain't never really left ♪
2336
01:34:29,595 --> 01:34:30,729
♪ Write ambidextrous ♪
2337
01:34:30,829 --> 01:34:32,231
♪ Both hands need a check ♪
2338
01:34:32,331 --> 01:34:34,066
♪ Whole fam need respect ♪
2339
01:34:34,166 --> 01:34:36,134
♪ More bands, nothing less ♪
2340
01:34:36,235 --> 01:34:39,538
♪ Tax season 'cause I got
The plan to collect ♪
2341
01:34:40,974 --> 01:34:42,307
♪ Uh ♪
2342
01:34:42,407 --> 01:34:43,843
♪ Look at me now ♪
♪ Now ♪
2343
01:34:43,943 --> 01:34:45,477
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2344
01:34:45,577 --> 01:34:47,646
♪ My foot on the pedal
My eyes on the crown ♪
2345
01:34:47,746 --> 01:34:49,081
♪ Uh ♪
2346
01:34:49,181 --> 01:34:50,449
♪ Look at me now ♪
♪ Now ♪
2347
01:34:50,549 --> 01:34:52,084
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2348
01:34:52,184 --> 01:34:53,652
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2349
01:34:54,620 --> 01:34:56,355
♪ Okay, okay ♪
2350
01:34:56,455 --> 01:34:57,924
♪ We back ♪
2351
01:34:58,023 --> 01:34:59,758
♪ Okay, okay ♪
♪ Bigger than ever ♪
2352
01:34:59,859 --> 01:35:01,126
♪ We back ♪
2353
01:35:01,226 --> 01:35:02,628
♪ Wait on it
Put in pain for it ♪
2354
01:35:02,728 --> 01:35:04,162
♪ Every day
A day to train for it ♪
2355
01:35:04,263 --> 01:35:05,832
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2356
01:35:05,932 --> 01:35:07,566
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2357
01:35:08,634 --> 01:35:09,735
♪ Mm ♪
2358
01:35:09,836 --> 01:35:11,436
♪ Look at me now ♪
2359
01:35:11,537 --> 01:35:13,138
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2360
01:35:13,238 --> 01:35:14,740
♪ Look at me now ♪
2361
01:35:14,841 --> 01:35:16,208
♪ My foot on the pedal ♪
2362
01:35:16,308 --> 01:35:18,210
♪ My eyes on the crown ♪
2363
01:35:18,310 --> 01:35:19,913
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2364
01:35:20,013 --> 01:35:21,213
♪ Look at me now ♪
2365
01:35:21,313 --> 01:35:23,016
♪ Whoo, look at me now ♪
2366
01:35:23,115 --> 01:35:24,783
♪ Whoo, look at me now ♪
2367
01:35:24,884 --> 01:35:26,418
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2368
01:35:29,989 --> 01:35:32,457
♪ Bigger than ever
We back, whoo ♪
2369
01:35:32,558 --> 01:35:34,059
♪ Okay, okay ♪
2370
01:35:34,159 --> 01:35:35,727
♪ We back ♪
2371
01:35:35,827 --> 01:35:37,062
♪ Okay, okay ♪
2372
01:35:37,162 --> 01:35:38,497
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2373
01:35:38,597 --> 01:35:40,198
♪ Wait on it
Put in pain for it ♪
2374
01:35:40,299 --> 01:35:41,968
♪ Every day
A day to train for it ♪
2375
01:35:42,067 --> 01:35:43,368
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2376
01:35:43,468 --> 01:35:45,504
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2377
01:35:45,604 --> 01:35:47,806
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
2378
01:35:47,907 --> 01:35:48,841
♪ We back ♪
2379
01:35:48,942 --> 01:35:51,143
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
2380
01:35:51,243 --> 01:35:52,177
♪ We back ♪
2381
01:35:52,277 --> 01:35:54,546
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
2382
01:35:54,646 --> 01:35:55,882
♪ We back ♪
2383
01:35:55,982 --> 01:35:57,382
♪ We on a whole 'nother level ♪
2384
01:35:57,482 --> 01:35:59,151
♪ Bigger than ever
We back ♪
2385
01:36:06,658 --> 01:36:09,094
NARRATOR: Coming soon
to a theater near you...
2386
01:36:09,194 --> 01:36:10,964
Come to me...
2387
01:36:11,064 --> 01:36:12,230
Count Brolock.
2388
01:36:12,331 --> 01:36:14,700
From the studio
that brought you
2389
01:36:14,800 --> 01:36:17,803
every Black version
of a white movie...
2390
01:36:20,238 --> 01:36:23,542
I am but an appetite,
nothing more.
2391
01:36:23,642 --> 01:36:25,979
That's not what you said
last night
2392
01:36:26,079 --> 01:36:27,713
when you were
sucking on my chest.
2393
01:36:27,813 --> 01:36:29,414
(SHUSHES)
2394
01:36:30,049 --> 01:36:31,383
The sisters may hear you.
2395
01:36:31,483 --> 01:36:33,251
Too late.
(GASPS, SPUTTERS)
2396
01:36:33,352 --> 01:36:34,419
You trifling sellout.
2397
01:36:34,519 --> 01:36:36,254
BROLOCK:
I don't know this bitch!
2398
01:36:36,355 --> 01:36:37,890
She's trying to get me!
This is entrapment!
2399
01:36:37,991 --> 01:36:40,192
Negro ain't shit.
ALL: Mm-hmm.
2400
01:36:40,292 --> 01:36:43,295
NARRATOR:
Behold the Black vampire.
2401
01:36:43,795 --> 01:36:45,697
Brosferatu.
2402
01:36:46,698 --> 01:36:48,700
Coming this Kwanzaa.
2403
01:36:49,801 --> 01:36:51,203
(CROW CAWS)
2404
01:38:02,975 --> 01:38:06,378
Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
2405
01:38:07,113 --> 01:38:10,382
Happy Birthday, A.S. Berger.
2406
01:38:10,482 --> 01:38:13,318
Something isn't right here.
SHORTHAND: Happy birthday...
2407
01:38:13,418 --> 01:38:15,387
He's definitely Ghostface.
2408
01:38:15,955 --> 01:38:16,889
Sit.
2409
01:38:17,857 --> 01:38:19,424
I agree, Berger.
2410
01:38:19,524 --> 01:38:21,560
That hand should spend
the rest of its life in prison.
2411
01:38:21,660 --> 01:38:23,628
That little hand, man. I mean--
2412
01:38:23,729 --> 01:38:27,365
Respectfully, that thing would
probably give a nice handjob.
2413
01:38:27,466 --> 01:38:29,836
Off the chain, guaranteed.
2414
01:38:29,936 --> 01:38:31,037
Tight grip.
2415
01:38:31,137 --> 01:38:32,337
Make your meat
look two times bigger.
2416
01:38:32,437 --> 01:38:33,538
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
2417
01:38:33,638 --> 01:38:35,041
I don't want
a handjob from him.
2418
01:38:35,141 --> 01:38:36,408
Let me tell you that,
first and foremost.
2419
01:38:36,508 --> 01:38:38,510
I do not want a handjob.
Me neither.
2420
01:38:38,610 --> 01:38:41,313
However, when you look at it,
like a shotgun--
2421
01:38:41,413 --> 01:38:43,348
(CLICKS, PUFFS) You're done.
(SHOTGUN COCKS, FIRES)
2422
01:38:43,448 --> 01:38:44,716
(MIMICS EXPLOSION)
2423
01:38:44,816 --> 01:38:46,351
Now, listen,
we're gonna hold him, okay?
2424
01:38:46,451 --> 01:38:48,087
Okay.
It might be a day,
2425
01:38:48,187 --> 01:38:49,354
two weeks, I don't know.
2426
01:38:49,454 --> 01:38:50,555
I don't know how long
this movie is.
2427
01:38:50,655 --> 01:38:52,691
Like a Chris Nolan movie
with farts.
2428
01:38:52,791 --> 01:38:55,228
But what I want you to do
is go in there
2429
01:38:55,327 --> 01:38:57,329
and show him what you got.
2430
01:38:57,429 --> 01:38:59,165
Cock it and rock it.
2431
01:38:59,264 --> 01:39:01,533
(DISTANT SIRENS WAILING)
2432
01:39:02,334 --> 01:39:03,568
Ah.
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
2433
01:39:05,104 --> 01:39:07,672
(GASPS) Oh!
(DOOR SHUTS)
2434
01:39:08,306 --> 01:39:10,143
SHORTHAND:
There she is.
2435
01:39:10,243 --> 01:39:12,544
The birthday girl.
2436
01:39:15,514 --> 01:39:16,815
I brought a cake.
2437
01:39:18,117 --> 01:39:19,518
Make a wish.
2438
01:39:21,087 --> 01:39:23,022
My germs!
(SPUTTERS)
2439
01:39:23,122 --> 01:39:24,556
(SPUTTERS)
2440
01:39:24,656 --> 01:39:26,424
(BERGER SPITS)
(SMACKS LIPS)
2441
01:39:26,525 --> 01:39:29,095
Finger-licking good.
(GIGGLES)
2442
01:39:29,195 --> 01:39:33,298
Agent Berger, I'm just trying
to give you my strong hand.
2443
01:39:33,398 --> 01:39:35,201
No!
But it's a meme.
2444
01:39:35,300 --> 01:39:39,504
Mr. Shorthand,
are you Ghostface?
2445
01:39:39,604 --> 01:39:41,974
(WHOOPS) Here we go--
(GRUNTS, WHIMPERS)
2446
01:39:42,074 --> 01:39:44,911
Whew, that stings.
It's sort of--
2447
01:39:45,011 --> 01:39:45,945
(THUDS)
Whoo.
2448
01:39:46,045 --> 01:39:47,579
Okay, that hurts.
Stop.
2449
01:39:47,679 --> 01:39:49,015
Can I talk to you
for a second?
2450
01:39:49,115 --> 01:39:50,782
Yeah, o-okay.
2451
01:39:50,883 --> 01:39:52,450
(THUDS)
(MOANS, GASPS)
2452
01:39:52,551 --> 01:39:54,153
This table needs an airbag.
2453
01:39:54,253 --> 01:39:55,121
It should-- (GRUNTS)
2454
01:39:55,221 --> 01:39:56,889
BOTH: Goddamn!
2455
01:39:56,989 --> 01:39:58,191
Whoo!
2456
01:39:58,291 --> 01:39:59,658
I didn't think it would
hurt so bad.
2457
01:39:59,758 --> 01:40:03,095
So we got the wrong guy.
Could have told you that.
2458
01:40:03,196 --> 01:40:04,663
Why?
'Cause I'm psychic.
2459
01:40:04,763 --> 01:40:06,833
(SHORTHAND GASPS)
Oh, yeah!
2460
01:40:06,933 --> 01:40:08,100
You know, it's what--
2461
01:40:08,201 --> 01:40:09,467
(THUDS)
BOTH: Oh, shit!
2462
01:40:09,568 --> 01:40:11,137
(SIGHS) Oh, God,
that's how I feel.
2463
01:40:11,237 --> 01:40:12,939
Let me tell you some--
(GRUNTS)
2464
01:40:13,039 --> 01:40:15,174
What do we do now?
2465
01:40:15,274 --> 01:40:16,808
Back out slowly.
(THUDDING CONTINUES)
2466
01:40:16,909 --> 01:40:18,610
Like my neighbor when
I caught him inside my wife.
2467
01:40:18,710 --> 01:40:20,313
SHORTHAND:
Where are you guys going?
2468
01:40:20,412 --> 01:40:21,513
(THUDS, SHORTHAND GROANS)
They're still together?
2469
01:40:21,613 --> 01:40:23,216
(THUDS)
Unfortunately.
2470
01:40:23,316 --> 01:40:24,482
SHORTHAND: Ow!
(THUDS)
2471
01:40:24,583 --> 01:40:26,551
Sorry, man.
It's okay.
2472
01:40:26,651 --> 01:40:28,087
We're a throuple now.
(SHORTHAND GROANS)
2473
01:40:28,187 --> 01:40:29,487
(THUDS)